The unofficial official diagnosis....from a medical professional

   Nixon had an appointment yesterday with a child psychologist. We set this up to help get answers about his behavior issues in school.

    I found out several things yesterday, one of which being I "read too much". That was told to me by the doctor. She was asking for the issues with Nixon, and why I was seeking a consult for him regarding being on the Autism Spectrum. I started telling her things I'd read, and behaviors Nixon had. She told me "stop researching and tell me what his issues are". Then she observed Nixon.

    Yes, Nixon does have textural issues. Yes, he does have SPD (sensory processing disorder). Yes, he is quick to frustration and acts on impulse when agitated.

    But, he doesn't have any social issues. He grasps empathy, understands 2 part questions asked to him and a few other things.

    The cut and dry of it is: He has ADHD and is not on the spectrum. He has coordination issues and is behaviorally immature, but he is not autistic.

    The way she explained it to me, thankfully with a chart, is: In order to determine someone is autistic, they first have to meet all 3 categories in the social interactions portion. Not just one. They have to have a negative in all 3 of those.
   Nixon had none.
   In addition, they likely will have up to 4 negatives in the behavioral categories.
   Nixon had 2 with a partial in a third category.

   Since we didn't get the questionnaire packet for his teacher prior to the appointment, she can not give us an official diagnosis. She needs the teacher's portion completed before she can do that. We'll have to schedule a follow-up and bring it then. At that appointment we'll discuss tools to help Nixon succeed.

    I don't know what the IEP findings will show. They're still testing him for that at school.

The struggle.....and my breaking point

    Nixon had a rough week last week. Monday was pretty horrific, Tuesday (election day) was no school, Wednesday and Friday weren't awful but far from great and Thursday was he best day of the week (only 10 minutes outside of the classroom).

    One of the biggest things that struck me, when I had to go to school on Monday and calm Nixon down, is there was a new student in the class. Now, Nixon knew her name on Wednesday and offered to help walk her to class, so that's a plus. Normally new people are identified by their shirt/hair/skin color. I adored watching him see the new student was nervous (although I don't think he identified that emotion, I think he was just happy to see a friend he knew), and using her name (!!) asked if he could walk to class with her. Her mother had tears in her eyes when she and I walked to our respective cars. And I'll admit, I did as well.
   Now, even though Nixon seems okay with her, just the fact that there's a new student is enough to send his world into a tailspin. And tailspin he did.
    All I can do is hope today is a better day.

    There's a class field trip next month. It's outside, at a farm and will be held rain or shine. In December!! I struggled and talked to Mac about it, ultimately deciding I'm going to keep him home that day and (hopefully) arrange something for us to do at the state park I worked at this summer. The class is studying trees, so I know the park has them.
   I just remember Nixon on a class field trip last year with his preschool. Even though I was there he still freaked out and had a couple meltdowns. I just feel like sending him on this one, in the cold!!, is setting him up for failure. I can't go on the trip because I have other things I have to do during the day that prevents me going as a chaperon.

    Finally, last night I cried. I cried a hard and ugly cry.
   One of my best friends posed a picture that her husband and son (a year younger than Nixon) drew together. I loved it, it was super cute! But it reminded me that Nixon is still drawing people as big circles with sticks for arms and legs. I'd be ecstatic if Nixon drew a conventional stick person!
   Another friend had posted a video, not too long ago, of her son (2 years younger than Nixon) tying his own shoelaces. Mac and I were crazy excited yesterday because Nixon zipped his own coat! Tying shoelaces?!? That's sci-fi shit to us right now.

    Those two things just broke me. It really made me realize how special Nixon is. I'm adjusting because some things are glaringly clear: Nixon is not where some of his peers are. But we're not giving up, he'll get there when he's ready. But I had a moment of sadness. I'm better today and I'd never break like that in front of Nixon. He's nothing but perfect to me.

I'm his mom, not a magician!

    *Sigh*

    Yesterday was another day from hell for Nixon. And unfortunately, I'd told the vice principal she could call me the next time he had a really awful day.
     She took me up on that "offer" yesterday.
     Twice.

    It started as I was home pondering dinner. My phone rang and I, unknowingly, picked up. No, I knowingly picked up, I didn't know what the school wanted.

    Nixon had been having a rough morning. He had been out of the classroom for over 2 hours. He just couldn't get his shit straight. He wasn't throwing/hitting/kicking, he was crying and screaming (he has this god-awful ear bleeding pitch that he can scream at for extended periods of time!).
    The vice principal asked if I could "come by and talk to him, maybe stay with him the rest of the day?". I was able to come by, and I did, but I couldn't and honestly, just plain wouldn't,  spend another extended period of the school day with him.
    Why not?, one might ask. I'm not on the school payroll. I'm not teacher material. And unless they're telling me Nixon isn't welcome to the school anymore and I have to homeschool him, I've chosen to let other people educate him.
     But yesterday I had other things to do and literally could not stay with him.

    I got to the school and found Nixon, with the special education teacher and the aid standing near him, sitting in a chair. I sat cross-legged on the floor and had Nixon come sit with me. He hugged me and started to cry. He claimed he missed BeBe, but I know him well enough to know that "missing" something is an emotion he falls back on,because he can't/doesn't know what he really feels. Nixon can't always recognize his own emotions, so he'll say one that he does know, even if it isn't what he actually feels.
    He sat on my lap, crying into my chest. I held him and spoke softly, gently. *I should add that when Nixon first saw me, he asked if I was staying the rest of the day with him. I said "Nope. Know why? I've done all my years of school and I'm not doing it again". The special education teacher, whom I could see from the corner of my eye, looked shocked at my handling of Nixon!*

    After a few minutes, some deep breathes and a couple more tears, Nixon was ready to go to lunch with his class. I walked him to the cafeteria and talked to the aid.
    Apparently, Nixon started doing the classwork just fine. Then he realized it the same (shit) stuff the class has been doing almost 3 months now. The assignment is to cut the objects out, then paste them under the letter the word begins with. When Nixon realized there were 4 letters, he got upset! He told me "I've done it all", when I was calming him down. It didn't make sense until I talked to the aid.
    He's bored and annoyed that they are still doing the same thing! I get it but he just doesn't have the skills to express himself . He gets annoyed and becomes fueled by his impulses. Those impulses are not the best. He doesn't think ahead about actions and consequences, he's very in the moment.

    I mentioned this to the VP as I was leaving the school. I told her he's bored by the same work. I also said I felt the computer needs to be a reward for a job well done, not a coping mechanism as I feel it was being used. In addition I said I didn't want him segregated from the class, that if he wants to be a part of the class group time, it should be encouraged.
   She agreed and said they are working on a plan that helps him.

   Later I called and asked for the assignment he didn't do (and any other assignments he missed while out of the class for so long) to be sent home. Because that's just common sense to me. If he's acting out and not finishing his work, the work comes home.

   She called me one last time. He was doing his work, but he was doing it in spurts. He'd act up then recover and go back to his work. She asked if I thought talking to me would be a good solution. The only thing I could do was answer honestly: I don't know. And I really don't. Nixon doesn't respond to phones very well. He'll talk to his grandparents on the phone but he's not "present" in those conversations. SO I don't really know if talking to me will help him pull it together.
    She seemed kind of peeved that I couldn't give a magical answer to make him pull it together. I don't have that answer. I don't have a magic wand. I can't even explain how we do things at home because I've built self-coping methods into our way of life for so long I can't even remember how life was before. But what works at home will not work at school. Why? Because school has more distractions/kids/stimulations than we have at home.

    If I had a magic wand that would "fix" Nixon, I'd have used it by now. I'm giving the tips I know when I think they'll help, but not all of them are being implemented and that's not on me.

   Before I go, I'm going to share Nixon's homework last night. In addition to cutting and pasting, he had to write the words of each object.

I'm probably the bane of Nixon's teacher's existence. I help him spell words at home, but I do not write them like the kindergarten kids are supposed to do it. Like my t's. And of course, Nixon is copying my t's! But even funnier than just that, is Nixon's take on this assignment. Wrote the entire word right to left instead of left to right. And I love him for it! He did correct it and complete the entire assignment correctly.  

"So, your Kindergartner has been suspended from school....how's that make you feel?" And other questions I'm asking myself this week.

    Yesterday was a less than stellar day for Nixon, at school.

     Let's begin with last week. We had a meeting at school about Nixon. I thought I had helped getting the point across on how to help prevent meltdowns. We were told the classroom aid that has been spending most of her days with Nixon (keeping him on task, helping redirect him and avoid meltdowns) was going to be "weaned" from his classroom so she can focus on the two classrooms she was assigned to. I voiced my concern that if the "wean" went too quickly, Nixon will react negatively. Too much change too quickly will overwhelm him. I was assured that it would not be abrupt and every effort would be made to prevent Nixon from getting too anxious over this change. While I briefed him every day of the change, the school (evidently) decided 2 days of less interaction was enough and Tuesday they removed her altogether.

   Tuesday was a bad day for Nixon.

   Wednesday was a fucking catastrophe! He was fine for most of the day, but after recess he threw a fit so bad the rest of the students were removed to keep them safe. Now, he wasn't attacking kids, but he was throwing things at and around his teacher who was in the middle of circle time and surrounded by the other kids.
    He pinched his teacher when she attempted to take something from him.
   They called the aid he knew in, during the middle of this tantrum, and eventually he calmed down. He cleaned up his mess and returned to the classroom the remainder of the day.

   I got the phone call from the principal, who just returned from medical leave and admitted to "not knowing the Nixon-situation", as if he's a condition or illness. She went on to describe the incident and explained he was being suspended for the following day, because of his actions. She voiced concern of what she labeled "his escalation of violence", I'm assuming this is based on his teacher's reports as the woman had just admitted not 2 minutes prior, that she was not familiar with Nixon, nor had she met him yet.
    I asked a few questions and explained some things about Nixon. She knew nothing about anything we've told the other members of the school administration who were present at the meeting last week!

   Mac picked Nixon up from school yesterday. Nixon was quiet and ended up taking a nap. I came home and we talked, a little, when he woke up. After an hour or two, Nixon went to Mac and told him about the day.
   Nixon came to me and said he was upset because it was line up time (at the end of recess). He got upset because he didn't have time to prepare for the end of recess. (We had just told his teacher how Nixon will respond more positively if he's given a warning to prepare for the transition to another activity at the meeting last week, because it's a trigger for him)
   He admitted to throwing, pinching and yelling. He didn't deny any of it, which he does a lot. He tattles on himself!

    I'm so beyond pissed! I'm feeling like his teacher has no regards for the assistance I've been offering from the beginning of school! I requested a meeting the first full week of school! I never get a response from her, even emails take her 2-4 days to reply to! She's had an air about her (regarding Nixon) since she learned he's an only child. ("Oh, an only child. Hmmmm?" was her exactly reaction after learning he has no siblings)

    I'm beating myself up because I feel like I'm failing him, but it's the only reaction I have to his teacher being so negative. She refers to him as "angry" in notes home. I'm worried she has no real experience with working a child on the autism spectrum and it's looking like Nixon has Asperger's, a high-functioning form of autism. Most of the times he's fine, but when stressed or agitated he'll flip his shit! I can't force the school to accept my word, based on research and my knowing Nixon like I do, so we're exhausting all avenues of getting any kind of official diagnosis.
   
   Days like yesterday make me want to throttle his teacher! This whole suspension bullshit, may have been avoided altogether if she'd given a warning that recess was coming to an end.

    And yes, I realize she has 15-19 other kids in her class. And yes, I understand she can't give Nixon her constant attention. But, motherfucker, if the teacher/principal/school shrink all sat in a room and asked me for tips to help prevent these agitated states from happening, I'm going to be pissed when I learn from MY CHILD, that less than a week later the tips are already being ignored and he's having a full-on meltdown because of it!

    It's exhausting.

Coming to a classroom near you?? No, but I am going to be a room parent in Nixon's class tomorrow.....

   Good thing I just refilled my Prozac, because I have a feeling that spending the morning with almost 30 four and five-year-old kids will be amping my anxiety to the nth degree.
   Tomorrow is Halloween but it's Thursday which isn't a normal school day for Nixon, his class is doing a Halloween parade and he is allowed to go, we were given 2 choices: a) he could go Thursday and have it take the place of Friday (his usual school day) or b) I could stay and be a room parent for the day.
   I chose the later option. I get to stay and enjoy Nixon's first school Halloween event?!? Hell yeah I'll be there!

   But there's another reason I want to be there. Nixon's still saying he's having issues with a boy in his class but his teachers aren't witnessing anything. Monday Nixon had a small bruise on his face but neither of his teachers mentioned what happened and Nixon was in the middle of a meltdown when we picked him up.

   So what should I expect as a room parent? I have no idea! His class is always loud, full of energized kids and tomorrow they'll be in costumes enjoying the Halloween festivities! I think the hardest part I'll be facing is letting the teachers handle Nixon and not deal with him myself. I'm on their turf and need to let them do their job.

   Most of all, I'm grateful I have the ability to go to school with Nixon for a day. It hasn't been easy, my being home for the last almost-5 years, but there are perks. This is one of those perks. Soon enough I'll be going back to work but for now, I'm enjoying these moments as they happen.

   In other news, today was Nixon's first school picture day. I took a couple practice photos of him at home, so he knew what would be expected of him at school as we've never really done posed photos before with him.

before school cutie pic. he picked out the tie himself!

I'm so lucky Nixon is mine....he's so sweet, loving, silly and mine! This is a short blog of mommy drivel, feel free to ignore it if you want.

    I'm about to be an aunt for the 4th time (by my sister anyhow, many more if you count the in-laws and the better-than-blood nieces and nephews) tomorrow morning. My sister is having a little boy some time tomorrow. She was due last week, but like all her other babies, this one too needs to be evicted.
     She's being by medical terminology induced. I prefer she's giving eviction notice to her uterus' latest tenant, aka Uterus Eviction Day! It just sounds like more fun than induction or induced.

    I was telling Nixon he was getting a new cousin tomorrow and he got excited. He asked me if this "was the baby in Aunt Snotface's tummy?", which I said yes. Then I told him we were going to see him next month. This little sweetheart of a boy, that I evicted from my uterus, said to me "I can't wait! I want to put him down for a nap, before the moon is in the sky, because that's when all babies are safe." His newest cousin is not even here and Nixon wants to keep him safe. I might be raising the lovingest boy ever!
=====================================================================
On an unrelated note:
Last week Nixon and I watched a bunny in our backyard for over 15 minutes. I took photos of it, and Nixon sat quietly in a chair watching it:

 

It's November...30 days of grateful list

On facebook a lot of my friends and family members are making daily statuses of things they're grateful for. Always up for a challenge (do I really have 30 things I'm grateful for??) I decided to jump on just this one bandwagon and give it a go. After this morning's status I realized my 30 things really revolve around just one person: Nixon.
So I decided I'll come here and make a "30 things I'm grateful about Nixon" list instead.

Keurig K-Cup 18-Pk. Van Houtte French Vanilla Coffee (Google Affiliate Ad)

1 - I'm thankful for a son who chose my last DD pumpkin spice k-cup for my morning coffee. He knows me so well!
2 - I'm thankful for every morning I get woken up by a happy, smiling kiddo quietly crawling into bed with me and asking "to turn on the TV upstairs"
3 - My son's sense of humor! He can make me laugh with his dancing any day.
4 - I'm thankful for a mostly healthy child. A couple colds and some tummy aches are nothing compared to what other parents face. I try hard not to take that for granted.
Cold 'n Cough 4 Kids - 4 fl oz (Google Affiliate Ad)
5 - As hard as it is, I'm grateful Nixon's growing up.
6 - I'm grateful for every hug and kiss he gives me. I know someday I won't get them so I'm banking them all now!
7 - I'm grateful Nixon is beginning to share interests with his dad. It's adorable to see them playing Lego's together or talking about Star Wars.
8 - I'm thankful for the past decisions I made that brought me to today and my life. Without past decisions I wouldn't have Nixon and Mac.
9 - I'm grateful for the easy infant stage...and that I'll never do it again! Nixon was a fairly easy baby much like the little boy he's become!
10 - I'm grateful for Nixon's sense of adventure. He's up for most things I suggest and almost always ends up loving it!
11 - He loves coffee! I mean he only gets a tablespoon or so in a cup, but he loves it and it makes me feel closer to him. Like I envision days, years from now, with us sitting at the table talking over coffee.
12 - I am grateful for the patience he's brought to my life. It's not easy raising a child with little or no extended family around, so I can't just take a break I have to make them, sometimes for both of us.
13 - I'm grateful Nixon has empathy for others and animals. He asked for a sad pumpkin when we made paper jack-o-lanterns! He cried during a movie "because I's so happy, mommy"
14 -  I'm blessed to be the mom of a little boy with manners. Please, thank you, excuse me (though occasionally prompted to be said) are regulars in his vocabulary. He even says them in more than one language, having learned a couple Japanese phrases in Okinawa and some Spanish from Dora and Diego.
15 - I'm thankful he's building a relationship with his grandmother. I love my grandmother, crazy as she can be sometimes, and I'm so thankful Mac's mother is filling those shoes in my son's life. I get a warm fuzzy in my heart when he asks to call Nana, even if he only talks to her for 5-10 seconds and gets distracted by something else and promptly hands me the phone!
16 - I'm grateful for Nixon's laugh. When he finds something truly hilarious it is impossible not to laugh with him!
17 - My kisses are still magical to him. When ever Nixon has any kind of owie, before I cave in a put a band-aid on it, I always kiss it first. Sometimes the simple act of lips to owie is all it takes to make Nixon say "it all better mommy". And that won't always be the case, so I'll take what I can get while the magic still works.
18 - I love watching him learn compassion for the cats. He's so gentle and makes it a point to tell me he's being gentle, to Arwen who until recently wanted nothing to do with him.
19 - I'm grateful I can teach Nix games like red light/green light and rock/paper/scissors (lizard/spock/fire/water balloon). I enjoyed these games as a child and even if he doesn't grasp the total concept right now, he enjoys them none-the-less.
20 - I'm grateful I didn't get that emergency c-section when in labor with Nixon. There came a single scary moment when Nixon's heart rate dropped very, very low and I was hurriedly told to get on all fours and given a shot. During these very tense moments, not entirely sure what was going on, I heard "is the OR open? Can we make sure it stays open? This may be a rush to get in". Finally, just a couple minutes later baby boy's heart rate returned to normal and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Less than an hour later, I was holding my heart-stoppingly beautiful baby boy for the first time. Apparently, we're too good for a drama-free birth story!
21 -  I'm thankful he asks to hold my hand, gives me high-fives and wants to be snuggled. I can't really remember getting lots of affection from my parents and I was honestly very afraid I wouldn't be able to be a loving parent when I had my own child. Thank you, Nixon, for letting me be a loving mom to you.
22 - I love that Nixon loves music. He's got some favorites too. Fall Out Boy has been a favorite of his since he was 3 months old. Somethings never change, he was rocking out to FOB today in the kitchen.
23 -  (remember when I thought this would be an easy task??) I'm thankful I knew when to get help and take it to be a better mom. It's not always easy to admit something is not right in your head, in fact its pretty daunting if you don't have support from loved ones, but when you have that one "oh shit!" moment, no matter what it is, take it seriously and get some help. I'm grateful to the doctors I saw that realized I was asking for help and gave it to me. Without them, I may have ruined the best thing in my life...Nixon's smile.
24 - I'm grateful there are some nights Nixon knows exactly what he wants for dinner and he helps make it. Breakfast for dinner is a great idea, made better by an enthusiastic Nixon helping me out. "Be careful mom, the stove is hot!"
25 - I'm thankful for our nap times together. Sometimes, just snuggling in bed and hearing him softly snoring is more peaceful than any nap.
26 - I'm thankful for the pictures and videos I have of Nixon from birth. They're great memories that I don't have from my childhood.
27 - I'm incredibly thankful for the 3 years in Okinawa. With no family (and sometimes no friends) I was forced to step-up as Nixon's mom and I feel I did just fine. I have an awesome husband who, sometimes begrudgingly, took part in silly things I wanted to do as a family and many times enjoyed himself!
28 - I'm grateful I waited until I found a guy I loved and knew I'd marry to have a child. I'm grateful Nixon has 2 parents who genuinely love each other, even when we argue. It happens so rarely that when we do get heated, Nixon will run between us and say "No! You stop it now!" because his whole little world just doesn't work with us arguing. I'm so glad he can defuse an argument with just his little voice telling us to stop. We almost always stop to give him hugs and kisses letting him know we're all okay. It's the 3 of us versus the world!
29 - I'm thankful Nixon enjoys trips to the zoo. Any zoo will do, so long as there are animals and areas to run.
30 -  I'm grateful I have a son. I have MY son, the child I dreamt of for years and never thought I'd actual hold. I hold him in my arms every day, kiss him throughout the day and always tuck him in at night. If I tried I couldn't picture a more perfect child for me. Nixon, you test my patience, share my love for animals (and coffee) and complete me in a way I never imagined. You are the reason I get up every day (and not just because you won't let me sleep anymore). I love you and I'm so blessed you are mine!

I love this child more than he'll ever know!

We have arrived....and what an adventure it's been!

   From a secret location, in the backass woods of Maryland, I am enjoying a cup of coffee with the fine company of 2 large dogs all while listening to birds chirp and cars drive by. 
   I'M FINALLY IN THE STATES BITCHES!!!!


   Well, we've been in the states for 5 days now, but I have barely been standing still since Friday evening. Which found me on a flight to Miami to retrieve and drive Mac's Passat home, while my brother-in-law drove my PT Cruiser. What a long strange journey that became. Which ended with (a) the Passat requiring a tow to Richmond (b) us getting lost, in the dark, after being on the road for nearly 24 hours (c) the kind of tired/crazy that happens when exhaustion would be a welcomed feeling because you've passed it about 30 miles ago. 


   Speaking of the Passat, he's now the property of CarMax and in his place is a 2010 lime (??) green Kia Soul. This Mommy got some new wheels!! More out of necessity and get-it-while-the-gettings-good, than anything else. The Passat, well it needed some engine work, which we got done....but the transmission was also on the way out and at over $4k to replace (fucking German engineering!!), it's just not in our budget, especially with it having over 90K miles on it. Once one things goes, the rest all start to follow. Good thing, though, the car was paid off before we left Okinawa so the entire trade amount was the downpayment for the Soul (aka Tic Tock). 


   And that sums up our first 4 days in Maryland. I drove the East Coast, the Passat crapped out 2 miles before reaching Virginia, we needed a guided tour to find F's house and we're now living in a commune!


   Huh?? What's that? You're a little confused. Oh well, allow me to clear things up:
We went from Okinawa, an island with only a handful of chill non-asshole people on it. To Maryland, a house filled with: 6 adults (3 have since left, but there will be at least 4 again soon), 3 kids aged *almost* 5 and under, 1 infant (the best baby in the world!), 2 dogs (a husky and a 5 month old dane puppy!) and 2 cats. See?? Commune!
    The beauty of the commune (I'm beginning to see the appeal of Sister Wives, y'all), is we're always helping each other out. Especially helpful, if you happen to be wicked ill from the plane ride and feel so congested you think you're actually drunk. Claire has helped Mac and I immeasurably since arriving here and it really reminded me of how much I've missed being around my support system. 


   And now Nixon.....oh, my poor, poor baby boy. Between the time change, the new surroundings, the having built in playmates/pseudo-siblings and Mommy gone for a day plus right after we arrived....he's a little mess. He's having a hard time learning how to fend for himself, when it comes to playing with K-bug and Peanut. Especially K-bug, who is a year younger, several inches shorter and at least 5 pounds lighter. Nixon is, and this is hard as a mom to face, a whiner. He'll cry and whine for someone to "help me" rather than realize he's bigger and can "make" K-bug leave him alone!
   Nixon's the sensitive child, I remember my parents and their friends using that term to describe the bullied/quiet/ "momma's boy" in the neighborhood. Not that Nixon will stay like this, but being as overwhelmed with newness as he is, it's put a spotlight on his clinginess. I love him to death and wish like hell I could make this whole thing easier on him, but he's going to have to deal with it and figure it out on his own. I think the problem may be, I HAVE been making everything easier on him. And that's a big, ugly pill to swallow as a mom. I feel like I may have already failed him before I even knew what I was doing wrong. And now, if we don't rush to him when he cries/whines, he acts like we've abandoned him because he doesn't see we're doing it to help him. In his eyes, what I've always done, is what I should be doing now but I'm not doing it. I'm not swooping in to pick him up and I'm making him figure out how to deal with K-bug.


   We're homeless at the moment, crashing in this impromptu commune, but we've ass deep in love and support! 


    It's good to be home. Even if we're all figuring it out as we go along.  

I was "lestered"

Lester: (n) Lester Naval Hospital, located on Okinawa Japan providing health care to military service members and their dependents while stationed throughout bases around Okinawa.

Lestered: the act of getting treated at Lester Naval Hospital and getting no real answers and vague details as to the issue which should be addressed in the opinion of the doctor.

Confused? You've been lestered!

So talk about your cryptic answers....Nixon had his 3 year check up today with the doctor (no shots YAY!), he's 40 inches tall, 33 lbs and like his mommy has a lower than normal body temp.
Doctor mentions his speech "normally I can understand about 75% what of most 3-year old say"
I say "So should we look into speech therapy? Because he has good days and bad days, but he does also speak random gibberish for no reason"
Doctor's reply? "Well....if he has good days and bad days, and you are leaving in just a few months, it might not be worth the effort to set everything up for the evaluation."

What.The.Fudge just happened?!?!?
Oh yeah.....I was just Lestered!

(my facebook status the afternoon after our doctor's appointment......)

Tuesday morning (disgustingly early by the way....) was Nixon's 3-year old well child visit. At first all was well: he happily stood on the scale to get his weight, he even stood against the wall for his height with no fight and then he had to sit down to get his blood pressure taken. This was the first time its ever happened and Nixon FREAKED out! It got worse when his temp was taken, by the end of that "fun" Nixon was a crying, snot-dripping, shivering mess of a kid. 

And the doctor hadn't even seen him yet.....

Mac and I get Nixon calmed down while in the waiting room and within moments are called to the exam room, to wait for the doctor. Nixon gets into the new room and does his usual sweep of the room, which is actually him running around it as fast as he can and bumping/banging a wall or two. Yay...

Mac focused on keeping Nixon occupied while I spoke to the doctor and answered her questions about Nixon and tried to get Nixon to answer her questions. 

(example of how this went...

Dr: "can you tell me your name? (to Nixon)

Nixon: "My name mommy (because he plays this game at home a lot)

Mac: "No, what's your real name?

Nixon: "My name...Daddy?"

Dr: "he might need to work on that"

Nevermind the fact that Nixon walks around the house and whenever he does something even remotely "naughty" he says "Nixon Mathieu" in the same tone I do.....)

So, then the doctor has to check Nixon's ears....the worst part of every visit for Nixon! He of course get back to the snotty, blubbery, shivering mess he was when his vitals were being taken. 

She tells me, his growth is fine, weight is good but she can barely understand what he says and normally she should be able to understand 75% of what a 3-year old is saying. I ask if we should look into speech therapy and mention we will be leaving Okinawa (tentatively) in May. I also say "he is really upset because of the blood pressure cuff and getting his ears checked. He does speak gibberish sometimes but other times he's very articulate." (I'm not against speech therapy but I want to make sure Nixon's being judged fairly, a 10 minute appointment by a doctor we've never seen before isn't fairly in my opinion.) 

She tells me "Speech therapy is done through the school system here. You'd need a letter from the doctor to even get him evaluated, then get him evaluated and they'll give you a plan of action from there. But it's a long wait and if you're just leaving soon it might not even be worth the effort, you might want to wait till you get to the next station and start there. Is he in daycare or home with you?" 

So we left with no answer of exactly how much she COULD understand of what Nixon said, I was told ALL parents understand more of what their kids say than strangers do (especially parents who are home with them all the time) and I felt like I'm severally failing Nixon somehow.

I was Lestered!

I'm working on Nixon's annunciation and asking him to use words if he knows them. The problem is: he's full-on Mr. Do-Everything-Myself these days and if he doesn't get his way he's not exactly in a work-through-it state of mind. I'm doing the best I can!!! 

So, thank you Lester Doctor who saw my son for about 15 minutes and determined he doesn't speak clearly enough....by the way: did you happen to hear him thank the lady taking his vitals for the Diego stickers??? In Japanese???? Sniffling back tears and all he still said "arigato", my precious baby boy! Thank you for making me feel like a failure as a mom just by reading answers off a paper that I had less than 10 minutes to answer. 

But most of all...thank you for making sure I didn't leave this island without the full "lestered" experience.

  

Letting Nixon BE Nixon....

Sometimes the hardest part of being a mom is letting your child be him/herself. There's so much fucking pressure to raise a boy to be strong and tough and manly, while girls can be soft and girlie and princesses OR rough and tumble tomboys. Nixon likes having his nails painted sometimes, he's even asked for pink once! (HOLY shit he's not right in the head!! No, you fuckface, he's 2 he hasn't "learned" that boys aren't "allowed" to wear pink.) Nixon has pushed a doll stroller through the zoo with his friend, Miss Macy doing the same thing. His stroller was blue and he rolled it kamikaze-style downhill with his precious BeBe in it, while laughing with glee the whole time!


   Today was raining, Mac was at work with the car and Nixon was chilling with me having a snugly movie day. Cartoon Network was doing a movie marathon of sorts and I figured it was better than watching any other movie or show I've seen a million times over with him. A Barbie movie came on and Nixon was enthralled by it! I've never been big on gender roles, or so I've always prided myself on, but to my horror my first reaction was to try to change the channel! I caught myself, and instead left the room to grab a cup of coffee and figure out my issues. It wasn't that Nixon was enjoying a Barbie movie...it was that I've always disliked Barbie and just assumed any child of mine (boy or girl) would feel the same way! I took my coffee and sat down to watch Nixon enjoy a Barbie movie. Turns out...he was only into it for the dancing and singing!


   I guess, my point is, despite my every intention of being that super open minded mom that just doesn't play by the typical gender roles, this one snuck up on me. The one thing I didn't do, which I was really fucking proud of myself about, I didn't say anything to Nixon, I kept the internal struggle over Barbie where it belonged...in my head! Like most times I have an issue with, I don't (at least I try not too) let Nixon see me struggle with the issue. 


   

The wonderful world of terrible 2's is coming to an end

In just a few short days I'll be the proud owner mother of a 3-year old!! I'm still not sure how that happened, but I'm guessing it had something to do with letting him sleep at night! Well, that and feeding him on the regular. 


In honor of his birthday here are photos of him on his birthday since he was born. (I'll add one from tomorrow after the festivities are over)  

This was the moment I realized I was screwed! Nixon was adorable and owned my heart from the minute he was born (well, after he was cleaned up...when he was slimy and gross it was kind of touch and go!)  He was 6pounds 14ounces of perfection! 
And I still remember almost murdering a nurse who refused to bring me a bottle of formula after Nixon's circumcision because he was too upset and hungry to latch onto me correctly and he hadn't eaten in over 6 hours! My very first "momma bear" moment.

On Nixon's first birthday he had a big birthday that weekend and spent the day with us. His new "pal" was Buck from Ice Age 3. 


We started our family tradition of Taco Bell on Nixon's birthday.  

On Nixon's 2nd birthday, I scheduled a free photo session with a new photographer on the island. Nixon and I played on the beach and seawall at the exact moment of his birth. He was his lovely delightful self and I was basking in the glow of being his mother for two full years!


This year proved a trying one as Nixon developed mentally and emotionally plus verbally. I'd be willing to say Nixon spent over a month of his life in Time Out during this year! But for every exasperating moment he brought to me, he gave me a thousand joyous ones in return. 


Nixon says "i love you", "thank you", "please", "excuse me" (though this one is most recently followed by "shhh mommy be quiet"), "I got to dance" and "maybe...." whenever he decides he wants to do something. 






So thank you Nixon for 3 wonderful (and wickedly evil fast passing) years of motherhood. Thank you for teaching me patience, the true meaning of exhaustion, the smiles, the tears, the laughter and most of all, Nixon, thank you being you. 


I love you, and I'm really almost totally over those cracked ribs. I'd say 3 more years and I might stop bringing it up! 


Happy 3rd Birthday to the littlest love of my life!!