It's almost the end of December...that means everyone fight about which holiday "owns" the month, right?!?

   It's that time of year again. The time of year it's hard to be a decent person without offending someone by simply imparting a genuine well-meaning wish of merriment to them.
    That's right boys and girls, it's the end of December, otherwise known as "Wish-me-Merry-Christmas-or-else-you-just-told-me-to-go-fuck-a-two-headed-goat" season.

   It's complicated for me. I'm not Christian, Mac's not Christian and Nixon doesn't even know what a church is. I'm trying to impart some basic pagan ideals on Nixon, but not so much that it's influencing who he is. I'm also trying to include other religions when we talk about the holidays of the season.

    It started with our tree. I can't ever have a "real" tree in my house. Why? Because it's a tarted up corpse of a tree. The minute it's cut, it's already dying. I can't, in good conscience, pay for a tree corpse to put up in my living room and water to keep the illusion of a live tree going.
   Nixon went with me to get all our winter decorations from our storage unit, including our black christmas tree! I bought it last year and I love it! It's fake as can be, it's pre-lit and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I mean I know my tree is fake, I'm not pretending it's not, so why not embrace it and go really fake?!?!
   Nixon asked why our tree is in a box.
   me: Nixon, when you cut down a tree is it alive or dead?
   Nixon: It's dead!
   me: Would you want a dead tree in the living room, with ornaments and lights on it?
   Nixon: No, trees should be in the ground.
   me: That's why our tree is in a box. Because it's fake and I don't feel bad about decorating it. If we had a real tree in the house, it wouldn't be alive and it'd be thrown out after the New Year. Once a tree is cut, it can't be replanted. It's very sad to me.
   Nixon: I like our box tree!


   I've also started telling him a little bit about the Pagan beliefs of Yule. Yule is the celebration of the return of the sun after the longest night of the year (Winter Solstice). The tree is symbolic of life, and lights help brighten the dark winter nights. There's more, but I'm keeping it simple since this is the first year I've really started explaining it to Nixon.
   I told him most importantly, this time of year is to be grateful for our friends and family. We should appreciate what we have in our lives and be generous and kind to others less fortunate than ourselves. He took that last part to heart when he and Mac went shopping for my christmas gift. We have talked about Toys for Tots more than once with Nixon, so he understands the toys are for kids who might otherwise not have gifts under their trees. As he and Mac were checking out, the cashier asked if they'd like to donate to Toys for Tots. Nixon quickly said "YES!" and even chose the toy that would be donated and put it in the box! When they came to meet me, Nixon was bursting with the news of helping a little boy/girl get a gift for christmas! My heart swelled with pride that he was so happy with his donation!
   I worry sometimes, that he doesn't appreciate what he has. He always wants another toy, even if he just got something 10 minutes ago. It seems like he's always taking and not giving, but his generosity at the store and for Toys for Tots proved to me that he does understand on some level at least that it's not always about him, and he does think of others.

  We do most of our talks in the car these days. It's when I have his undivided attention, unless it's snowing outside, and it's when we talk about almost everything in a serious manner.
   He asked why some houses were lit-up and some weren't. I told him not everyone put lights outside and then I added, not everyone celebrates the same way. Some people celebrate other holidays and that's okay.

   It's hard keeping it on a 5-year-old level without missing the meaning entirely. Nixon's been really great this year and has been asking a lot of questions. He also helped me decorate the tree! And picked where we'd hang our stockings this year.

.....And he sat with Santa, of course!

I'm so lucky Nixon is mine....he's so sweet, loving, silly and mine! This is a short blog of mommy drivel, feel free to ignore it if you want.

    I'm about to be an aunt for the 4th time (by my sister anyhow, many more if you count the in-laws and the better-than-blood nieces and nephews) tomorrow morning. My sister is having a little boy some time tomorrow. She was due last week, but like all her other babies, this one too needs to be evicted.
     She's being by medical terminology induced. I prefer she's giving eviction notice to her uterus' latest tenant, aka Uterus Eviction Day! It just sounds like more fun than induction or induced.

    I was telling Nixon he was getting a new cousin tomorrow and he got excited. He asked me if this "was the baby in Aunt Snotface's tummy?", which I said yes. Then I told him we were going to see him next month. This little sweetheart of a boy, that I evicted from my uterus, said to me "I can't wait! I want to put him down for a nap, before the moon is in the sky, because that's when all babies are safe." His newest cousin is not even here and Nixon wants to keep him safe. I might be raising the lovingest boy ever!
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On an unrelated note:
Last week Nixon and I watched a bunny in our backyard for over 15 minutes. I took photos of it, and Nixon sat quietly in a chair watching it:

 

My little self-dictator

   As a parent, a mother especially I believe, it's hard to face reality and accept that your child may have "issues" and seek to get them help. It's common to get feedback from well-meaning strangers, friends and family members like "Oh, it's a phase" or "Well, what do you expect, you spend too much time with him" and other shit along those lines.
   Recently, while facing the reality that Nixon will be going into some kind of Pre-Kindergarten this fall, I've also been faced with his less than perfect behaviors and took the first step to see if these were real "issues" on a larger scale or if they were, in fact, just a phase.
   The county we live in offers evaluations for learning and behavioral disabilities through a program called Child Find. While this info is not easy to find, on your own without guidance from the school system, it is there if you are like me and willing to spend hours scouring the Internet searching for public resources. I finally made an appointment, after explaining my concerns for Wednesday May 15th.
  What were my concerns? Nixon is easily frustrated by new tasks to the point of tantrums, he has some speech issues, he's very sensitive to sounds,he's very focused on things being done "right" if he thinks it's wrong everything is ruined. To someone else, these would seem small and like I'm overreacting  but put them all together and on any given day Nixon is a ticking time-bomb in a new environment.

   We met with the evaluator and were taken to a small classroom setup. Nixon was given a few small tasks to complete, puzzles and things of that nature, while Mac and I spoke to the evaluator about our (mostly mine) concerns. After talking to us for roughly 20 minutes, during which time Nixon completed an advanced puzzle meant to occupy him for several minutes in less than one minute, she went to spend time with Nixon one-on-one. This was when I had to focus on filling out paperwork and tune them out because I needed to resist the urge to correct Nixon's behavior. He wasn't being horrible, he was just forgetting his "please" and "thank you"s while he was constantly saying "I can't do it" a favorite phrase of his before he does a new and unfamiliar task and more than once being bossy. But this was why he was being evaluated and he was told to be himself, much like he would be in a classroom.
   He didn't like when the tasks had to change, for example switching from cutting paper to drawing suddenly. He wanted more time building blocks. He displayed his "this is ruined" behavior when he found a broken peg, but didn't flip out because it was quickly removed from his sight. He was able to hear a classroom of students through the wall and asked why they were "being so loud", the evaluator said they were learning like he was and he said "they should do it quieter, they are being too loud"...she looked over his shoulder at me and gave kind of a knowing "Oh I see" glance. He was able to copy building block patterns she made, even a more advanced setup that she didn't expect he would be able to complete...he did!
   She made notes of his language the whole time. With the exception of his "th" sounding like "f" at the end of words mostly, which is age appropriate, he is fine with language and can carry on exceptionally well for his age. He is above age-level for grammar, with his sentence structure of "Excuse me, may I please play with this box now?" according to the evaluator. I just thought I was teaching my child to be polite, I never gave a second-thought to sentence structure. 
   One of the funniest moments came during the verbal analogy part. She'd give Nixon an analogy and ask him to complete it. The first one was "Food is for eating, Milk is for_____", expecting drinking. Nope, Nixon says "cow". So she repeats it and he says "cow" again, she tries a third time and Nixon says "I said milk is for COW", she moved on and he did fine on the next 3 analogies, even correcting himself with a more appropriate word at one point: "My hand is big, your hand is____" Nixon first said "little" but then said "No, wait...my hand is small." She was impressed that he would correct himself like that.

    After all was said and done, she sat down with Mac and I again and went over her findings. She does not see anything that leads her to believe Nixon has a learning disability, first and foremost. He has no signs of being on the autism spectrum either. He does have sensory perception disorder with sounds, but we've got a firm understanding on that and are handling it appropriately at the moment.* Nixon is showing signs of being very bright, above age-level intellectually wise but (there's always a but right?) he has behavioral issues which can pose problems in a classroom environment.
   Nixon is self-dictated. He's happiest when he's setting the pace on what he's learning and doing. Which is no surprise to me, I saw him learn how to walk independently in a matter hours when he decided he was ready and potty training was the same way. When he was ready, he went from pull-ups to undies in a couple weeks...full-time, no accidents overnight even! Self-dictated? Yeah, I can see that!
   But he's not good with taking directions. Which will undoubtedly be an issue in a classroom. He's so damned bright, I want him to love school but he won't if he's getting in trouble for not listening to his teacher. Which is why the evaluator referred us to another program BEST (Behavioral/Emotional Support and Training) to help us learn how to help him control that now before he's in school.

   Overall, it was a good evaluation. Until the end. We'd mentioned Nixon's epic tantrums that happen when he's told to do something he just does not want to do. Well, he did not want to leave when our appointment was over. And he let it be known...by screeching at the top of his lungs! I was my usual calm, I've-shut-down-because-I-need-to-check-out-and-just-deal-with-him-non-emotionally-right-now self, and the evaluator and her boss both asked if this behavior was normal, and of course we replied, "When he doesn't get what he wants and a distraction doesn't work, yep, this is normal" I'm glad they got to see it. It's important they see all the behavioral issues we'd mentioned, and they're going to pass their notes onto their Occupational Therapist as well.

* I've been worried, especially since I only have one child, that I might be over-indulging Nixon and making his issues worst unintentionally. When going shopping or to a restaurant, we have his PSP with shows on it so he can watch that and focus on the familiarise of his shows rather than the noises around him. I had been worried that I was helping him "check out" of reality, but the Child Find head behaviorist actual said, given how she had been witnessing Nixon in the classroom setting, giving him something else to focus on is great. He's still out in public, getting to do things like eating out and helping with the grocery shopping, when he's comfortable enough, but he's not overwhelmed by the surroundings all-at-once. By having something for him to focus on, that we know works to keep him focused, we're providing him safety from the chaos he would otherwise be going through. The fact that I will also take him outside and let him decompress away from the site and sounds of a busy diner, is another good thing I'm doing for him. I'm not punishing him, for getting overwhelmed, I'm giving him a chance to regather himself.

   It's been hard to see Nixon struggle and not know if it's me causing the issues or if he's had genuine issues. To get actual professional opinions about him has helped. We know where to go from here, how to help him and what steps to take to help make him successful when he enters school. It's hard to admit your child isn't perfect and might need help, but the very best thing for your child is to get them that help early so they can be successful later in life.

Quick mini-brag

  Monday Nixon and I met a friend and her son who were visiting from my hometown, and we spent the day in Baltimore. A big portion of our time was spent at the Baltimore Aquarium. On a Monday. Which was rainy. And had a bunch of field trip school groups. Hello, people overload!
  Most of these kids were pushy and just rude. Some of the adults were too.

  Nixon was on point with his manners. Lots of "excuse me" when he tried to get to a tank and there were people in the way.
  At one point, I was beaming with pride. Nixon had just said "Excuse me please" to a couple as he moved towards a tank. I was a few feet behind him, and the couple turned to walk away. The guy said "That was the most polite kid we've run across all day." I said, without missing a beat, "Thank you, he's mine", and the guy continues "Well done mom. You weren't prompting him or anything, he's very polite. You should be very proud!" I am.

  Sure, Nixon did have his freakout moments and he did fly through the exhibits that he found uninteresting and he may or may not have tried telling a group of people to "be quiet" because they were too loud and hurting his ears (he did do that), but he was awesome overall. Well, minus asking me to carry him up and down stairs because he was afraid of them. But hey, he was just making sure I got the most of out of day out together, kind of like my very own little heavy bag!

Nixon "instructing" the dolphin show...no one knew he was doing it but me

In love with jellfish

Holy upside-down jellyfish! Gross but cool. 

Reach out and touch...the really thick glass tank. haha

A catfish with a head bigger than Nixon's torso! This thing was the chillest part of the visit, he  just came over and sat at the glass looking at us. Even I had to admit, he was kind of cute. 

...he's listening and paying attention to the important things I say too!

   Yesterday Nixon had his 4-year check-up with his new pediatrician, who we had been hearing was an awesome doctor in the area. Nixon weighed in at 38.3 pounds (admittedly he was wearing a few layers due to the cold weather) and is now 42.5 inches tall! Look at him grow!

   The nurse was great, very good with Nixon while attempting to administer the hearing test (which did not go very well. There's no issue with his hearing, he just didn't grasp the concept of the test) and his eye exam. He rocked the eye exam, even said "Arrr...I'm a pirate like this" as he covered his one eye for the exam! Yeah, he is too damned cute, right??
   She told Nixon to get down to his undies and wait for the doctor. When the doctor came in and started the exam, he first introduced himself to Nixon and shook Nixon's hand. Nixon shook the doctor's hand properly, told the doctor "I'm Nixon" and answered "I'm 4" and showed a hand with 4 fingers up to the doctor.
   If you don't have a boy, you may not know that doctor's check boy's testicles at check ups. Mac and I have been frequently telling Nixon, no one is allowed to look at him without his undies on or touch his peenie. I forgot about his check-up, so when the doctor asked him to pull his undies down for a moment Nixon said very loudly "But mommy says I can't let anyone look at my peenie without my undies on!" I assured him it was okay, because I was in the room with him. Our new doctor was impressed, telling Nixon he's a good boy for speaking up and telling him that. He also said Nixon's dad and I are doing a good job because most kids Nixon's age don't know that, let alone actually say it in the right circumstances.
  Super proud mommy, table of one, your table is now ready!

  The only other news I got at the check-up was a referral for an ENT about Nixon's speech. His new doctor does see that he is still tongue tied and feels that the ENT specialist will do a good job helping us decide if we should clip the area for the sake of Nixon's speech or not. I'll be calling Monday to make an appointment with the ENT and move forward with this.
  Nixon's visit ended with 4 shots and he took them like a champ. A few tears, a couple gummy lifesavers and a kiss from me was all it took for him to survive those shots.

I close this post with a snowy photo of Nixon and I together. Our first snow day together since...well, ever! 

There's this boy who STOLE my heart.....

....he calls me Mommy

So, here is it November already. Just 2 short weeks from Nixon's 3rd birthday and I can't keep myself from falling more in love with him. I mean, he took my breath away when I held him for the first time but now with his personality and attitude really shining, he's stunning to me!


Take today: This morning he says to me "Maybe, we'll go for a walk", which is Nixonese for "mom get off your ass and lets get some fresh air". The walk ended up a secret code for "buy me a new matchbox car" too! But I also bought us donuts for breakfast so it all worked out. I asked Nixon if he knew he wanted a car the whole time he was asking me to take him for a walk and he said "of course mommy". I'd have been annoyed, except when he put his car on the counter, the cashier put it in a bag just for Nixon and when she handed it back to him Nixon said to her "arigoto" (without a single prompting word or look from me). I was a proud, proud Mommy! When I called him back from the exit and asked him to stand next to me while I finished paying, and he did without a fight, I said "gracias mi amor" my little linguist looked up at me and said "da nada mommy". Oh, let the melting begin!!


After we walked home, had our (deliciously sinful) breakfast and chilled Nixon comes over to me and says "mommy maybe we go see aminals." I asked "you mean like go to the zoo?" Nixon says "well that's where the aminals are" very matter of factually. SO, off to the zoo we go (thank goddess for season passes!) 


Now, I got smart here. On the way in I laid out the ground rules. If Nixon was good and we walked the whole zoo THEN he could ride the train (that evil bane of my existence fucking ride!) and the merry-go-round before we left to go home. I made sure Nixon repeated the rules to me 5 times before we even saw the train. Amazingly enough, he was okay with it!
So we walked to zoo, saw the animals, fed the giraffes, rode the train and Nixon got to ride the giraffe on the merry-go-round all by himself (I was standing next to him though). We had a lovely time and I couldn't have had a better date with him if I tried! Almost 2 hours at the zoo and not one tantrum. I call that progress!


Lately, before bed I'll tell Nixon he's my favorite. He'll give me a smile, a high five and he'll say "mommy I happy". I hope he says that for many, many, many years to come. 

I'm that mom...not to be confused with THAT mom!

Most moms know, I'm sure, potty training sucks! It's hard on you, the child, your carpets/floors, laundry, pets (trust me Arwen is traumatized for life after this week) and your social life takes a serious dive for a while in the beginning too. Oh, and a heads up for stay-at-home-moms....don't expect your husbands to be too gungho in the help department. Sure Mac wants to help, but if I decide to switch something up, like the rewards to try to encourage Nixon to sit on the potty more often in the beginning, Mac kind of backed off with a "this is your show, you run it" attitude. Pretty much the story of most things in our parenting way of life, to be fair to Mac. It's not new, but I was just hoping since Mac has a penis and Nixon has a penis and since I don't have a penis with the common denominator being a penis, that maybe Mac would help out a little more. Afterall, what the hell do I know about tucking it when you sit or how to aim it when you stand??!?!? I mean I'd love to be able to pee standing up without dribbling it down my leg and into my shoe, but I can't. 


So back in August...really, August already feels like forever ago!....I tried to potty train Nixon and for a few days it went awesome! But then Mac was home and due to this (common??) Alpha male bullshit battles and Mac forgetting Nixon is 2 not 12, Nixon stopped going on the potty and I decided to wait until Mac was working days again before trying to potty train Nixon again. It'd be less stressful for everyone if I could do it on MY terms (for the most part) with little to no input from Mac the first few days. 


Well....Mac went back to day shift Monday. On Sunday we actually started by letting Nixon try wearing his Easy-Ups and get a reward from his Potty Reward jar (filled with M&Ms). On Monday we hit it for the full day. He had a couple accidents but did better than expected. Tuesday was okay. Wednesday and Thursday Mac was off and home, but Nixon still sat on the potty but only to get M&Ms, because I had upped his "nummies" to a couple, instead of one, for sitting since he was starting to refuse to sit anymore. This confused Mac and led to him getting frustrated by my rule changing (to be fair I would've too if he'd done it, but at the same time I knew Nixon was on a roll and I didn't want him to lose the momentum he'd made during the week, even if it meant giving in and handing over extra M&Ms just to keep his little ass on the potty longer!)


Mac went back to work Friday, and it was Nixon and I again. Nixon did okay in the potty training. He wore his Pull-Ups and Easy-Ups and used the potty a couple times. No accidents on the floor but no real forward progress. So a good day but not stellar day. 


Then we had today. What can I say about today??? Ever had a day where you just smile because it was such an awesome day? Even if there were a couple times you almost puked? Or a day that really makes parenting worth it because you can see the pride and self-esteem just bursting out from every pore of your child??? And you know that you helped give him that pride by praising him for doing something awesome over-and-over-and-over again?? THAT was today!


First, the potty is in the living room (for now). So Nixon gets to watch his shows and sit on the potty. Well, today he was just running around naked and had wet 3 pairs of undies, REAL big boy undies, because he was too into the tv. So, I turned it off after giving him the usual 1,2,3 warning. When I hit 3 and he still hadn't    sat down, off went the tv. I have NEVER seen him take his underwear off so quickly or pee as fast as he did when the tv was turned off. He stood up, said "ta da mommy!", grabbed the removable bowl, took it to the bathroom, emptied it in the toilet, flushed the toilet, washed his hands, put the little bowl back in his potty and sat right back on it all while I sang the "Nixon pee peed in the potty" song I made up just for him! 


After that it was all uphill. Nixon sat on the potty unprompted the rest of the day. He peed at least a dozen times, pooped twice almost three times and only had one more accident before bedtime. I can not put into words how proud I was when I saw he let a really BIG poop go in the potty. (For moms who haven't gone through potty training, the pooping in the potty is scary thing for most kids and some don't go in the potty for a really long time) For this reward, no M&M would do! NO, he got a song, a kiss, a hug and a new car!!! Well a new toy car. 


And before anyone asks....NO I did not take a picture of Nixon's first poop in the potty! I am NOT Kate fucking whackjob Gosslin, thankyouverymuch!


Here's hoping tomorrow continues as well as today went. Monday we're off to get Nixon more undies because it turns out he's out grown some of his already, so we're buying some plain white ones so I can iron-on some dinosaurs, since he wants dino undies and we can't find some reasonably priced ones.