Friday, June 29, 2012

He just HAD to make me act like a real parent, didn't he???

I love my son, I love my son, I love my son. I just have days where I don't like his attitude very much. Lately those days are pretty much every day I wake up and the sun is in the sky.

Today was the day he crossed my line in the sand. He started with the throwing stuff, I took it away, he threw some more. I had enough and took him upstairs to his room for a time out. He was fine, out in his 3 minutes back downstairs. Easy peasy. Except that he decided to throw more toys and start yelling within 10 minutes of getting out of T.O. After looking at the clock, it was close enough to naptime, so I told him "upstairs". He yelled at me, I carried him upstairs and into his bedroom. He threw one toy at me, I threw it into the hallway just outside his bedroom. He threw another toy, I put it with the first toy. After he was out of toys I asked if he wanted to throw anything else, when he grabbed his pillow dinosaur I took it as a non-verbal yes and threw the pillow in the hall as well. Then I took his other pillow and both his blankets, plus his aquarium light for good measurement, leaving him just his air mattress (his bed comes in on Tuesday).

To say he lost his shit when he realized I was serious about taking everything in his room away would be a complete understatement! He lost his mind! He melted down, crying hard and loudly for at least 20 minutes non-stop! It was naptime to begin with, the screaming at me before I took him to his bedroom clinched that for him. By 25 minutes I needed to calm him down so he'd sleep, so I went upstairs and explained why he was in his room, why I took everything away and made sure to tell him I loved him....over and over and over again. I also gave him one pillow and a blanket back, so he'd go to sleep.

I pulled an ultimate parenting move. On a 3-year old! I wasn't expecting to do this shit for at least 7-9 more years! But as always, Nixon seems to be a little ahead of the curve. I'm sorry, but throwing toys, especially after he was made to throw some out earlier this week for throwing them, is a no-go. He's got a real throwing issue and I can't seem to find a way to get thru to him that him that it is not acceptable behavior. He throws toys at the cats, he throws things/toys at me. He throws things into the ceiling fans.

I'm at my mothering wits end!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Logic, according to a 3-year old

Nixon declared yesterday, his favorite color is green. I found this hilarious on multiple levels: he spent the morning in bed with me asking to see "my mommy's favorite eyes", he kept playing with "my favorite green yo-yo" and he is obsessed with riding in "the green car".

Let me elaborate.
My eyes are green.
His yo-yo is green (and is now in the garbage because he sent it whizzing through the air, inches from my head last night and crashing into the living room window. He's in a throwing phase and lots of toys are getting thrown out as a subsequent action.)
My new car, the Kia Soul, is green.

I'd like to say it's coincidence but I think the truth is: I've accidentally bribed Nixon into thinking green is the best color in the world! Everytime we go for a ride in my car, he gets to pick a matchbox car from a multipack I keep in the back of my car. It makes getting him out to the car less of a fight, and he has something to look forward to. Expect now, he ONLY wants to go in the green car, even though I set up a small box of new cars for him in Mac's car as well.

Last night, Mac was taking Nixon for a ride and asked Nixon which car he wanted to ride in. Nixon had seen me putting the box of new cars in Mac's car the night before, which should have been enough to get Nixon to say "blue car"....but no.

Mac: Nixon, we're going to go for a ride.
Nixon: In the green car?
Mac: No buddy, mommy is staying home, so we're taking the blue car.
Nixon: NO! No! Blue car! Only green car!
me: Nixon, you know the blue car has toys in it now too, right?
Nixon: NO, blue car is stupid!
me: What?!
Mac: Nixon, do you want to take the green car?
Nixon: Yes. May I have go in green car please?
me: Nixon, what's wrong with daddy's blue car?
Nixon: Blue car is not green car. *and he walks away*
me: *to Mac* You really can't argue with that logic.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

It finally happened....we lost one

It's been 10 days since it happened and it's been 6 days since Nixon asked for him last. All the preparations in the world wouldn't have helped ease the pain of my baby boy's first broken heart.

We lost a Bebe. Not just any Bebe. We lost THE BeBe. The first BeBe, small BeBe in Nixonese.

We lost him on my birthday, of all days.

We went to breakfast, at a crowded diner. He left with us.
We went to Big Lots, he was in the cart with Nixon, at first. We got home, unloaded the car BeBe.
Mac called the diner, just double checking, and they hadn't found him there.
I called Big Lots, no one turned him in or seen him.
Small BeBe was indeed, gone.
Cue inconsolable child now!

Two days and nights of Nixon asking for small BeBe, throwing his other two IDENTICAL bebes, telling us they were stupid. He even insisted on looking in the car, himself, because I must've missed him somehow. Not his exact words, but it was pretty much the gist. Then he decided small BeBe must be in the washer and I had to get him out! It was painful to watch him try so hard to find a bear that had just vanished.

Finally, he accepted BeBe 2 (bigger BeBe in Nixonese) as the main BeBe. But he started chewing his tail, like small Be's tail was, from when Nixon was teething. And Nixon now calls him his "teddy bear" and not "BeBe" as much. Mac noticed it first and asked me about it. My only explanation is Nixon knows it's not BeBe and is acknowledging such with the title change. He's still attached to it, but it's a more love/hate relationship. Nixon's much more tough on "My Teddy Bear". Lots of throwing him, tossing him at the ceiling and into fans, at the cats (once), bombing Mac and I with him. He cries when he's taken away from these behaviors, but doesn't stop doing them. He hasn't gone to bed with him in 3 nights, and he does cry about it, but as long as he sees him in the morning he's okay with it. if only we could lose those pesky fingers in his mouth!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It's not all rainbows and butterflies, sometimes its shit piles and flies

Just when things at home start looking up, things for friends of ours take a giant nosedive south. It's nearly impossible not to sit down and cry just thinking about (a) how incredibly lucky I am these days, in my marriage and my family's health and (b) how cruel and unfair life is to the most wonderful people. It's hard not to be angry and pissed off at a deity I don't name because I've lost what little faith I may have had left all over again.

For a little background, you can check out this page (just enter your email address and create a password). It's a journal created to follow the journey of my friend's son as he fights SJS, Steven Johnson's Syndrome. He's Nixon's age, born the same month as Nixon. But Kai is a little extra special, he's got an extra chromosome, more commonly known as Down Syndrome. He's had open heart surgery as an infant and his mom has become a champion for the Down Syndrome community. He is her cause!
We're connected through a private forum on, with over 20 other women who all have November 08 babies.
It's been hard to read the updates and see the pictures that Kai's mom is posting of Kai fighting this illness from his hospital room. It's hard to not be able to find the words to support a good friend.

Weren't things supposed to be better when we were back in the states??

As if that wasn't bad enough, one of Mac's closest friends, one of the first friends of his I met as his "girlfriend", was facing a family crisis of her own. Her mother had a horse riding accident and was in a coma. She and her mother are incredibly close, so it was another painful, no right words to say, moment.
After a few weeks there was another CT scan and it was determined, the brain damage was too severe she wouldn't recover from it. The family had to honor her wishes and take her off the machines. As much as I've discussed my choices with Mac on this subject, I've never had to be in the position to make the choice. My heart broke in a million pieces for her, when I read that update on the facebook support page created for her mom.
Her mom passed away a few days later. Her mom had an amazing spirit that she passed onto her daughter, son and grandsons. She has a large circle of friends that will miss her dearly.

All this happened in a one week time span. Kai's hospital admission, his downgraded case from SJS to TENS (please read the journal in the link posted,, it's the best place for info) and our friend's mother's passing. Added in there is another friend's son having iffy blood tests.There's just not enough good news to go around these days.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

You can take the bitch *me* out of Oki but I leave an impression

To whom it may concern,
    This is my blog. I know you've read it and are pissed off by it and could care less. Thanks for the warm and fuzzy birthday message you sent me, but in the future, leave all comments on my blog NOT sent to my husband through your husband's facebook account. Seriously, how high school do you want to prove you are? Cause that, kind of took the cake and proved my point.

   Your issue is with me and what I have the freedom to write/say, NOT with my husband and as far as I know your husband has no issue with mine at all. Their friendship is a strictly professional one at this point, so please respect that and leave it at that. Any issue with me can be addressed here, I'm open and welcome all comments not just those that find me hilarious and a pleasure to read. You obviously are not a fan but thanks for reading my blog none-the-less. I appreciate all my readers fans or haters.

   Also, much love to whoever spread the word to you about my blog. This is twice a hater has found it and brought it my husband's attention. I'm a little hurt haters can't just leave my husband out of the whole thing. It's not his words pissing everyone off, it's mine.

Thanks again for reading. I love knowing thousands of miles away I can still piss someone off to make them drop f-bombs and call me a bitch, all over a blog! Happy birthday to me!

One happy bitch

Saturday, June 2, 2012

From a secret location.....

  Where to start...where to start..

How about here? We got our place!! We moved in Thursday evening and the cats, while at the moment were still in one room together, are where they belong and will soon have free reign of the new place. Nixon will once again have his own room as will Mac and I. FINALLY!!

In other news: I needed a break and had heard my dad is kind of in a bad place emotionally speaking, so Nixon and I took our first road trip together. I'm spending the weekend at home in Western New York. It was a very last minute decision so no one got a lot of warning. I did wait until I arrived to call Marsha (aka my grandmother) and let her know I was here. I had wanted to just surprise her, but she made that impossible by being....well herself. And she even tried to make me feel bad for coming home with no advance notice, so she could make something work. (I'm sorry, but since when is a visit from a family member you haven't seen in over 3 years, any thing less than awesome?!?!)

  I called my grandparents last night, hoping to find a good time to surprise them with a visit on Saturday. After a few minutes it became clear I had no choice but to ruin the surprise, if I wanted to see them.

me: (gram had just asked for our new address and I said I'd call her tomorrow with it) When's a good time that you'll be home?
gram: Oh not tomorrow! I've got to be at church all day.
me: Okay, how about Sunday?
gram: No Sunday's not good either.....why don't you just give it to me now?
me: You know, you're really making this difficult!
gram: I don't mean too.....but we're very busy people, Beck.
me: Well, I was going to drop by, but you don't seem to have time for us.
gram: WHAT?!? Are you joking?? YOU are HERE?!?
me: yep, and you just made me ruin the surprise.
gram: well, if you'd told me you were coming I could have made time. Let's see, I'll be at the church, you remember how to get there right?, I'll be there all day tomorrow and then I have the dance recital tomorrow night.
me: church is NOT an option.
gram: well you can come to Artpark for the dance I suppose
me: no, Nixon will never sit still for all that.
gram: well leave him home with Mac
me: Mac's not here it's just me and Nixon
gram: well, what about leaving him with your mom??
me: Gram, tomorrow night and leaving him somewhere is not an option either
gram: Well, Beck, you're really not working with me here.
me: Gee Gram, sorry I tried to surprise you. I guess we can just wait till the next time I come home to visit.
gram: Well, Sunday's no good either. Neither is Monday (she hasn't even asked how long we'll be in the area for) You can come to church with us Sunday. I know everyone would love to meet Nixon \
me: Gram....NO church!
grandpa: how about lunch on Sunday? We can meet here after church.
me: I can do that
gram: Well, I suppose that will work, doesn't give me much time to plan anything though
me: Gram, it's almost like that was the idea in the first place
gram: Beck, this is why I ask for warning
me: And that's why I don't give it. This was a short notice trip, I needed a break. You can see us or I'll go home and you didn't make time for us.
**It was really annoying that she kept pushing church on me as an option.**
grandpa: Well it's settled. We will see you and Nixon on Sunday for lunch.
me: Thanks grandpa, that's great!
gram: Well, I suppose it is. I'll just have to find time to do something special for lunch.
me: Whatever gram, really, it's not a big deal.
gram: Obviously, I was an after thought, since I am sure you are staying at Lynne's.
me: Gram, I'm not telling where I'm staying, I'm in neutral territory.
gram: Oh I'm sure that's not true. Do your parents know you're here? Does Mandi?
me: Yes they do and I have plans to see them already.
gram: So I really was the last person to know. Thank you for thinking of me at all.
me: Of course gram!
gram: Beck, that wasn't a "thank you".
me: Gram I'll see you Sunday! Bye.!! haha