Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Why the stigma on an only child??

Anyone that knows me, knows that Nixon will be my/our only child. Its not a decision that we made blindly or just because we're selfish or because we hate being parents. There were a lot of factors that contributed to our final decision. I love being a mom and, under different circumstances, we'd have more but things are what they are and I love having Nixon as a part of my life. I'm blessed to be his mom, to help raise him and guide him through his life. I'm not going into every aspect of why things are what they are, because to be 100% honest, it's no one's business but Mac and I's. We are doing what we feel is best for us and best for Nixon, in the long run.
For the most part, our families are understanding and accepting, if not supportive. Trust me, not even they know all the reasons for our choice. Most of you know how my family is, so its no surprise that they're pretty much out of the loop on this one.

My point is this, when I meet new people (especially other moms) the question of future kids comes up. I have no regrets that I'm having only one, and I don't apologize for it. Most people are cool with it, once they realize this isn't a "oh I just don't want to be pregnant again" thing. Some people try to convince that we're cheating Nixon of something wonderful, like siblings are the greatest thing in the world. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but my sister and I are not that close. In fact, we hardly see eye-to-eye on anything and we clash over several things and we've done that all our lives. I'm not cheating Nixon of anything by not giving him a sibling.
So I met a new mom who Nixon and I had a play date with yesterday. Usually nothing gets under my skin. I've been dealing with stuff and letting it go. And as nice as this woman was, it really bothered me at the end of the day when she said "I was an only and I just couldn't do that to my child" but then proceeded to say how much she hated pregnancy and the first couple of months and how daycare was her "sanity's best friend"! Her daughter is only 6 1/ months old!! I said things like "well we've made our choice and we have our reasons" and "how will Nixon know what's he's missing if he's never had it?" and "not every only child wishes for a sibling". I found myself defending our choice! Because of the disgust in her voice about her being an only child. I almost felt compelled to tell her we're "thinking" of more!!
Why?!?! So she didn't like being an only child. I didn't like having a sibling!! Driving home, it pissed me off. Not that she felt the way she did, but that I felt (and almost acted on the feelings) like I should apologize for only having Nixon! Sure, my pregnancy wasn't great and the first couple of weeks were rough, and yeah it'd be nice to have a break now and then, but I wouldn't trade a minute home with Nixon to go to work and leave him with someone else.

And why do people with more than one (or even plans to have more) feel compelled to INSIST that everyone should have multiple children?? Why are parents with only one child (for whatever the reason) looked on as selfish or insensitive to their child's needs or even mental health? If I felt like you needed to know ALL the reasons for being "one and done" I'd goddamn tell you! I'm not telling a relative stranger, because that's between my husband and myself. End. Of. Story.
He is my one and Only....he is not suffering, malnourished or abused. he is not lacking love or attention. And he is not less of a child because he does not (and will not) have a sibling. Which is what every single person who says he needs a sibling is saying about him..that he can not complete our family by himself.
To that I say....Just watch him do it!