This is a selfish post about me and my own issues....good and bad, with a little parenting tip at the end.

  Since the first of January, I've steadily been losing weight. I'm not doing anything significant. No working out, no real diet plan (though for the first month I did eat a lot of fruits, veggies and salads to really kickstart the weight loss). The biggest thing I've done is make a commitment to use myfitnesspal.com daily and track my caloric intake.

  Around Christmas time I realized my weight was creeping up over and past my comfortable heavy point. I decided after the holidays and starting January 1st, I was going to stick to something. Calorie counting was it, as a starting point. I also cut back on sugary snacks, soda and fast foods.

   In January I lost almost 7 pounds.
   In February, I lost 4 pounds.
   March it all kind of tapered off, with a total loss of 2.5 pounds lost.
   As off Monday this week, I've lost 15 total pounds. The most amazing reality of all this weight loss struck me yesterday after I got dressed. I've always been pear-shaped. It's my reality. Even when I was in my late-teens and early-20's, weighing not even 100 pounds (and struggling with poor self-image issues) I was always thicker on the bottom.
**I never really noticed, until one day while out with my then-boyfriend and his friends, one of his friends asked me, who at the time was probably only about 90-95 pounds, while wearing shorts at an amusement park "Why do your thighs rub together when you walk?". I remember, at that very moment I became very, very aware of my thighs touching and my perception of myself was suddenly very ruined. I never felt thin enough, pretty enough or tall enough. I couldn't fix my height, but I could fix my weight. Being only 5 feet, 1 inch tall I am a naturally petite person. I'm also naturally pear-shaped. At 18-22 years old, I couldn't appreciate my naturally curvy body because the people I surrounded myself with broke each other down instead of building each other up, like I later found out real friends do. 
  I spent several years hiding my lower body, while showing off my chest. It made no sense, but I didn't know any better, I didn't have any positive role models in my life at the time. As a result, I'm kind of permanently damaged when it comes to my self-esteem and how I see myself. The smallest, negative comment about my looks can send me into a downward spiral of self-doubt. Seriously, the smallest negative comment. It could be made in jest, but I'll hear it in a serious tone and take it as such. Luckily, I now have a supportive husband and some really great friends I can turn too and get some great, loving advice from when these comments happen.**

  I put on my jeans yesterday, knowing they were looser, and feeling comfortable in them as a result. It was gorgeous outside, so I was even rocking a cute tank top, first of the season! I noticed, walking over to Mac's Geek Corner, my thighs don't rub! Not even in the jeans!
  I don't know about most moms, but for me, this was total proof that the weight loss wasn't just numbers on a scale going down! That was concrete proof that I'm making real progress!
  I've had bumps in the road, I've had weeks when my weight went up a bit and I've had trips to Taco Bell (mmmmm....those ranch doritos tacos!!) and even McDonald's. But the thing I've learned is moderation. I don't NEED to go large, a small is just fine. If I'm craving ice cream, I'll stick to the serving size. Or I'll make a smoothie instead.

   It's hard, but well worth the effort.
   Sorry, this blog wasn't about parenting exactly, but as a mom I struggled with my identity and image. Being able to look and feel good, I think helps me be a better mom. Also, I know how to help Nixon be a good friend, not the negative ones I had in my life for so long. I want him to build his friends up, not tear them down. Especially young girls, the smallest comment can have a lifelong impact on them. Sadly, I'm proof of that.  

If you bitch, they will come (A happy ending to the Santa picture fiasco!)

   Last night during a random but awesome video conversation with my cousin, those damned Santa photos were brought up. How? I don't recall, but that's because it's very hard to follow the flow of our conversations, there's not exactly a flow chart to our thoughts and we sure don't stick to one topic for long! 
   I had said I pretty much chalked them up to a loss and will be writing an email when I'm gone, off the island, for good. Jess said she wanted the email so she could send them an email as well. Hell hath no fury like my family sending emails about being screwed over, especially when we're doing it as a collective unit. 


   Imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning and found this:
Good morning Mrs. Wilcox-Ball,
I hope you have had a wonderful weekend and I hope I can brighten it a little more with what I am hoping is some pictures of your baby. ;-) Going by the information you gave me, I starting asking a few others that were there about their pictures and it was actually my senior J W that was Santa that day and Tyler and his girl friend had come up with their son to take pictures. I found soem photo's that my daughter had taken of Z and the boys and there is a few with little ones on their that we had taken because of the seniors being so nuturing or the photo just being so sweet we wanted to place them in the senior class vedio and year book. I went back to the e-mail you sent to double check.... I didn't want to send you pictures of someone elses baby. LOL!! But, I think I HAVE FOUND SOME!! Sorry they are not the ones AFN took but, I think they are good and I PRAY they are of your son.
Info from your e-mail:
**My son was wearing a black short-sleeved shirt, with white long-sleeves underneath. He had on dark green pants and black sneakers. His teddy bear, which was in the photos with him, is also white and about 11 inches tall.
There was someone named Tyler there, who was sitting on Santa's lap just before my son. He was one of the high school students and it seemed they were just goofing around at the end of the day.**
I do apologize if it is not and I am doing my best to still look into this. I was hoping you would have brought your baby up when we (not AFN) were doing the Easter Bunny Pictures. We printed them out on the spot and were going to do yours for free. Like I said before.... "I have 5 babies and I know how important ALL those first are and how very special and meaningful they become later in life when you are preparing for a graduation, wedding, birth of your sons son or daughter." So please beleive, "I AM CROSSING MY FINGERS AND SAYING A PRAYER!" PLEASE let me know if it is of him!?!?!?!
Have a blessed week!!
Sincerely and Respectfully,
S

I'm even going to over look all the spelling errors, because SHE FOUND NIXON'S PICTURES WITH SANTA!!!!

Who says my bitching will get me nowhere in life??!? This is proof positive that I will not stop being who I am when it comes to the important things in mine and my family's life and milestones!

I'll have to work on the photos in Photoshop before they're print ready, but the point is: I have them!! Almost 5 months later, but I have them!!