Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It sucks cause I can't be the mom I want to be AND be the parent Nixon needs too

   I've fought really hard about whether or not I'd write this blog. It's been eating away at me for several days since it happened and I can't let it go. To some, it'll seem like I'm being a drama queen overreacting to something that I should just accept and let go. To others, who know me and know how hard I've fought to not make this parenting choice, they'll get why it's eating me up inside. 

   Nixon's become one big barrel of defiance these days. He's spending a fair amount of time in his bedroom for throwing things and for screaming (no more time outs in the hallway, those became too mundane for him), he's getting toys taken away for not cleaning up when told (he still has so many that he's not really missing any...yet) and he's gone to bed more than once without his usual bedtime routine because he refused to listen to myself or Mac when told to (those nights are especially hard on me). He's just starting to learn he can say "no" but there are consequences for it. 
  On the flip side, there are things that he LOVES and when he asks for those things (his monkey learning game is one), I can ask him to clean up first and he'll do it with little resistance because he WANTS his monkey game time. Knowing he wants something makes my life a little easier because it means he'll be willing to do what I ask him to do without the usual fights and he's learning about responsibility in the process. It's a small step towards a bigger goal, but I'll take it as a win, none-the-less.

  All of this has been done without yelling (on my part) and all while I remained firm in my "no spanking" parenting stance. 

    Until Monday evening that is. 
    We had to run to the base mall for a few things I needed to start preparing the cats crates, in the event we need them when we fly home (whenever the fucking bloody hell that is...seriously STILL no damned date, can you believe this shit?!?!?). I'm sewing custom made piddle pads for each crate and securing them to the bottom of the crate with thick velcro. My hope is the cats will feel more comfortable, in the event they do have to fly home in their crates.
   Nixon was relatively well behaved, until we got to the registers and he started asking for a car. When he was told "no" he screeched, I took his hand and guided him towards the exit while Mac stayed in line to pay for everything...this is our usual stand-and-conquer technique when Nixon acts like this. Once Nixon and I got downstairs, he was fine. We waited for Mac, who then bought a small milkshake and split it with Nixon on the walk out to the car. 
   I honestly have no clue what went through my kid's head between the time I opened the car door for him and the next 5 seconds, but he lost his damned mind and BOLTED out into the parking lot like it was a goddamned field of flowers he could frolic in! I ran after him, grabbed his arm, and.....spanked his butt without even thinking about it! I led him back to the car, as I listened to Nixon yelling "Mommy you hurted my butt!" and saw Mac's face as he looked at me. 
   I put Nixon in his car seat and told him "Nixon, I'm very sorry I spanked your butt, but you can NOT run into the parking lot like that, EVER! You could get hurt very badly if a car didn't see you run out in front of it. I didn't like spanking you, it hurt my heart very much to do it, but baby, if you got hurt by a car it'd hurt my heart even more." Nixon looked at me and said "Mommy, I sorry my butt hurts" about feeling like an asshole.

   We drove home and I sat with my face touching the window, choking back tears. I can rationalize it all I want, but the truth is....I really did NEVER want to spank my son. And it didn't help matters that Mac's idea of comforting me was telling me "Well it was bound to happen eventually", as if it was only a matter of time before Nixon was spanked and that my serious desire to be a spank-free household was never going to actually be a reality in the first place. Thanks, honey. 

Thursday, March 22, 2012 wery,wery qwiet. I spy a DRAMA LLAMA!!!

  Well, seems the Drama Llamas have been a little on the quiet and subdued side lately, right? Have no fear, I found a new one today! 
   I give you: Judgmental, eye-rolling, tongue-clicking, mouth-moving when reading, kid-walking-into, middle-aged bitty, Drama Llama!!

   Nixon and I went to the base mall today after checking mail. I am in serious get-me-the-fuck-out-of-Okinawa mode, and part of that requires getting Nixon excited and keeping him excited about the next stage of his life: moving to Maryland. I've promised him a countdown to our plane ride home, but without a travel date I can't come through on that promise. I decided today...the hell with a travel date, I'm giving Nixon his damned countdown! I bought a bunch of stickers for the countdown board and even managed to find some airplane stickers. SCORE! 
   I thought I was in the clear, heading to the registers, having distracted Nixon from asking for a car by getting him some stickers of his own. And I was right, until he realized we were actually LEAVING the store without getting him a car. 
enter screeching child here
   I got him out of the mall and we were heading to the car, walking behind 4 adults meandering and one woman, in particular, kept turning around and tossing Nixon (who was not screaming but was whimpering and asking for "just one car mommy....I need a have one car") a disgusted look. It might have been pity for him having such an evil mother, but either way it wasn't friendly and she was obviously annoyed that we were "following" her group. 
    We reach the parking lot and cross, away from the group and nasty eye, even though it meant we were a little further from the car. Well, hell if we don't get the car and find nasty eye and her other lady friend standing directly behind MY car, reading my bumper sticker. How do I know she was reading it? I was less than 3 feet from her, her body was shifted towards her friend and therefore towards me, and...she reads with her mouth moving! UGGGGGG! (sorry if that offends anyone, but that was just icing on the bitch cake for me)
   The bumper sticker that they were both so intent on reading, they didn't hear me come up behind them or hear me say "Excuse me" as I walked past them to unlock the car or apparently see Nixon as nasty eye almost tripped over him as he was holding my hand trying to get around me when she finally notice me walking by car to put Nixon into his carseat, says: 
If you don't like gay marriage, 
blame the straight people.
They're the ones who keep having 
the gay babies.

   I'm going to go out on a limb and say neither of these Drama Llamas are gay marriage supporters nor do they have a sense of humor about the subject. Nasty eye clicked her tongue, shook her head and said "oh, okaayy" and head tilted in my direction as she and her friend walked away from my car. 

  Now, if Nixon wasn't with me, I damned sure would've asked that bitch what the hell her problem was! I mean, the bumper sticker is pure and simple common sense. It still takes egg and sperm to make a baby, right? So that means it's still the straights who are having the babies, right? It is not in any way, shape or form a reflection of my parenting skills, am I wrong?? I mean, unless somehow my sense of humor and gay marriage support is causing Nixon to act out and rebel because deep down he is against it but can't tell me that yet. Then of course, that would mean he can read and understand the bumper sticker and I'm going to say since the whole issue with him was over my not buying him a car and NOT over the bumper sticker on the car...OhMyGoddess that's it!! I've discovered why Nixon is constantly asking for "one car". It's not because he likes cars, like Mac and I have always thought. It's because he's trying to find one that isn't tainted with his mother's crazy, left way of thinking, gay-is-okay, live and let live, hippy bullshit feeling! Nixon is trying to tell us, using cars, that he...supports Mitt Romney!!!!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not my baby!!! Anything but my baby!!

Okay, now back to the subject at hand, since it seems this particular Drama Llama comes with a severe case a self-inflicted delusions and toddler conspiracy theories.   

In other random family news; Nixon now pees standing up. He taught himself how to do it, without even letting me know. No cheerio targets for him. Nope, he just gets on his tiptoes and lets it all flow! I swear, just when I think I couldn't love him any more, he does something amazing and simplistic like peeing standing up, and I become a big weepy pile of mommy goo all over again.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

In the grey area of parenting, how do you shine??

   Saturday evening found my family at the USO for a chili cook off with me as a contestant. It was my first ever cooking competition which of course meant I was slightly unprepared (left a ladle at home) and more than a little nervous. I also had Nixon with me while Mac ran home to grab the forgotten ladle for me.
    Now, here is a common misperception about Nixon based on his height especially when he's seen standing next to my 5-foot 1-inch self...he's very often perceived to be a child who is 4 or 5, not a child who is only 3. Nixon is approximately 41.5 to 42 inches tall, he was in the 98th percentile for height at his last check up. This proved to, once again, be the case on Saturday. It also was our first instance of Nixon being singled out for being "different" by a child and mocked for being "different". I also got to witness my son rising above the mocking and doing his own thing!

   Nixon was playing with 2 children, a boy about 5 or 6 and a girl probably 5. They were chasing each other, playing tag (Nixon obviously didn't grasp the concept of freeze tag), and jumping off a stage in the room (which I wouldn't even let Nixon climb up). Nixon, being 3 and having a mind that races faster than his mouth can speak sometimes (he gets it from me, I stumble over words frequently) has this thing that he does where he'll get stuck and instead of words coming out, because he's so excited, he'll say "dee du die doo dee". Usually, I'll just tell him to calm down and think about what he's trying to say. Of course, that's coming from his mother not some random older kid who has never met him before and hasn't figured out that Nixon is 3 not 4,5 or 6. 
   The older boy heard Nixon do his excited talk and decided to start mocking Nixon with it. Well, Nixon being 3 didn't understand the older boy was being cruel, so he ignored him and continued doing his own thing. But I got it. I sat back and watched as this older child went to the girl (who not an hour before this had sat down with Nixon and watched part of a movie with him in the hall during the judges tasting) and got her mocking Nixon's excited talk too. They ran around chasing each other, mocking Nixon and my baby boy was off next to the radio dancing to Aerosmith and other classic rock bands! 
   Meanwhile, my heart was breaking. It's not like I expect Nixon to never be made fun of in his life. But I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have ringside seats for the first time it happens and I was picturing it happening in school, not a weekend social event I dragged him to. I hurt in a place I didn't realize I had. My perfect child was being mocked for something he doesn't even realize he's doing, by a kid who (despite being 2-3 years older than Nixon) had actually listened to Nixon when he held up his hand and said "woah, woah, woah STOP!" and later tried doing the robot because Nixon was doing it. 
   My heart hurt but I was kind of impressed that Nixon was a leader more than a follower. But damn was it hard not to get up and knock the piss out of that kid for mocking Nixon! I have a feeling that no matter how old Nixon gets, how tall he gets and how far away he goes I will always want to smack the piss out of the people who mock him for being true to himself!
   *In other news, I did not place in the chili cook off. I was told if there was a 4th place prize I'd have gotten it because my veggie chili with sweet potatoes was unique but tasty.*
  K had a death in her family this week and I managed to make it a lesson in empathy for Nixon. Miss Macy's hamster, Gummy Gummy, had an accident and did not survive. Gummy Gummy was very loved by Miss Macy, despite some of the barriers the two of them faced like....Miss Macy carrying him around in a toy coffee pot and reaching in to get him from his cage wearing a gardening glove (he bit, so it was a precautionary measure on her part). 
   Miss Macy took Gummy Gummy's passing very hard and while most parents would just rush out and buy another hamster to save their child from heartbreak due to their move, like ours, it's just not an option. Gummy Gummy was buried and K spent the day watching Miss Macy in the yard talking to the area where Gummy Gummy was and also watching her try to dig him up because he's "all alone". It's heartbreaking for any parent but especially hard when the child is 3 and doesn't really understand. 
   Nixon and I went to visit K and Miss Macy today. Before we did, we stopped to buy flowers for Miss Macy. Nixon asked why, after picking a beautiful bouquet, and we had this conversation in the car ride:
me: Nixon, gummy gummy is gone and Miss Macy is really sad. The flowers are to make her feel better.
Nixon: gummy gummy is gone?
me: yes. Miss Macy's sad because she'll never see him again.
Nixon: I help her find gummy gummy
me: Oh baby, that's very nice but gummy gummy isn't hiding. 
me: Nixon, if you never saw Amber again would you be sad?
Nixon: uh-huh. I love Amber
me: Exactly, and Miss Macy loves gummy gummy. The flowers are to let her know we love her and are sad she feels bad about gummy gummy. It's nice to make people feel better when they are sad.
Nixon: okay...
me: So if Amber was gone you'd like it if someone did something nice for you, right?
Nixon: buy me 3 cars?!?!?
me: yes Nixon, bringing you cars would be nice.
Nixon: Miss Macy gets fowers. I have cars.

He did give Miss Macy a hug and they did play and "fight" like they normally do. I don't know if he really got what I was trying to teach him, it's all kind of a grey area, but it's better to try to teach something than ignore it.

   Anyone else deal with bullying of a child or death of a pet? Is there a right or wrong way to handle it? (Anything that lands you in jail is obviously the WRONG's a given)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Time is NOT on our maybe pull the thumb out yer ass?!?!?

   I'm not exactly known for my laidback, roll-with-the-punches attitude. I'm far more likely to cuss and scream when something isn't going my way, than I am to shrug it off and say "oh well, that's just life". So, you can imagine how I'm feeling being less than 2 months away from Mac's rotation date off Oki-traz (thanks K, a more fitting name there's never been) with still no travel date. Now add in that the info I'm reading about pets says no pets are flying out of Japan, meaning if we get a flight itinerary to Tokyo from Okinawa....we are FUCKED! Not screwed...FUCKED with a capital UCKED! 

   But it seems no one cares. Because Mac's travel packet has been submitted now for a FUCKING MONTH!!! That's right, by the time everyone reads this, it will have been 4 mother-fucking-weeks, that some desk has been sitting on the packet that contains the paperwork required to get us the HELL out of here! 

   Now, it'd seem simple enough, like I could just call and give hypothetical dates for the cats and get information right?? WRONG! Since the United/Continental merger wait times for phone calls to customer service have been HOURS long and I don't have a flight number, so they *technically* can't offer me any assistance without it! My entire planning right now is in limbo, hanging in the balance of some fucking desk jockey who may or may not give a damn enough to ever do their fucking job and get my family of 3 booked on (confirmed) flights to Maryland before the middle of May so that I can do MY fucking job and get my cats taken care of and home with us. 
   And oh yeah....they won't be in the cabin with us. At least not for the longest part out of Okinawa. I got the cats soft carriers and they're now both sleeping in them...for no reason, apparently. Or so I've read. Something about the recycled air/allergens in the air/possible severe allergies of other passengers. It makes sense but it also makes me annoyed. 
   Also *allegedly* we'll be charged the former fee of $250 per pet, so yay! BUT, we have to get them booked on the flights soon, which leads me back to......

  In other news, because that above is really not so much news as it is a vent of random words that may or may not make a coherent thought. Saturday I'm entering a Chili Cook Off. Woot Woot!! It's for fun, with prizes and I'm all about trying anything to keep my mind off everything else. So here's to dropping everything in the crockpot, and going about my day LOL.....cause that's how my chili gets made!!  

Friday, March 9, 2012

And then I took a social stance against the word "brat"

A debate started, based on this family's travel experience on a private board I (regretfully) am still a member of. The family was kicked off the plane, stranded and forced to pay out-of-pocket for their next flight after their 2-year old wouldn't stay in her seat. Problematic? Yes. But that was the least of the debate. I've included the comments, removed names but color coded to signify comments by repeat people. 

B- wow. what a holes
CC- That was stupid ... The 1st time my son got on a plane he did the same, was scared to death, kids do took him a good 30 minutes to calm down, glad I was not taken off the plane.
MC- Let someone try and throw me off my flight in may for my child. There kids. Not dogs
Z- I guess you should know if your kid will sit still or not...hence why we chose to bring my son's car seat on the plane as he understood you sit in your seat. The captain and flight attendants are there for people's safety. If those parents can't control a 2yo they've got a big problem and the other passengers are probably glad to get the brat off there.
ReaBall If you read the story, it sounds like the family had spent a lengthy time on planes and the child was probably just tired of sitting down. They had her seated and buckled prior to take off but the pilot decided to kick them off anyhow. 
Since the airline chose to remove them, leaving them effectively stranded, Jet Blue at the very least the should've been re-booked the family on a flight the following day at the airlines expense NOT the family's own, at which time the 2 year old more than likely would've sat just fine in her seat. 
To call a 2 year old a "brat" simply from a blurb in a paper seems unfair. My child acts up when tired too, but let me hear someone call him a brat when it happens! I'll momma bear the hell outta someone!! Unless someone has perfect control of their child, never raising a voice/hand/threat or using any other measure to keep said child in check, it's not fair to judge another parent, especially parents of toddlers/preschoolers. This article is my biggest fear about PCS'ing in May, because I can't control the flight times we're given and if it doesn't mesh with my son's schedule....well y'all may be reading about a family stranded in China! lol
N- wow what!? Z, are you calling a two year a brat bc they dont like to sit? Im sorry, you cant judge a two year old bc they dont want to be MADE to sit down. hell, adults have problems staying seated after so many hours! my child and i did space a last year and god forbid any mother ever sit behind the woman I had to sit behind. people need to understand that toddlers are toddlers, not every parent can control them at this age. my daughter listens very well for this age, but MAKING her sit down? in her eyes, you couldnt do anything worse, so for you to blatantly call a 2 year old a brat bc they are being, well TWO seems harsh. Do you have a child thats ever been two? and not everyone can bring car seats...i know i wanted to, but that wouldve made for too much luggage for us and it was just me and my two year old. Not trying to come across as mean or rude, but i do feel that that comment was a little harsh =)
CA- I wonder what will happen on wed when I'm flying home alone with a 4 year old and 11 month old that hates sitting and always wants to walk
Rx- This is sad. I don't expect everyone to like my kids, but I do expect them to be decent human beings and try to understand that my children go where I do, and I do the best I can to keep them calm and quiet. But traveling with kids is HARD. They do not WANT to sit for hours on end. They're not designed to. But given a few more minutes, even five, the airline could have accommodated this family. If I had been a flight attendant or fellow passenger, I would have busted out juice, crackers, played peekaboo with a damn blanket... I *have* done this for other families on planes. Kicking them off was ridiculous. =[ CA, I wish you a peaceful, uneventful flight home. Keep snacks on hand, and your iPhone charged if you have one. Good luck!
CA- Thank you!!! I hoping it be a good flight!! First time home in 2 years!
JS- Ok I see the traveling with kids is hard (I have 3 under age 9). But I can see where the pilot and other crew members are coming from. This happened before the plane even took off! How is the crew to know if this child would calm down after they took off? 
The article even states that the parents had her buckled but were still having to hold her down. What if they took off and the child continued to freak out and cause EVEN MORE drama in the air?
ReaBall ‎- (JS) I agree, but to not re-book them is outrageous! Hell, when airlines remove drunks, they let them sober up and book them on a later flight!
JS- I also doubt that if they plane was in the air already that they would have turned around and kicked them off.
ReaBall She may very well have fallen asleep once the plane was in the air....these things we'll never know.
Z- Exactly,  And sorry (N),but a parent should be able to control a 2 yr old and most people are going to need a carseat when they arrive so bringing it on the plane isn't that big of a deal. By age 2 a kid understands what a carseat is and they're meant to sit in it. I've traveled w/ a 1yr old on the plane, in my lap just fine and we came over here w/ a 4yo and he would've gotten his butt spanked if he pulled that crap.
ReaBall A 1 year old and 4 year old are different "breeds" than 2 year olds. And I haven't traveled with my 3 year old yet, but I'm surely not lugging a convertible carseat through the airport and trying to secure it in the small plane seats!
E- They should have had a carseat. If I were on that flight I would have been thankful for them removing the family. I do think they should have rebooked the family though...that part was wrong that they had to come out of pocket again for another flight........ ReaBall so what are you going to do when you land and need to get into a vehicle with no carseat? We PCS'd over here with a carseat and we will PCS out of here with a carseat. A carseat is NOT too much luggage in my opinion when it could mean my daughters safety. Hell we had a TON of bags when we came over here and while the carseat was a pain....we still brought it because my daughter knew that is where she had to sit. My daughter is now 4 and WILL NOT get into a car without her "safety net" aka her carseat. :-) JMO though :-)
**Clearly reading is not her strong suit...I never said I was traveling without a carseat. I simply said I'm not taking it through the airport with me. Common sense (not her strong suit??) would imply it's getting checked with luggage. **)
D- So the kids had been on a long flight and were tired of sitting? Maybe the kid has anxiety about taking off. Wow...
(the one and only!)K- I thought two year olds had to have a carseat? Either way to call someones child a brat is harsh. Kids are kids, they get overstimulated, tired, cranky just like we do and unless we all were there on the plane we have not right to judge the family and children.
N -to (Z)when your flying by yourself and have too much luggage already, then some ppl cant bring a carseat..i cant believe what everyone is saying here! I am all for spanking, but sometimes when you spank a two year old (ie my daughter) it backfires, makes her cry harder, longer. so sometimes spanking isnt the answer. my daughter listens extremely well for 2 but sitting down in a seat, she starts to freak out, feel confined. the newness of flying alone stressed her out. My daughter cried for almost an hour before she passed out and fell asleep on her first plane ride. its terrifying for them and you cant explain to them at their age WHY they have to sit for hours
ReaBall- We will have to check our carseat with the baggage, not gate side. We have 2 cats, our son and our carry ons. Our carseat will be with us at baggage claim, in a secure bag. I PCS'd over here with an infant and gate checked the stroller and carseat, and upon arrival we were told our stroller was "not found", we waited 30 minutes at the gate for our stroller!!
So no, I am not saying I would travel without a carseat, I am saying I am not going through the airport carrying unnecessary weight.
N-‎./' <- haha my 2 year decided to chip in lol
J- Hahahhahah ^^ that's awesome
Z- we got a handtruck (same one they have at the bx) folds up and hooked up the car seat to it w/ the harness straps (wasn't paying those prices for the travelmate). We strapped our 3 1/2 yr old in and he rode through the airports like a stroller--he loved it~
(the one and only!)K- Psh I flew with my 18 year old alone and she was an angel. Sat in her seat silently, didn't budge, and at one point had tea with the captain. Then I woke up and she was rubbing the man next to us on the arm and trying to wiggle under the seats for a game of hide and seek.
N- oh, and another thing. if its right before take off and you have to stay seated, you cant take your child to the bathroom for a smack on the have to do it right there in front of everyone and god forbid someone sees that and reports you!
H- You don't get an excuse when you are traveling with kids. They are your kids, you knew the trip was coming, and you should have been prepared. Take the damn car seat - your two year old can't be in a car without it, so why is a plane any different? People traveling with kids think they are somehow entitled to special treatment. I have to put up with it on the ground, screaming kids at the BX, Commissary, restuarants - I will not put up with it when LIVES are at risk and when I PAID to be on the flight just as much as you did and MY kid isn't being an ass.
E- Ok..someone explain to me why some can't bring a carseat? Some have said this and I am not understanding why..... I am sure no airline is going to deny someone flying with a carseat for a little one...if that is the case then they more than likely have to have the child sit on the parents lap.
H- I cannot believe that the airline, on the other hand, removed this family. There had to be an alternative to just leaving the family stranded. Kids have bad moments, but surely the child wouldn't have been that way the entire trip. I would have rescheduled the family for later in the day, given everyone a chance to relax.
ReaBall- I remove my kid when he starts acting out in public...but where would you like me to take him to on a plane? He gets overstimulated and we're only now starting to realize there may be more to it than him being 3.
Z- ‎(E), it's not they can't, they don't want to lug it.
E- Ok thats what I was thinking...LOL ;-) (**"LOL" my fucking ass you snotty bitch! So later on this same CUNT...yep I said it, says no one was personally attacking MY parenting, well yeah bitch actually 2 of you were, because I came out and said I will not be using my son's carseat on the plane and you both seemed to think it's out of laziness. When actually, you holier than thou lumberyard ass packed bitches, it's because I want to be able to walk and breath, not ride around the airport like some self-entitled, pretentious bag of fluff! Not to mention, Nixon won't "ride" in a stroller at 3.5. Why?? Because he has legs and enjoys using them!)
N- i am in no way supporting bad behavior! but children do have bad days, esp if its their first time flying. it scares them and they dont understand, which is bad combo.
CA- we traveled with my 2.5 year old here and she was amazing but when she was my son age yeah she cried and got upset... My son is lap baby.. so i know i be in for it... i am not to worried about my 4 year old she knows right and wrong... i am more nervous with my son. he loves to walk
H- I think the outrage here is not rescheduling the family.
CA- yes think they should of
Le- wow pretty harsh calling a 2 yr old a brat.... when i can here we had to put my 2 yr old car seat with the luggage as well like ReaBall, bc we were traveling with my 3 month old baby girl too and we had 4 carry ons, so i agree having the car seat was to much for us. now my kid behaved so well to for being their first time on the airplane, but from Tokyo to here, he was so freaking tired that he got winning and motion sickness too, but thanks goodness i had good flight attended helping me out, but there were some passenger giving us duty looks like a had a controlled over his motion sickness. there is some stuff that u can control over a 2 yr old, but being strap to an airplane where even adults get tired is not one of them, pros for the ones that can control their kids 100% at all times, as for the ones like myself that can't do that @ all times well, let us just PRAY that when we had to fly out again, God give my little girl and us the wisdom to deal with the situation and not get thrown out like those parents.
Z- this was a short flight, the parents scheduled it, so they knew if they had chosen nap time etc. there's a difference w/ a cranky kid on a 24hr trip than a 1-2 hr. and that kid couldn't even get settled to get the plane in the air. the oompa loompa song keeps going through my head..."who do you blame if your kid is a brat...the mother and the father..." :-)
ReaBall ‎"trying to fly back to Boston from a vacation in Turks and Caicos"
I suppose it's open to interpretation, but most people schedule flights all in one time frame, especially short ones after the longest leg of the trip are over.
Ks- Kinda thinking that the frame of mind that some parents have is why families get kicked off this island. Bad behavior is not a "phase". A child of two, three, four and five that gets away with tantrums turns into teens that mouth off and do as they please cause Mama and Daddy will excuse their behavior. Example: People speed cause they've gotten away with it either by not being caught or just getting warnings. Only a severe ticket will have them re-think breaking the law. If your child just gets warnings and excuses, they will never learn.
Z-it's official...sometimes parenting sucks. under 2 can be on your lap, so could they not hold the child? you don't lay an infant on the floor for take it would be safe to say this kid was inconsolable and the flight attendants and captain made the right choice--thinking of all the other people on the plane. It says they turned around which means they were probably on taxi would you all feel if you missed your connection flight b/c the plane was turned around due to a fussy kid? Of course the airlines charged them. It wasn't their fault.
Ks- That being said...they should have allowed the family to re-book once their child had calmed down.
ReaBall Wow....I bow to all you parents of superior parenting skills, whose children are so perfect they have no tantrums and mindlessly obey you all the time. Do you have books or offer classes so that we flawed parents might correct our wild and out-of-control children before it's too late for them to be allowed out in public or before they ruin your perfect children with their wild ways?!?!?
H- Ok - no reason to get offended since it wasn't any of OUR kids that got kicked off the plane.
R- We don't know if this was a special needs child he is only 2 and perhaps he hasn't been diagnosed, just because they look perfectly fine on the outside that doesn't mean that there isn't anything wrong with the kid . I try not to judge other's people parenting skills specially those that I don't even know because you never know if that is going to be you one day, getting kick off a plane because your kid is having an off day and you can't figure out right away was causing the fear or the behavior .
CC- Once my younger at the time around 23 months, scream like for 15 minutes on the plane, because I told her she could not have a soda, a old lady told to just give to hear so she would shut up... that was the best advice I ever got...
ReaBall ‎"What happens in the air stays in the air"'s the kids Vegas :)
H- The problem here us not the kid or patenting but the airline!
Ks- For anyone interested... To train up a child by Michael and debi pearl is a great book.
Z- you can't control EVERYTHING but none of us were on that plane and people are bashing the airlines. they had to consider ALL passengers. when coming here we put the kid in the car seat and our carry-ons were filled w/ books, crayons, dvds, juice boxes, snacks.
E- I dont know who was judging others parenting skills in was more or less the fact that people are sticking up for the parents of the screaming and kicking kid, rather than thinking that the flight attendant and pilot made the decision for the safety of the child....everyone is looking at the fact that they did it because the child was a brat or the parents couldn't control thier child, when if fact this is not the case. It was for the childs safety as well as everyone else on the planes safety. YES they were WRONG in every way for not rebooking them a flight and who knows maybe they will reimburse the people for flight...we will probably never know...the only fact that needs to be truely looked at is that they done what they done for the safety of the child and the other passengers onboard. ENd of story.
ReaBall Can we PLEASE stop calling this girl a "brat"???
It's disgusting that parents are referring to any child who is behaving like a child as a "brat"
E- Seriously??? I was referring back to all the other comments made on this act like YOU were the one on the plane that got kicked off ReaBall. Geesh. No one is criticising YOUR parenting skills.
ReaBall I still feel it's unnecessary to call a child a "brat" based on a blurb like this. Or really any child you see acting up in passing. It's a form of bullying and it's cruel. Would you walk by a child acting up and call him/her an "asshole"? It's a frame of mind, so feel free to have your opinions while I'll have mine :)
S- When we Pcsd her i had to fly here alone with my 7 month old. who was Surprislingly really good except for the usual times, feeding,t ake off landing.. and the lady behind me was so horrible about it.. "OMG that kid is crying AGAIN" and other comments then when we landed in Yakota she said "i hope that baby isnt going to okinawa" "OMG get me off this plane with these kids" (not talking about all the kids) i got off the plane went into the bathroom adn broke into tears, the other moms cleaning there kids asked what was wrong and who she was when i told them, I pointed her out and next thing i knew all the kids where playing over by where she was sitting... My son now LOVES planes and flying but DOES NOT like putting his seat belt on.. that is now when he crys and throws a fit.. it is hard to travel with kids...
CA- my 4 year old knows right and wrong but that doesnt mean she doesnt have fits in public... you cannot always control what happens. you never know what happens. if you can control your child where he or she is perfect all the time then more power to you. but i know all the kids i have seen and friends with non of them listen all the time. they are kids.
E- I think everyone is missing the whole point in general here. The airline did what they did for the safety of the child.....end of story. It has NOTHING to do with the fact of how one parents or anything along those lines. I am sure there are bits and peices that the article did not cover that cause us to not know the "entire" situation and why the parents and child were removed from the plane. Kids fly on planes every day and the airlines deal with all kinds of kids...including those that are afraid to fly and throw fits and cry, ect. I am sure there was more than just the child throwing a simple fit that caused the airline to turn around and remove the family....Just saying.
Z- no they aren't always perfect. but if you leave the movie theater, do you expect them to refund your tickets bc your kid is cranky? why should the airlines be any different?
(**If I leave by choice, no I don't expect to be refunded. I've done this twice with Nixon. However, if I'm asked to leave you bet your sweet ass I'm expecting a refund or at the very least coupons for another movie at a later date**)

CA- then they should of kicked the drunk guy off the plane that was sitting behind me for bad behavior... once again nobody is going to be right WE each think and have our own opinion. i am not right to some and i believe some of you aren't right..
   It continued for quite a bit after that, but the fact that grown women who HAVE children, were referring to a 2-year old as a "brat" repeatedly, made me sick! Why? Because as recently as last night, I've decided that word is offensive and cruel to young children. Kids get tired/cranky/antsy and sometimes parents don't know why. There are situations you just can't control. As a parent I do my fucking best, but Nixon still has bad days, but to tell me he's a brat is a slap in my face and his. It's a negative label. As a person who has had many a negative label tagged onto her, one is too many and even the most commonly used one can leave a lasting impression! 
   Children have plenty of time to wear labels, why tag them before they've even really developed a personality of their own? Being 2 and tired on a plane does not equal being a brat! Just like Nixon, being 3 and yelling as I remove him from a store (for yelling) when he's told no, is not being a brat! He's voicing his unhappiness in one of the only ways he knows how right now. And as a parent, I'm removing him from the situation, maybe not quietly enough for some people around us, but I'm not ignoring him and letting him continue to cause a disturbance. 
   Why are parents the biggest assholes to other parents and kids? K brought up a good point, to me in conversation. She said something about spanking, since some mothers felt that was the answer to this 2-year old's issue: how on earth is spanking a child who already doesn't want to sit down, going to MAKE her sit down any easier? Wouldn't that be counterproductive? In my opinion (and I admit I'm very anti-spanking), it would be. What child would want to sit on a sore behind if they didn't want to sit on a perfectly sound one??

   Look, people have their own battles. Some are fighting for gay marriage equality, and I support that. Some are fighting for better health care coverage and preventative health measures, and I understand and support those efforts too. I'm fighting to stop the negative labeling of children for simply being a child. Kids ages 2-4 go through so much changes on so many levels in such a short period of time, its no wonder they get overwhelmed and act out sometimes. But if they hear from adults, any adult, that they are being a "brat" they start to internalize that before they even understand what it means. It's like that one guy we all know, who just LOVES living up to the "asshole" label. Except this is a child who doesn't need a label. Just some patience and understanding. 
    So please, don't let me hear you call any child a "brat", okay?? I never realized it was a hot button issue of mine, until last night. But it really is!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Rock, Paper, Scissors according to Nixon **UPDATE**

   I'm nothing if not a well-prepared mother. My sole goal as a parent is to be ahead of the curve in awkward conversations (the sex talk), teaching Nixon the finer points of sarcasm (I'm sure he's getting it down. The other day his reply to something I'd said was "Uh, helllooooo?" complete with hands on hips and snotty teenage face.) and finally helping guide Nixon to a successful grasp of such potentially life-altering games as "rock/paper/scissor" (which has been my latest game of choice for us). Now, I can say he's not 100% sure of the rules of the game, or how to play, but kid's got the hand signals and names down pat! 

This morning, Nixon came into our bed a little after 9am. (WHY does he always pull this sleeping in late stuff when Mac is home with us? Why can't he ever give me a free pass and sleep in when it's just me and him for the day?!?!? Why am I asking *you*, I should be asking him, but since he can't read and usually every answer for any question I ask him is "no" or "What da hewl (hell in Nixonese), mommy?" I'm better off letting it go. Nixon brought BeBe, his much loved and lately abused teddy bear, and was very loving. Gave us hugs and kisses, asked me to snuggle with him (Well DUH! Of course I let him!) and was only a little goofy. 

He started doing Rock/Paper/Scissors with us, then said BeBe wanted to play. This is how it played out (more or less, I hadn't had coffee yet, so it might be a bit fuzzy)
me: Honey, BeBe can't play R/P/S
Nixon: yes he can. 
me: Okay Bebe....rock ( I make my fist)
Nixon: (holding BeBe's arm is straight out) See rock.
me: Paper (as I lay my hand flat out. I should mention BeBe has no fingers. He's a bear with only round paws on a slightly bent arm)
Nixon: Paper (pushed BeBe arm down "flat" in front of him)
Mac: How's he gonna do scissors?
me: I'm not sure, it's not like he's got fingers. 
Mac: Okay buddy, scissors (and thrown up two fingers)
Nixon: (takes BeBe and moves his arm so it is above him, kind of next to his head) Skissors for BeBe!
Mac and I: amazement and laughter at the same time. 
Nixon did all BeBe's positions again and called each one the same thing as before. 
Me: Did our kid just play R/P/S with his teddy bear who has no fingers or real hands?
Mac: Looks that way.
Me: Nixon, you're kind of really awesome. You know that right?
Nixon: (notices Mac and I are hugging at this point) NO HUGGIN' guys! 
* he comes over to break us up, but instead we have a full family hug with Nixon in the middle!

Mac wanted to teach Nixon "lizard and spock", but Nixon told Mac "No Lizard". That ended that real fast! 

**UPDATE** I can't believe I forgot this!! Nixon invented his own symbol/hand gesture for the game. He throws his hand out flat, like paper, but then arches his fingers upwards and says "Airplane!" How awesome is that?!?! I'm pretty sure airplane beats paper, scissors and possibly rock (if its a small rock) haha
Yeah, my kid is kind of way cool like that!

In other news...can anyone tell me why my cat was taking up more of the bed than I was and my husband was throwing elbows and knees in his sleep on me, like I was a practice dummy?? Arwen has slept in my bed for as long as I've had her. Lately she sleeps the long way from the edge of my side of the bed (so where as Mac and I sleep vertically on the mattress, Arwen sleeps horizontally on it, usually right by my head and torso area) , slowly stretching out longer and longer until I end up on Mac's side of the bed. Since he's on nights it's not a big deal...when he's not home. But on nights that he is home I get squeezed between my 10-pound but seemingly 4 foot long(!!) cat and my 6-foot husband, like last night when my cat had more bed than I did. 
And yes I know common sense would say "kick the cat out", however common sense has never met my cat. I kick her out, she comes back. I push her off the bed, she comes back then she cries and mews IN MY FACE until I roll away from her and she steals her spot back on the bed. We can't lock her out of the bedroom, because she'd just terrorize poor Amber out of spite, plus her food/water and litter box are there. The food and water is to keep Amber, aka FATTY, from eating both food dishes of food while Arwen gets none. 

This morning with the 5 of us on the same bed, I told Mac we needed a bigger bed. He quickly said "Good luck with that", followed by "or we could just stop letting everyone in our bed"....
I stand by my claim: we need a bigger bed! LOL

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Dear Old Guy at the bank today,

  Thank you for your parenting advice today. Clearly I needed it. It was obvious, as I was correcting my child and not letting him run around the bank willy nilly, that I was having issues with him. And when I excused myself from the line, to take my son to the bathroom (when he politely called over to me "Um, excuse me mommy, I have to go potty"), your eye rolling was unnecessary, yeah fuckface I saw that!
  When it became obvious that Nixon was not going to sit down/stand quietly next to me or stop screeching at the top of his lungs, did I not leave the bank fast enough for your old ass? I gave my son 2 chances to stop, got down to his level and spoke quietly so I know even if your Miracle Ear 5000 was turned all the way up to "Easedropping MotherFucker" level you wouldn't have heard a harsh word come out of my mouth towards my son. Because THAT is how I parent MY child! 
   So when I heard you tell another patron "You know if she'd just beat that kid's ass he'd learn how to behave right quick" the only person whose ass I wanted to beat was your old ass! It may have been acceptable when you were "raising" kids to "beat that ass", but studies have shown its not that great. Want more proof? Take a look at families these days? How many fucked up families do you know? Actually no, scratch that, how many normal families do you know?? By normal I mean: no issues, no family members cut-off from each other, no family feuds, no life long resentment issues between parents and kids for shit that happened as kids, and how many good relationships do you know between parents and kids? I gotta say, in my own, hold on I'm counting.....still counting,......okay going to extended family now.......Yeah, um, I give up cause I'm not all about airing my families laundry. My own, I don't mind so much, but extended family that's another story. The point is, I'm not saying its because these people were spanked, but let's not go telling ME to "beat that ass", in regards to my child, when I've been spanked and I know it doesn't work on all kids. 
   So, while I understand, dear crotchety senior of the earth, that my 3-year old's yelling was disturbing to you, please give me my due respect as a parent for removing him from the situation rather than forcing everyone to continue to deal with him, minus the dickish comment about hitting my child to teach him to behave. I wouldn't even train an animal to do something by hitting it, why would I do the same to someone I gave birth to?? I left the bank, with my little "hellion" in tow, leaving you with the peace and quiet I'm to understand old people with one foot in the grave have come to expect the rest of the world to give them. 

A sincerest and deepest fuck you, SIR, 
a mother who is trying her best not to slap the shit out of all the people who like to give parenting advice from 10 feet away, under their breath, and to the back of my head. 

   Yes, Nixon acted out. I gave him chance to correct himself, he continued to be disruptive, we left. I parented MY way. It makes me sick when I've seen parents wail a kid's ass in public before but it's their choice and as long as it's not abusive I don't get involved. Not my kid. So why do people feel the need to comment on MY hands-off parenting?? Fucking old guy!!

   We went home, Nixon went in his bedroom for 20 minutes, Mac was awake (unrelated to Nixon's screaming shockingly enough), Mac explained to Nixon why he was in his room while I took Mac's uniform to the cleaners. He got out and we carried on our day. The only screeching he did was a little when it came naptime and the usual at bedtime. I may not know what the HELL I'm doing all the time, but I do know, I'm way past the age of caving to peer pressure. I resisted doing pot in high school so I'm figuring I can resist spanking my kid in my 30's.