Friday, December 30, 2011

Little Update on the name drama llama

Seems that my blog has a wee bit of a following. And that following is not the warm and fuzzy we-wanna-be-your-friend kind, either. No, my following is more the pretty and popular girls in high school who traveled in packs down the halls and terrorized anyone who didn't worship them or join their freakishly close bitch-cult. Oh, and my following never says hi or even spreads word of my blog. 
Thanks for reading, bitches!

How do I know I have a following of cunty drama llamas?? Simple, Mac my loving and supportive husband, who was at work today had a short discussion about one of my blogs with a woman who has "heard" about it (but never read it).

It seems, she's the wife of the person mentioned in the name rant blog of mine.  I did hear who it was correctly, and apparently my blog rant made its way back to her and she saw Mac, so she wanted to "clear the air", but there's a small problem. She never actually read my blog. She "heard about it" from someone, and just wanted ME to know that they chose Nixon because she collects Nixon brand watches, not for the President and not after our son. 

Now, if she had read my blog she'd had seen that was precisely my point in the first place. (Well, that and her husband needs to learn how to tell the story about their baby name a little better in the future, cause he straight up dropped the fucking ball hardcore on this one) Every, single couple I have EVER met has some kind of story behind WHY they chose the baby name they did. The vague and non-responsive answer he first gave was bullshit, compared to the wife's story. 

So for the secret readers spreading word of mouth about my blog.....thanks for reading!! I know you're there *heeheehee*

FUCK...................I need to get off this fucking rock, I'm going island batshit crazy, now. 

Is it May yet????

Friday, December 23, 2011

It's time for a little Holiday..... weird???

Meet, our christmas tree! It's small, less than 2.5 feet tall. It's white, plastic and pre-lit. It's pretty damned cute little thing, ain't it??? The snowflakes are also plastic and fake. It didn't take much convincing to get Mac to agree to having a tree this year. I found one I liked in a sales ad, I mentioned to him, he said "It's your money" and I took my money and bought the tree. Then I bought the ornaments, snowflakes and let Nixon choose the bird as the tree topper. He choose the teal peacock instead of the green peacock, a lovely choice!

Being on Okinawa means a lot of fake trees to be had and very few real ones. Which, is actually okay with me, because it turns out. I have issues with real christmas trees. Who saw that one coming?!?!? Not me, until I really thought about it. Well, not really thought about it, I grazed on the thought and come up without enough material for this blog. 

See, to me, cutting down a tree is killing it. Because, well, you are ACTUALLY killing it! You can't replant it after the holidays and have it reroot to use again next year. You could cut it and use it as kindling, if you have a fireplace, but the fact remains, a living thing was killed for your viewing pleasure. Either way you look at it (arborcide or arborcualst), a bunch of trees are killed  in about a month's time period, just to fill up peoples house with green beauty.

It's like going to a pet store (or pound), picking out a puppy/kitten/turtle/hamster and then putting a bullet between the chosen pet's eyes shortly after you get it home! Nope, I'm wrong, you'd have to pay for it, and then blow it's fluffy little brains out before leaving the store. Okay, so it's a slightly extreme comparison, but its essentially the same thing, in my eyes. But actually, you'd have to get a fully grown pet, because these ain't no baby trees being chopped down. These be teenagers in some cases. Teenagers?? Well, okay some of the punk bastard trees really had it coming, it was the only way to send a message and scare the others straight! 

Now before people start hating me (all 15 followers I have!!), I get why people have live trees. I don't pour blue paint on them, when I see a live tree in a house, and yell "Fir is Murder!" (although that'd be hilarious!!). I'm very live and let live on the whole thing, it's the holidays you do you're thing I'll do mine. Mine consists of a plastic tree, pre-lit preferably, and yours might involve going to a tree farm a choosing a tree to kill before carting the carcass home and hoisting it up in your living room. Who cares, we both tart the trees up the same class-ass way (lights, ornaments and other prettiness), right?!?! 

So happy fucking holidays!! Enjoy them with your loved ones. Be good, Santa's watching you (does he watch you in the shower too...aren't there laws against that. Fucking old fat Perv!!). 

Speaking of Santa, here's Nixon with the ole fatass!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Okay now.....why do I HAVE to be this person??? (it's a rant!!)

So, I don't HAVE to be the person I'm about to be, but I feel like I'm almost pushed against a wall and need to defend myself. Which, in reality is kind of silly because it's not a life or death thing and it really could be a compliment of sorts, if it wasn't such a total asswipe insult move to myself and my family. 
Confused? I should explain a little then and catch you all up.

I went to see Breaking Dawn, Part 1 today with one of the girl's Mac works with. She's gotta be one of the coolest new people the Navy has sent here AND she hasn't been sucked into the "Dark Side" (aka all the bitches that be hating on Mac and I for no other reason than we live our lives open and unapologetic for our pasts before marriage and parenthood), plus she's SO Team Jacob! A HUGE plus in my book! (Suck it and stop reading now if that annoyed you!)

While we're waiting for the movie to start, she mentioned that a guy she and Mac work with, wants to name his son Nixon, but then acted like he didn't know MY son (okay OUR son) is named Nixon when she mentioned it to him after to told her this. Now, for the record, I'm pretty sure I got the name of the guy she said right and if I did.....HE TOTALLY FUCKING LIED!!  He's gone to dinner with us before and has met OUR son NIXON!!! It's not like Nixon is the most popular name in the planet, right now. Or ever for that matter. It's not even a name most people admit to liking it now, they like it cause they like my son and don't want their asses kicked for saying otherwise! You work with my husband, have met my son and yet play dumb about where you've heard the name before?!?!? You fucking sonuvabeech!!

Now, I'm not opposed to someone else using the name Nixon. I don't have dibs on it, obviously. But for fucksake, when there's 2 degrees of separation between MY Nixon and this guy, don't play fucking dumb and act like it just came to you out of the goddamned sky one day! It came to you, over dinner, in the form of a most adorable brown eyed rambunctious little boy NAMED Nixon! Just fucking admit it! You're not fucking original!! Hell, I'm not even original with naming him Nixon. Mac made fun of one of my tattoos and said he saw Richard Nixon in it, which led to a tie breaker being asked to "Nixon", aka my tattoo, which resulted in during another long name vetoing session by Mac, me finally saying "What about Nixon?" as a joke, which eventually stopped being a joke, became our son's name and that's the story of how Nixon got his name. 
What's your baby name story BITCH?!?!? Because every couple has a story of how they named their children. Some are better than others. Like mine is better than "oh, I just liked the name and don't know where I'd heard it before".

For fucking fucksake he could have at least said "I heard some saying it at the Base Mall one day and it really stuck with me" and I'd have believed that story more. Because we have called Nixon's name loudly more than once at the base mall......not because there is more than one Nixon on Okinawa.

The moral of the story:If you plan on stealing a name of someone you know, come up with a good story. Or at least wait until we leave the island to start telling people you plan on using that name!! 

Silly fuckers, leave the petty, immature games to the professionals. This here's the big league and I'll call you're bullshit! 
Had dinner with my family, works with my husband but didn't know my husband's son's name was Nixon! Rookie mistake, son, rookie mistake. 

Sunday, December 11, 2011

This blog is an exercise in tact and not telling people to fuck off

I'm not the most tactful person in the world. I am, however, usually very blunt and to the point. Unfortunately, I can't exactly be myself in this blog due to the nature of the material I'm going to be writing about. It's a local story here in Okinawa turned international story with a less than desirable "outcome". 

I'm just going to add the links to the news stories about the disappearance and the most recent interview given by her husband (who is in the Air Force and until this interview had not addressed the public about his wife's disappearance....I'll get to that too). 

One of the first articles published. It was picked up by a multiple news sites and it includes the video that the missing woman's mother made here in Okinawa, as a public plea for information about her daughter's whereabouts. 

CNN picked up the story writing another brief story almost identical to all the others based on the first story above. Like the story above these were both written from the friends and family of the missing woman's point of view, still no details released from the military, Japanese authorities or her husband.

Then he broke his silence  and suddenly everyone had an opinion and felt like they'd been lied to this whole time! But here's the was only new to the public! The investigators knew all these facts the entire time. Tragic as it sounds, heartless as it is to accept, suicide, may just be the only explanation her friends and family ever get. **He would need to get everything he released to the press, cleared by Air Force Public Affairs and possibly Japanese authorities as well since they were also doing their own investigation. Since this was (and is) an open case he can't discuss details to the public without first having the all clear from these different departments. So while many people thought he was being silent and therefore must be hiding something, the reality is, as a military service member and a person involved in an open case like this, he actually COULD NOT discuss it. His mother-in-law, however, is a civilian and was therefore not restricted like he was.** 

And here is where I have to tread with something other than my usual just-tell-it-like-it-is manner.

The people who seemed to have the hardest time believing this, from reading the comments on the facebook support page  created by her mother during her stay here on Okinawa, are friends and family from back in the states. They're people who, most likely, haven't seen her in a couple years, only interact with her through the Internet and remember her from days gone by. 

Here's the cold hard facts about Okinawa, as I know personally from living here for over 2 1/2 can break even the strongest person! I should know, it made me someone I barely recognized until it was almost too late. See, the thing is, and everyone will tell you "but there's support there you just have to ask" or "you're not alone there's always other wives in your husband's command that will help you", it's all bullshit! In my husband's command alone, the wives are either young and catty with their own cliques and bullshit like that pretending they are all grown up when in reality they are just as insecure now as they were in high school, which was just a couple years ago in most cases or they're working and have the companionship of friends at work. Most of Mac's work buddies are much younger, single or married with no kids and the ones who are his age are higher ranking and don't socialize with him (and therefore Nixon and myself) because it'd be "fraternization" which is just a really fancy way of saying "neener neener neener I'm better than you because I can make rank". Not all of them, but most of the people higher ranking than Mac all stick to themselves. 
So, my point is, trying to get support from the wives at your husband's command/unit/squadron, not always feasible. But if you're talking to family back home, are you going to tell them that the women are all a bunch of bitches?? NO (well I will, but I'm kind of stupid open honest like that)!!
From work you can try play groups if you have kids. I did, some times it was good and other times....well, did you read this blog?? The truth is, not everyone is cut out for large social gatherings with bunches of kids. But if you're talking to friends and family back home you'd never tell them that.
I actually did have a few friends, for a while, that I was close to. Then it all went to shit in a hand basket and I was so destroyed by it I had Mac on board to pay for me to make a trip home to the states to see my besties because we both were so concerned about my mental state at the time! Did anyone know about that?? My husband did, my 2 best friends in the states did......and that was pretty much it. Maybe a couple other people I'm closer than close to, but if you'd have asked my mother or grandmother or even my sister, none of them had a clue. Why? Because I never felt the need to tell them I was failing out here and hanging on by a thread. What could they possibly do to help me? What could anyone do really? My besties, well they'd skype with me anytime I needed them (and if they needed me I was there for them...what time difference) to make me smile, listen to me cry and long may we rage! 
But, if I'd gone in a darker direction, would everyone back home have blamed Mac? Would they accuse him like people are accusing this airman? Would my last words not have been "real enough"?  I ask because for 10 seconds I thought about driving away, one night when it was really bad, when I'd screamed and made Nixon cry and saw his eyes have real fear for me, his mom the love of his life, I saw what I'd felt for my dad all those years...I saw what I swore I'd never become looking at me. I left the house and went to sit on the back porch, my usual retreat, for a few minutes and cry while Mac calmed Nixon down. In those minutes, I thought of taking the car and just getting lost, it was dark it'd be easy. I remember thinking I just need to wait for Nixon to go to sleep, so I can tell him I love him. I'll say good night to Mac and then take the keys. 
But I didn't. 
Because I couldn't leave Mac with Nixon and no car. THAT was my reason. That was my turnaround point. But not everyone has that. I also didn't have a rocky marriage. We don't argue much, he helps me at home (he's even learning how to cook!), we are done making babies and agreed on that together, I also knew when it was time to get help and understood that help meant medication for a while. I'm not silly enough to think that because I feel better I can go off the meds, which sadly a lot of people do. I'm not too proud to admit when the meds weren't working and asked to try a different dose. 

What I'm trying to say is: Okinawa is a monster to the spouses here. Mac's command will tell him to schedule appointments and shit for his days off, then take his days off for stuff like range days/training/meetings and other shit, with sometimes a week or more notice and sometimes less than 12 hours notice. It's hell on a marriage, it's hell on a family and its hell on a wife who has little to no support system to speak of. I'm lucky now, I have K to turn to and she has me and believe me we do turn to each other a LOT since our husbands commands (even though they're different branches) like to assfuck them when ever they can! But before K and I had each other, before I was on the meds I'm on now, before the night of realization that I'm not okay...I could've been the missing woman. Okinawa almost got the best of me, like it's gotten to many people before her, before me. You're on an island, for 3-4 sometimes 6 years, its expensive to go to the states or have family come to you, some people manage other people don't. The catty bullshit, the cliques, the petty shit that goes on, the crap about local nationals vs dependents, some local nationals love the Americans here others hate us, it all really gets to you. Add in the stress of dealing with infants/toddler tantrums/PMS/pregnancy with a bazillion other women on this island and you might begin to understand why a woman might have finally just reached the end of her rope, grabbed her keys, left her children asleep in bed and drove disappear.

It's a tragedy. It's 2 kids never seeing their mother again. It's a family never being able to say goodbye. It's a husband knowing the argument they had were the last words he said to his wife. It's a community stunned. It's friends wondering if they could've helped and family wishing she'd been home with them instead of in Okinawa, Japan. It's paradise losing it's sparkle.

It's realizing: you never really know your neighbors and even the most beautiful, perfect looking family can hide secrets that will shatter lives forever.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

I was "lestered"

Lester: (n) Lester Naval Hospital, located on Okinawa Japan providing health care to military service members and their dependents while stationed throughout bases around Okinawa.

Lestered: the act of getting treated at Lester Naval Hospital and getting no real answers and vague details as to the issue which should be addressed in the opinion of the doctor.

Confused? You've been lestered!

So talk about your cryptic answers....Nixon had his 3 year check up today with the doctor (no shots YAY!), he's 40 inches tall, 33 lbs and like his mommy has a lower than normal body temp.
Doctor mentions his speech "normally I can understand about 75% what of most 3-year old say"
I say "So should we look into speech therapy? Because he has good days and bad days, but he does also speak random gibberish for no reason"
Doctor's reply? "Well....if he has good days and bad days, and you are leaving in just a few months, it might not be worth the effort to set everything up for the evaluation."

What.The.Fudge just happened?!?!?
Oh yeah.....I was just Lestered!
(my facebook status the afternoon after our doctor's appointment......)

Tuesday morning (disgustingly early by the way....) was Nixon's 3-year old well child visit. At first all was well: he happily stood on the scale to get his weight, he even stood against the wall for his height with no fight and then he had to sit down to get his blood pressure taken. This was the first time its ever happened and Nixon FREAKED out! It got worse when his temp was taken, by the end of that "fun" Nixon was a crying, snot-dripping, shivering mess of a kid. 
And the doctor hadn't even seen him yet.....
Mac and I get Nixon calmed down while in the waiting room and within moments are called to the exam room, to wait for the doctor. Nixon gets into the new room and does his usual sweep of the room, which is actually him running around it as fast as he can and bumping/banging a wall or two. Yay...
Mac focused on keeping Nixon occupied while I spoke to the doctor and answered her questions about Nixon and tried to get Nixon to answer her questions. 
(example of how this went...
Dr: "can you tell me your name? (to Nixon)
Nixon: "My name mommy (because he plays this game at home a lot)
Mac: "No, what's your real name?
Nixon: "My name...Daddy?"
Dr: "he might need to work on that"
Nevermind the fact that Nixon walks around the house and whenever he does something even remotely "naughty" he says "Nixon Mathieu" in the same tone I do.....)

So, then the doctor has to check Nixon's ears....the worst part of every visit for Nixon! He of course get back to the snotty, blubbery, shivering mess he was when his vitals were being taken. 

She tells me, his growth is fine, weight is good but she can barely understand what he says and normally she should be able to understand 75% of what a 3-year old is saying. I ask if we should look into speech therapy and mention we will be leaving Okinawa (tentatively) in May. I also say "he is really upset because of the blood pressure cuff and getting his ears checked. He does speak gibberish sometimes but other times he's very articulate." (I'm not against speech therapy but I want to make sure Nixon's being judged fairly, a 10 minute appointment by a doctor we've never seen before isn't fairly in my opinion.) 
She tells me "Speech therapy is done through the school system here. You'd need a letter from the doctor to even get him evaluated, then get him evaluated and they'll give you a plan of action from there. But it's a long wait and if you're just leaving soon it might not even be worth the effort, you might want to wait till you get to the next station and start there. Is he in daycare or home with you?" 
So we left with no answer of exactly how much she COULD understand of what Nixon said, I was told ALL parents understand more of what their kids say than strangers do (especially parents who are home with them all the time) and I felt like I'm severally failing Nixon somehow.

I was Lestered!

I'm working on Nixon's annunciation and asking him to use words if he knows them. The problem is: he's full-on Mr. Do-Everything-Myself these days and if he doesn't get his way he's not exactly in a work-through-it state of mind. I'm doing the best I can!!! 

So, thank you Lester Doctor who saw my son for about 15 minutes and determined he doesn't speak clearly the way: did you happen to hear him thank the lady taking his vitals for the Diego stickers??? In Japanese???? Sniffling back tears and all he still said "arigato", my precious baby boy! Thank you for making me feel like a failure as a mom just by reading answers off a paper that I had less than 10 minutes to answer. 

But most of all...thank you for making sure I didn't leave this island without the full "lestered" experience.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

My pearls of wisdom never cease to impress me!

"Nixon, don't be this fan"

That's how my simple little nugget of sports fan wisdom conversation started with Nixon. It's no secret, this NFL season is rough in the Wilcox-Ball household. The Eagles (aka The Dream Team that isn't a dream so much as a payroll nightmare when you look at their record) are sucking really bad and the Dolphins are even worse, shocking but true! In fact, the only winner in the house is Mac's fantasy team...and I'm still convinced that the league we're in together is fixed by the commissioner who's a cheating piece of shit!

But I digress.

As I was saying, I watched the video clip in the link above and saw a kid mad at Tom Brady for the Patriots beating the Eagles. First, it's not the Patriots fault that they won...well it is, but not if you're an Eagles fan. As an Eagles fan, I have accepted this season for the wash it's become. I cherish the wins we've had but....yeah this season sucks. Still I wear my tees and hoodie because winning or not I'm still an Eagles fan.

But never would I cry because the other team beat us...unless it's the Super Bowl, it was a close game with refs making bad calls against the Eagles (which has happened, just ask Micheal Vick), costing vital yardage losses then I'd cry, because it's better than breaking my/our TV!

Then I give credit, the kid's still young and hasn't really grasped who you really blame when you're team is losing. The team themselves. For now he thinks Tom Brady is a bully for not "letting" the Eagles win.

That's where he and I differ.
As I told Nixon: "It's okay to get upset when your team is losing. But you don't blame the team who beat them. You blame your team for not playing better."
Nixon: "yeah!"
Me: "Unless it's those damn dirty Cowboys, then you can blame them.*"
* this got a chuckle from Mac, who once again was in awe of my parenting pearls of wisdom! What can I say, these gems just come to me. They just flow right out of my mouth faster than I can think and quicker than I can stop them even if I wanted too.