Somehow this wonderful, kind, friendly, caring, funny and loving kid came from my body and has my genes in him. I don't know what happened to me, well I do but that's not important...Thank gods I have Nixon to redeem my faith in humanity.

   Ever have a moment when you just look at your kid and wonder where he came from? Yeah, me too...all the time.
    Today Mac had an appointment at Walter Reed Medical Center today. Since he's been working so much lately and we've missed him, Nixon and I went with him. Walter Reed is also where a lot of our wounded soldiers are treated.

   Nixon and I were sitting off in a quiet area while Mac signed in. (I should add before people start getting crazy: Mac is not wounded. He was there to get seen for his wickedly flat feet, and get custom insoles for them. He's been in for 19 years, these things happen. He is in most other ways, totally fine. His mental stability is suspect, but that's mostly because we've been together for 7 years and I rub off on the sanest of people in less time and smaller doses.) Nixon was people watching, something he enjoys but always has questions about. He first saw a guy with crutches and said "Why does that guy have sticks with him?". I explained crutches and the use of his indoor voice. Next he saw a double amputee with prosthetics on a Segway. Nixon says "Mommy, look that's so cool! That guy is standing and on wheels! Look how fast he's going." Did I drop the ball because I didn't overly explain the situation? Maybe, but at the same time, Nixon wasn't afraid of anyone and he wasn't seeing these heroes as "different". He was looking at them in awe.
    A little later we were getting ready to walk around for a bit. There's only so long that he'll sit still before he needs to get up and move. As I was gathering my bag, Nixon smiled and waved at a young boy in a wheelchair that went by and said "hi". He kept moving, but his dad said "hi" back to Nixon and smiled. When we were coming back from our walk, Nixon saw the boy again and again smiled and said "hi". This time the little boy said "hi" back. His dad said they had to hurry to go pick up his legs. It was only then that I noticed he was missing both legs. Nixon? Never noticed. To Nixon he saw a kid and said "hi", like he always does.
 
   The only cringe worthy moment was when he and I were walking behind a guy with a cane and an ankle brace. Nixon says "Mommy, what's wrong with him?". I try to be very tactful and say "Well baby, it looks like he has a cane to help him keep his balance and a brace on his ankle, probably for an owie of some kind." Nixon says "Well, what happened?" Oy, really kid?!?! I say "Well, I don't think he did it on purpose, it was probably an accident of some kind. But he seems to be recovering, which is always good when owies heal." and Nixon says, as we pass the guy who stopped at a coffee shop, "I hope you feel better soon!"

   I am in awe of the kind and friendly child I'm somehow responsible for raising. I just want to keep him this pure and wonderful for as long as possible. Because right now he is perfect, just the way he is.

Making sense of tragedy and learning from it

This photo is going around facebook.

It's of one teacher, who lost her life yesterday. She lied to the gunman (I'm intentionally not naming him, he deserves no acknowledgement of a personal manner) about where her students were. She saved their lives and lost her own. 
Her name is Victoria Soto and she is a hero!
And she was not alone in her act of heroism.

As I read the first story about Victoria Soto's act of heroism, I wanted to show Nixon a true hero. To him, in his 4-year old mind, heroes look like Iron Man, Captain America and Black Widow. They wear costumes, have cartoons and action figures of their likeness he can play with. 
Victoria Soto wore no costume, didn't star in a cartoon and will never have an action figure made of her. But she is a bigger hero than any imaginary character will ever be. 

I'm stealing my post from facebook...
 Just tried telling my 4-year old that this is what a hero looks like. Iron Man and Captain America may be what he thinks of when he hears "hero", but this woman IS a hero! I needed him to hear me say that to him.

Nixon may not have understood, but I did. He saw the tears in my eyes as I told him about her sacrifice. "This lady saved kids from a very, very bad man. And that bad man hurt her very badly, but those kids went home to their mommies and daddies because of her." Nixon said to me "She's a hero, like Black Widow? Like you, mommy?" (I was Black Widow for Halloween so he always tells me I'm Black Widow). My reply was simple "No, baby. Black Widow and mommy wish they were as brave as this lady was. She's a hero. Black Widow is imaginary, she's made up. But this beautiful lady is a real hero." Nixon said to me "Mommy, she's pretty like you." 
All I could do was hold him, stroke his head and say "She's beautiful, baby. She's very beautiful. Mommy will never be as pretty as this woman is."

Adults can barely make sense of this crime, how do you explain it to children? How do I tell my son I'm crying because my very soul aches for people I've never known and will never meet? Most of all, how do I reassure my son that everything is fine when it feels like there's no place safe enough for him anymore?