Family is forever...gods I hope I'm not lying to him about this.

....ah, Amber. I love to hate this damned cat! Here we are, a month later and we are still dealing with her nasty fits. We've done everything from get a pheromone plug-in for Nixon's room to keeping his door closed at all times to adding extra food and water dishes and most recently, adding a new litter box. Nothing seems to help!
   We'll get a break, where it'll seem like she's moved past it all, and then like tonight I'll walk into Nixon's bedroom and find a pile of cat shit on his bed waiting for us. The thing of it is, today, his bedroom door was closed! I had to open the door to get in! So now she's closing doors behind herself?!?! That doesn't make sense, right?
   Of course, I lose my damn cool! I'm so tired of washing Nixon's sheets, blankets, comforters.

*sigh* Not my best or brightest moment as a mom.

   Nixon was already upset that he didn't get a shower tonight. He was told it was shower time, he decided to tell me he wanted to wait. SO I let him wait...until it was bedtime. Then I told him it was bedtime and he flipped his shit because he suddenly wanted a shower. I'm picking my battles with him and he's not liking that I'm not on his ass 15,000 times to get in the shower. I told him once, twice and then when he still said "No, mommy, later" I decided that was cool. He can not take one tonight. He's going to learn.

   So, when I lost my shit over Amber's pile of shit on the bed Nixon lost his mind because he thought I was so mad I really meant all the mean and angry things I was saying about Amber.
 *deep breath*
  It took about fifteen minutes to get him calmed down and in bed. Our bed. Once he was calm, I talked to him. I told him that, even though I say mean things about Amber and even though she's still pooping on his bed, she's family and family is forever. We're not getting rid of Amber. The relief in his eyes, paired with his whimpering "Really?" said it all. I went too far and he really thought he'd wake up and Amber would be gone.
   I explained to him that just like him and Mac, Arwen and Amber are very important to me and part of our family. I told him my top loves went like this: Nixon & Mac, then Arwen, than Amber...no Bebe's after Arwen, then Amber. Nixon chuckled and asked me "Mommy, you love me and Daddy more than Arwen?" I told him "I do now." And I meant it.

   Family, this family I've made for myself, really is forever. I'm not always going to be madly in love with Mac or Nixon every minute of every day, but I don't see myself ever not loving either of them. Nixon is a no-brainer. He's my son, a piece of me, I'll always love him. Mac is more complicated. Our cats have been to Japan and back with us, they are our family. As much as Nixon and Mac can drive me nuts, Amber and Arwen can do the same thing just different ways, but they're in this family until they're no longer on this earth.
 Apparently Amber has decided to really test this motto.

  I don't know what else I can do to "fix" Amber's issues. I do know flipping out when Nixon is around isn't going to help any of us.

The saddest day as a mom so far

   Every mom knows there comes a day their child will say something just to hurt them. I never expected to hear it come out of my precious 4-year old's mouth, but I knew I wouldn't be the only mom on earth to not hear it.

   Tonight, after Nixon's shower and after he was told it was bedtime, Nixon turned to me and said "I don't like you, Mommy." Simple as that, not hate-fueled, just very matter-of-factually in the same sweet tone he uses to say "i love you". I was shocked, I was hurt, I was heart-broken. What I was not, was angry. Anger wasn't going to get me anywhere in this situation.
   We stayed in my bed for a minute longer, while Nixon continued to profess his "bossy" ways. I told him, very quietly and calmly, that his words hurt my heart a lot and they made me very sad. I didn't force an apology out of him, I didn't yell or do anything really. I was just very hurt, and shocked, that he said that to me over something he knew was coming! I make sure I give him advance warning on bedtime.

  He brushes his teeth, gets onto his bed and sits there.
He says to me, very quietly while he's fidgeting with his BeBe, "Mommy, I sorry I was bossy."
I say to him "Nixon, I'm used to you being bossy. That's part of you being 4, being a little boy. What made me sad, made my heart sad was when you said you don't like me."
Nixon said "I was only being bossy."
I replied, "Nixon, that wasn't bossy baby. That was very mean."
I gave him a kiss on the forehead and started tucking him into bed. Nixon puts his hand on my cheek and says "Mommy, I'm sorry I hurt your heart. I love you. Your my best friend."
I tell him "Thank you for apologizing baby. I love you too! You are my favorite baby boy!"

  I know he's going to say things to hurt me as he gets older. I said far worst things to my parents, but to be fair my parents were far worst parents than Mac and I are to Nixon, while I was growing up. I hope this is as bad as it gets.

broke my heart and made it better, just by using that little mouth of his. 

Parenting and preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

   Mac and I have spent the last few nights he's had off curled up watching the Resident Evil movies. Now, he swears these movies are not about zombies, but I say "who cares" they're important learning tools on How-To prepare for an outbreak. Even more importantly, I'm taking it to the next level and using it to be a better mother! 

Rea's How-To prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse and be a Good Mom Guide

(because most people think you trip the kids or use them as zombie bait....)

First, the survival pack. You want it light enough to travel easily but have enough food and supplies to last. Think energy bars and protein shakes. If you think far enough ahead, keep a "quick grab bag" in the house and one in the car. Always keep a case of bottled water in the car, this is just common sense.

Next, escape plan. My plan is to always live near the water. My entire survival plan revolves around grabbing Nixon, heading to the harbor and stealing a boat. Yes, I will be STEALING a boat. I figure at least 5 of the owners will be in denial about the outbreak and won't think of getting to the harbor, so I'll "take" one of those boats. (Now, I do realize the last time I in a boat it did end up sinking but it wasn't all my fault.....and I swear, I'll take boating lessons first!) Nixon and I will be out on the water for 3-4 weeks while the outbreak is going on. Maybe we'll help stranded survivors, maybe we won't. I'm going to say no, because I still won't trust just anyone around Nixon. The end of the world isn't going to change that! Let's be real, I'm still going to be super paranoid and overprotective. I'm momma bear on a normal day, add zombies and people possibly trying to kill us for whatever we have and I'll be UBER-Momma Bear, all killing without those pesky laws holding me back!

Protection, protection, protection....My survival pack includes some weapons and ammo. (and thanks to Resident Evil 4 my ammo will also include lots of loose change! Seriously, it's a great option and, in the movie at least, did a LOT of damage!) I have to find something for Nixon to do too. Probably a big metal baseball bat for him to swing, and not accidentally kill me with in the process. I'd say a taser but not sure that would work on zombies, an ax is a bad idea because of the sharp edge but a bat seems a safe but zombie-deadly weapon!

Finally, mothering during the apocalypse. It's a fine line. Obviously, you can't punish him for killing a zombie because, that's kind of the point of the whole "game".  But bedtime will still be the same time, he will still have to listen to me  ("I said duck!!") and if Mac happens to make it with us (oh yeah, did I mention we've got individual survival plans mostly because he'll probably be at work) then Nixon needs to listen to us both. 

And NO peeing on dead zombies! That's just rude!! 
Make time to ask how Nixon is feeling. The zombie apocalypse will be a scary time for anyone but kids might be especially weirded out. Asking him how he feels and talking about what's going on will keep the lines of communication open and help build a stronger team, which in the long run will be the best for our overall survival odds.    

My entire goal is to get as far from the outbreak as possible, avoid the government "safety" zones, protect Nixon and keep it fun! 

My pearls of wisdom never cease to impress me!

"Nixon, don't be this fan"

That's how my simple little nugget of sports fan wisdom conversation started with Nixon. It's no secret, this NFL season is rough in the Wilcox-Ball household. The Eagles (aka The Dream Team that isn't a dream so much as a payroll nightmare when you look at their record) are sucking really bad and the Dolphins are even worse, shocking but true! In fact, the only winner in the house is Mac's fantasy team...and I'm still convinced that the league we're in together is fixed by the commissioner who's a cheating piece of shit!

But I digress.

As I was saying, I watched the video clip in the link above and saw a kid mad at Tom Brady for the Patriots beating the Eagles. First, it's not the Patriots fault that they won...well it is, but not if you're an Eagles fan. As an Eagles fan, I have accepted this season for the wash it's become. I cherish the wins we've had but....yeah this season sucks. Still I wear my tees and hoodie because winning or not I'm still an Eagles fan.

But never would I cry because the other team beat us...unless it's the Super Bowl, it was a close game with refs making bad calls against the Eagles (which has happened, just ask Micheal Vick), costing vital yardage losses then I'd cry, because it's better than breaking my/our TV!

Then I give credit, the kid's still young and hasn't really grasped who you really blame when you're team is losing. The team themselves. For now he thinks Tom Brady is a bully for not "letting" the Eagles win.

That's where he and I differ.
As I told Nixon: "It's okay to get upset when your team is losing. But you don't blame the team who beat them. You blame your team for not playing better."
Nixon: "yeah!"
Me: "Unless it's those damn dirty Cowboys, then you can blame them.*"
* this got a chuckle from Mac, who once again was in awe of my parenting pearls of wisdom! What can I say, these gems just come to me. They just flow right out of my mouth faster than I can think and quicker than I can stop them even if I wanted too.