So, here is it November already. Just 2 short weeks from Nixon's 3rd birthday and I can't keep myself from falling more in love with him. I mean, he took my breath away when I held him for the first time but now with his personality and attitude really shining, he's stunning to me!
Take today: This morning he says to me "Maybe, we'll go for a walk", which is Nixonese for "mom get off your ass and lets get some fresh air". The walk ended up a secret code for "buy me a new matchbox car" too! But I also bought us donuts for breakfast so it all worked out. I asked Nixon if he knew he wanted a car the whole time he was asking me to take him for a walk and he said "of course mommy". I'd have been annoyed, except when he put his car on the counter, the cashier put it in a bag just for Nixon and when she handed it back to him Nixon said to her "arigoto" (without a single prompting word or look from me). I was a proud, proud Mommy! When I called him back from the exit and asked him to stand next to me while I finished paying, and he did without a fight, I said "gracias mi amor" my little linguist looked up at me and said "da nada mommy". Oh, let the melting begin!!
After we walked home, had our (deliciously sinful) breakfast and chilled Nixon comes over to me and says "mommy maybe we go see aminals." I asked "you mean like go to the zoo?" Nixon says "well that's where the aminals are" very matter of factually. SO, off to the zoo we go (thank goddess for season passes!)
Now, I got smart here. On the way in I laid out the ground rules. If Nixon was good and we walked the whole zoo THEN he could ride the train (that evil bane of my existence fucking ride!) and the merry-go-round before we left to go home. I made sure Nixon repeated the rules to me 5 times before we even saw the train. Amazingly enough, he was okay with it! So we walked to zoo, saw the animals, fed the giraffes, rode the train and Nixon got to ride the giraffe on the merry-go-round all by himself (I was standing next to him though). We had a lovely time and I couldn't have had a better date with him if I tried! Almost 2 hours at the zoo and not one tantrum. I call that progress!
Lately, before bed I'll tell Nixon he's my favorite. He'll give me a smile, a high five and he'll say "mommy I happy". I hope he says that for many, many, many years to come.
This weekend was as good as it was bad. Mac is back on the midnight shift, after being screwed into staying on day shift somehow for over a year. The good thing about midnights is we see him a little more and it seems Nixon gets more one-on-one morning time, while I get more sleeping time (score!!). The bad thing is, with the way Nixon naps now, he's napping when Mac leaves for work so he misses sending Mac off to work. But a phone call at bedtime seems to have made it a little easier, plus the morning alone time with Mac seems to make Nixon a happy little guy.
Friday and Saturday were pretty much a wash, due to rain. We ran errands but that was about it. So, I mentioned taking Nixon to the zoo on Sunday so he could feed the "new" baby giraffe and the elephant. Now, I know Mac hates the Okinawa Zoo because it's habitats are sad looking (especially the big cat ones....very sad, depressed animals) but he did promise to go at least once to watch Nixon feed the animals. I figured after being cooped up all weekend and having spent the last 2 weeks recovering from his vasectomy and not being able to carry or hold Nixon at all, this seemed like a fun or potentially stupid outing. It turned out to be both.
The first part of the morning, breakfast at home, was great. I made omelets for Mac and I plus turkey bacon and pancakes. Nixon had the bacon, pancakes and yogurt. I started packing our drinks and snacks for the zoo and even though we left a little late we were on our way. The zoo was far less crowded than the last time I visited on a weekend (which is a plus because Mac hates crowds) so parking was a breeze. Nixon fell asleep about 3 blocks from the zoo, but as soon as he got out of the car and saw where we were he exclaimed "Monkey!! Zoo!!" and proceeded to try to run away from me towards the elevator...Mac was not impressed.
We made it by the ride area, without an epic meltdown! Mostly, in part, due to me carrying Nixon and explaining to him we had a big surprise for him we HAD to get to, so if he was extra well-behaved we'd ride the rides after his surprise. He just pointed to the motorcycle ride-on we rode on together last time at the zoo, "dat one, momma I ride dat one" and the train and the "notty fire truck, momma, dat one" as we walked by. But no fit. I was impressed, but I think Mac was waiting for Nixon to start screaming in protest. We managed to herd him to the kangaroos, so he could show Mac the baby "roos". He took off, running his little Nixon excited lope, and I let him go knowing I was watching him and there wasn't anyone around. Mac, wanted Nixon to stay right next to us. Nixon slowed down and started pointing out the kangaroos to Mac as we walked by the habitat and I pointed out a baby kangaroo to Nixon, who said "bye bye kangloroos" as we left the area.
Now, here is the one really amazing thing that I will miss about Okinawa and it's something that not even my glass half-empty husband can complain about: For the dollar equivalent of $3.60 in yen, Nixon got to feed 3 giraffes, by hand, including the new one year-old baby giraffe! He got up close and even had his hand licked by the baby giraffe as she (I think it's a she) took the greens from his hand. As a mom, I got to see my son RUN up a sidewalk excited because he knew what was inside the building and he couldn't wait to go feed the giraffes! Plus, Mac was with him, so Mac got to see and help Nixon feed the giraffes.
After the giraffes we went to feed the elephant. For a little more (about $4.80....the yet exchange rate is 79yen to $1.00, it was 200yen each to feed the elephant) Nixon got to feed an elephant long green shoots of bamboo looking things. I took pictures and Mac got to help him feed the elephant too. We tried getting a family picture in front of the elephant, but Nixon saw the other elephant in the enclosure next to us and freaked out screaming "baby elephant!!" so no family picture in front of the elephant for me. (I openly and selfishly admit to being disappointed over this, I really wanted this photo of the 3 of us, but I can't force Nixon to sit still and stop screaming when he wants to go see something else).
The hardest part about being the stay-at-home parent vs. the working parent is parenting technique. I know Nixon, so I'm okay with letting him run off some energy at the zoo, even if it means he's a little scattered and flip flopping in what he wants to do. He's 2.5 years old, he's naturally got a short attention span to begin with. I'm used to that. Mac....not so much. And his impatience and annoyance with Nixon's behavior took a toll not only on Nixon, but also on me and ultimately our whole day. It's very hard for me to not snap at him and tell him he's being an asshole by being overbearing or trying to control the entire situation. Instead I stepped back and let the two of them battle it out, because Nixon and I have had plenty of time to "battle it out" without Mac's interference and I really think it's the only way he (Mac) is ever going to find his parenting groove. But damned if I don't feel like I'm giving up at times and failing Nixon, when I know this is actually the right thing to do.
The whole thing boiled down to the fishing pond. I have my way of doing the pond. I buy the carp food and give Nixon the box. Nixon feeds the ducks, fish and pigeons one or two boxes then we're usually good to go. I tend to stand back and watch or snap some pictures, occasionally tossing in some food pellets but for the most part letting Nixon do what he wants with the food. With Mac with us, it was....different. I bought the food and gave the box to Nixon, but started taking pictures. Mac, totally meaning well, took the box and started showing Nixon how to throw the pellets into the water instead of just dropping them in. At first, Nixon was really into that. And then he wasn't. So Mac got frustrated. Then Nixon got more frustrated. Then I've got a pissed off, melting down toddler and a frustrated, annoyed daddy on my hands at the same time. I can't make it better for both of them, one of them is going to be pissed. I realized, I HAVE to back up and support Mac's decision, even if I don't agree with it. United front and all....damned shared parenting. In the end, we went home without riding any rides. Nixon's meltdown was too epic to be rewarded with any sort of ride. Even if I knew how to avoid the meltdown, I'd have been stepping on Mac's parenting toes and he's got to earn his stripes somehow. It's not fun to watch or fair to let the meltdown happen, but its a lesson they both have to learn. I had to learn my lessons the hard way, Mac's gotta learn his the same way. I can't keep teaching him HOW to be a dad, at some point he's got to figure some shit out on his own. "Pick your battles" is a phrase I am constantly telling him. So far, he's not listening. Some day it will all sink in.....
To paraphrase Tigger's little song in Winnie the Pooh. And why is it no one ever says it's a shame Pooh/Piglet/Tigger/Rabbit or even Eeyore are the only ones? Why is it okay for imaginary characters to be onlies, but its a travesty when it's learned Mac & I are only having one child, in real life?? I find it curious that society seems to place such a high value on 2-3 child families while degrades and questions larger or smaller families. I'm just as guilty as counting children huddled around one grown up, assuming they all "belong" to him/her, but it's not in my nature to go up to them and point out that they've got a LOT of children or that they can't possible have enough one-on-one quality time with each child. It's rude to do so, in my opinion. That's not to say I won't mention such thoughts to friends who know me or Mac, in the privacy of my own home.
Sorry, for the tangent, I was just thinking before I started writing this today, how wonderful life is with Nixon.
Last night, while checking on him like I always do, I pulled the covers over him and kissed his forehead. As I gently kissed his forehead, I whispered "I love you, my little love" something I've said to him since the day he was born. He snuggled deeper under the covers and sighed a sleepy "okay" as I got up from besides his bed.
Today was a surprisingly nice day, considering its been cold and rainy for a couple weeks now. So, during breakfast I decided I'd take Nixon to the zoo and just let him enjoy it. I had the stroller with me, but he chose to walk almost the entire time in the zoo. When I did have to put him in the stroller, he'd scream bloody murder until I presented him with a distraction (a drink or snack, were the options of choice today). He fed fish and ducks and pigeons. He walked up the steep hills, either holding my hand or the railing if available for him. He pushed the stroller, almost kamikaze-like since he has no concept of steering it. He'd pick up my hand, if I dared try to help steer/control the stroller, and tell me "I got it" and push my hand away. He giggled and smiled at passing children and families. And the entire time I was soley focused on him and only him. The day was his to enjoy and I was merely along as the co-pilot. I took him on his first merry-go-round ride. He loved it! He was smiling, cheesing at the camera when I snapped pictures of us and just really into the whole experience of it. When the ride was over we took a very short train ride. It didn't matter to Nixon that we were only going in a very small circle. He couldn't have cared less that we were the only ones on the train. The only thing he knew, was that I was on the train with him and we were moving!
Occasionally, though very rarely, I wonder what life would be like with more than Nixon. It usually strikes me as a fleeting thought when a friend announces a pregnancy or welcomes a new baby into his/her family. It's never a serious thought, just a passing "what-if" moment. The picture never quite seems right. Its all blurry and out of focus somehow. Its chaotic even in its theory of existence in my head. I feel panicked and stressed just imagining another child in our lives. Seriously, my heart rate elevates, my head hurts and I feel jittery at the imagined 2nd child's arrival into my perfect family. I can't even see his/her face because I can't focus through the haze of anxiety. It's moments like that, that prove to me, some people are just not meant to have more than one child. I'm THAT person. Because if I did have more, I'd never have the freedom that Nixon and I enjoyed today together. The zoo? Getting there was my idea. Visiting it and enjoying it? That was all Nixon today. A sibling would cramp our style and flow.
I'd never think less of someone who has more than one child. Every family is different. But just once I'd like to feel like other people feel the same way about my little family of 3, instead of the usually "robbing him of a sibling" crap that most people (and usually strangers at that) feel the need to spew.
My opinion?? The only people who really want you to have more kids are clothing companies, diaper companies and toy companies. They make a killing with every new child born!
Parenting is hard work. Anyone who tells you differently, isn't doing it right.
Terrible two's is an illusion and a reflection of parenting errors/accomplishments and a few random rays of sunshine found in your toddler's crooked smile. There are bad days. A good parent knows they happen and learns from them. A poor or failing parent repeats them from sunrise to sunset like that movie "Groundhog Day".
Today was a good day.
Nixon and I went to the Okinawa Zoo with some friends. The other mom and myself started the day with a coffee treat before heading to the zoo. The zoo itself is far from stellar. But don't tell the kids that. To them this place where you can stand only feet away from giraffes, hippos and be nearly sprayed by an elephant is wonderful. To adults its a sad place where animals live in small barren cages. To a child you can say hello to a tiger or a lion or a monkey and the animal hears you. To a parent, the photo warning of big cats peeing in a person's face is something to giggle about and wonder..who was the person the actually got pee in the eye before the sign was up. Nixon's growing up and our time here is winding down. So trips to the zoo are a great way for him to get some energy out while enjoying an experience that only Okinawa can offer him. I purchased another year long membership, the last I'll purchase while here. When this one expires it'll be a pay-per-visit kind of trip. Nixon will be free for the rest of our time here, since he's still under 4 years old.
Today, Nixon said "monkey", "bat", "duck", "bird", "hippo" and even "elephant" talk about a vocabulary explosion! He laughed while watching the elephant kick a ball, and squealed with glee when the elephant sprayed water at bystanders. He said "hi chica" to every monkey and bird we saw. And even called the Bengal tiger "arwee". It was amazing to be with him and be able to really interact and see him so into his surroundings. He's far from behind his peers, but since we spend a lot of time at home, I worry that he's not comprehending things like his peers do. Not today. Today my baby boy was shining! I got brave (or stupid depending on your point of view) and let Nixon out of the stroller so he could walk and explore on his own at his own pace, for the most part. At first he was tentative, walking a few steps then turning to make sure I was still behind him. Once he got comfortable, he was never out of my sight but out of my reach. We wandered towards the petting zoo part only to get there just as the animals were going on break. Not to be deterred, Nixon started following another little boy with a yellow construction vehicle of some kind in his hand saying "preez" over and over again, which is Nixonese for "please". Several times I had to tell him its not his and no matter how nicely he asks for it, the little boy will not be giving it to him. The boy's mom looked back at me and gave a small smile, while her son kept running from Nixon clinging to his toy saying "mine" over and over again. I watched anxiously as Nixon and his little friend took on a steep sloping hill and nearly had a heart attack when they both started doing a toddler run down the hill. Both made it down safely, even if Nixon did do a fake fall at the end. We made it to the pond area. I bought fish food and let Nixon feed the fish, duck, geese and pigeons. Yes, pigeons. Rats of the sky, poop dropping all over the fresh-from-the-carwash-car pigeons. These are the creatures Nixon spent the most time feeding. And they loved him. One in particular followed Nixon from the beginning of the pond walkway to the very end. Nixon had so much fun feeding the birds. We spent close to 45 minutes in that area and the kids were loving life. Except little missy, my friend's daughter, who teased a goose with fish pellets and got bit in the hand. Even then she still wanted to feed the fish and ducks but yelled at every goose that got close to her. The girl's got gumption!
When all is said and done, I throughly enjoyed my day with Nixon. These are the days I'll remember and smile when he's a teenager yelling how I've ruined his life and I'm so mean or the gem every teenager tells his/her parents at least once "I hate you". Hearing those words will, no doubt, break my heart but I'll have today's trip to the zoo to remind myself, we've had some good times kid. Some good times, indeed.
