"Please stop saying BOMB in public"....why the hell do I have to repeatedly tell this to my 4-year old?!?!

   For some reason Nixon has suddenly become obsessed with "throwing bombs" and running. Not real bombs, mind you. But he wants to tell me "Mom, I just threw a bomb at you, you blew up." I know pretend play is just that, pretend, but there are so many uptight assholes in the world today that might overhear that and actually think my child has a bomb and do something drastic.

   It's for that reason alone, I've started to tell Nixon, when he says anything about bombs, grenades or guns, in public "Nixon, it's okay to play pretend at home, but when we're out of the house you can't talk about those things. Some people won't know it's just pretend and they'll get very nervous and upset."

   I'm trying to curb this new verbal habit of his before he starts preschool in the fall (fingers crossed that he gets a spot). I want him to thrive at school and I'm not totally sure what the school's policy is regarding things like gun-play, to be honest, I'd prefer it to be a non-issue. As in something I never have to worry about because Nixon does not have issues with it outside of the home. Mac has stopped playing video games while Nixon is awake, we're more vigilant about the shows watches because of his behaviors. He wasn't becoming violent, more he was acting desensitized to real-life violence finding it funny....that was a big red flag for me and I was straight up "HELL NO" when that happened.
  I was watching the news, and there was a segment about a violent break-in caught on a nanny cam. The robber brutally beat the home owner and it was caught by the newly installed nanny cam. Nixon happened to come into the living room (he was in the kitchen, eating dinner) and saw the video, he started laughing. I was crying because I was so upset that I couldn't get him to understand it was a real crime, a real person being hurt and not a made-up funny TV thing. He kept telling me "And he kicked her in the face HAHA"
    He eventually noticed I was sitting on the sofa, quietly crying. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that the lady on TV was badly hurt by a bad man. The police were trying to find the man that hurt her, which is why the video was being shown on TV. I told him, honestly, it hurt my heart that he was laughing and I was scared that he thought hurting people was funny. I then told him that lady was a mommy, like me, and her baby was in the room watching her get hurt.
    He said "Mommy, that's sad. Did the man hurt the baby too?" Thankfully, I could tell him the truth, no the baby was not hurt.
    Nixon said "Mommy, don't cry. The naughties (police in Nixonese) will find him and he'll go away." I hope it sunk in, I don't want him thinking hurting people is funny.

   Ugg....who knew this was the age I'd have to worry about this shit with him?!?!

the day my son turned into teenage girl

   Today, Nixon was a monster. Maybe it was because I'm coming down with a cold and have zero tolerance for his BS when I'm getting sick. Maybe it's because I didn't have my morning coffee. Or maybe it's because we were spending Sunday morning grocery shopping.
   Nope, it's definitely all on Nixon and his totally epic tantrum and sudden diva behavior.

   It started with Nixon whining and pouting about putting on his shirt. How on earth does child hit the exact wrong tone with mom when she's not feeling well? Seriously, whining and screeching that he "can't find the right hole!" He had his head in the right hole, but had the shirt twisted so the armholes were in the front and back of the shirt, instead of st his sides. Honest-to-gods, this was end of the world type shit!

   At the store he was pretty good, munching on his little bag of snacks most of the time, until he decided he wanted to get out. I normally don't have an issue with him helping me, but when he won't stay with me and it's stupid crowded, he's better sitting in that fucking beeping car-cart he begged for as we walked into the store than getting out and driving everyone (including dad and I) nuts. He did get back in and was content for the final few minutes of the shopping trip, with the assistance of the PSP. Yeah, judge me, I'd judge me too if I weren't trying to get out of the store with my sanity and dignity intact.

   All was good...until we were placing items on the belt at the register. Nixon decided he had enough and wanted to run around the store. Look, I get it. Shopping is really boring. I can only do so much to keep him entertained while I'm trying to compare prices and find items on my list and coupons. Plus Mac isn't great with crowds but he did let me sleep in and I hadn't finished the lists last night because I needed him to go over them with me.
   My final straw was Nixon telling me no he wasn't going to listen to me. I left the club card and coupons with Mac, grabbed my mouthy little boy and headed out of the store...right into a Matchbox cars display. Seriously, who at Safeway hates me?! Nixon stopped in his tracks, said "Mommy, I want a new car. It's so lovely" and then yelled "NO!" when I told him we were going to the car without a new car. On the way out, he did a lovely move. He dropped to his ass, and spun on the floor just lying there looking up at me like "I won, now what?!" Now what, turned out to be: me stopping, grabbing the PSP from his hand and putting it into my jacket pocket, picking Nixon up off the floor and carrying him out of the store. All in less than 10 seconds after he dropped to the floor. *a special thank you to the asshole that decided to park right on the line next to my car. I had to put Nixon in on the passengers side which is the side Mac sits on so there is not much room. with a child in mid-tantrum I don't exactly have time to move the seat up and get more room to maneuver.* Nixon was finally in his seat and he says "Mommy, you need to tell my you are sorry, because you made me cry." I asked him "Are you going to tell me you are sorry for acting out and lying down in the store?" He says "NO because you should have bought me the car" and that was when I said "NO, my little love, you are wrong. You need to listen to "no" and just accept it. Not throw a tantrum and think that you will get your way" He decided to stop talking to me after that.

   Later in the afternoon he started his dramatic ways again. More tears, more demands, more foot stomping and mood swings. I swear to gods, somehow my son changed from a 4-year-old boy to a teenage girl and I'm not happy about it. There's only room for one moody bitch in this house and I claim that honor! I have the vagina I get to be the moody bitch!

   I love him, but today was a rough one.

I was "lestered"

Lester: (n) Lester Naval Hospital, located on Okinawa Japan providing health care to military service members and their dependents while stationed throughout bases around Okinawa.

Lestered: the act of getting treated at Lester Naval Hospital and getting no real answers and vague details as to the issue which should be addressed in the opinion of the doctor.

Confused? You've been lestered!

So talk about your cryptic answers....Nixon had his 3 year check up today with the doctor (no shots YAY!), he's 40 inches tall, 33 lbs and like his mommy has a lower than normal body temp.
Doctor mentions his speech "normally I can understand about 75% what of most 3-year old say"
I say "So should we look into speech therapy? Because he has good days and bad days, but he does also speak random gibberish for no reason"
Doctor's reply? "Well....if he has good days and bad days, and you are leaving in just a few months, it might not be worth the effort to set everything up for the evaluation."

What.The.Fudge just happened?!?!?
Oh yeah.....I was just Lestered!

(my facebook status the afternoon after our doctor's appointment......)

Tuesday morning (disgustingly early by the way....) was Nixon's 3-year old well child visit. At first all was well: he happily stood on the scale to get his weight, he even stood against the wall for his height with no fight and then he had to sit down to get his blood pressure taken. This was the first time its ever happened and Nixon FREAKED out! It got worse when his temp was taken, by the end of that "fun" Nixon was a crying, snot-dripping, shivering mess of a kid. 

And the doctor hadn't even seen him yet.....

Mac and I get Nixon calmed down while in the waiting room and within moments are called to the exam room, to wait for the doctor. Nixon gets into the new room and does his usual sweep of the room, which is actually him running around it as fast as he can and bumping/banging a wall or two. Yay...

Mac focused on keeping Nixon occupied while I spoke to the doctor and answered her questions about Nixon and tried to get Nixon to answer her questions. 

(example of how this went...

Dr: "can you tell me your name? (to Nixon)

Nixon: "My name mommy (because he plays this game at home a lot)

Mac: "No, what's your real name?

Nixon: "My name...Daddy?"

Dr: "he might need to work on that"

Nevermind the fact that Nixon walks around the house and whenever he does something even remotely "naughty" he says "Nixon Mathieu" in the same tone I do.....)

So, then the doctor has to check Nixon's ears....the worst part of every visit for Nixon! He of course get back to the snotty, blubbery, shivering mess he was when his vitals were being taken. 

She tells me, his growth is fine, weight is good but she can barely understand what he says and normally she should be able to understand 75% of what a 3-year old is saying. I ask if we should look into speech therapy and mention we will be leaving Okinawa (tentatively) in May. I also say "he is really upset because of the blood pressure cuff and getting his ears checked. He does speak gibberish sometimes but other times he's very articulate." (I'm not against speech therapy but I want to make sure Nixon's being judged fairly, a 10 minute appointment by a doctor we've never seen before isn't fairly in my opinion.) 

She tells me "Speech therapy is done through the school system here. You'd need a letter from the doctor to even get him evaluated, then get him evaluated and they'll give you a plan of action from there. But it's a long wait and if you're just leaving soon it might not even be worth the effort, you might want to wait till you get to the next station and start there. Is he in daycare or home with you?" 

So we left with no answer of exactly how much she COULD understand of what Nixon said, I was told ALL parents understand more of what their kids say than strangers do (especially parents who are home with them all the time) and I felt like I'm severally failing Nixon somehow.

I was Lestered!

I'm working on Nixon's annunciation and asking him to use words if he knows them. The problem is: he's full-on Mr. Do-Everything-Myself these days and if he doesn't get his way he's not exactly in a work-through-it state of mind. I'm doing the best I can!!! 

So, thank you Lester Doctor who saw my son for about 15 minutes and determined he doesn't speak clearly enough....by the way: did you happen to hear him thank the lady taking his vitals for the Diego stickers??? In Japanese???? Sniffling back tears and all he still said "arigato", my precious baby boy! Thank you for making me feel like a failure as a mom just by reading answers off a paper that I had less than 10 minutes to answer. 

But most of all...thank you for making sure I didn't leave this island without the full "lestered" experience.