Friday, March 8, 2013

He's my very own rage therapist.

   Holy shit, I love Nixon sometimes! I mean, don't get me wrong, I always love him but there are sometimes that I just positively adore him a little bit more. Today, in the car, was one of those times.
  Not too long ago, we had a talk about Nixon's perfect use of "fuck". A few weeks later we had a total  miscommunication and utter misunderstanding over "bridge" versus "bitch", resulting in profuse apologies by Mac and I to Nixon, but evidently resulting in a lasting impression on Nixon over the importance of not using swear words.

  Here's how it all happened:
*I'm driving on the highway, at about 65mph. The car in front of me hits the brakes as he sees cars in the on ramp that will be merging...eventually*
me: What the fuck are you doing, asshole? (I checked the left lane, signal and switch to get away from the old man driving)
Nixon: AHHH! Mommy, don't say that word!
me: I'm sorry Nixon, you are very right. I should not have said that word.
Nixon: Mommy, that is a naughty word. You should never say that word!
me: I know, you're right and I apologized.
*I drive a few more miles and then have another asshole drive stop in the middle of 2 turn lanes blocking both*
me: You are a goddamned moron!
Nixon: Mommy! That's another bad word!
me: Sorry, but he is a moron!
Nixon: Mommy, you need to just say "crap on a stick" instead.
me: I will next time.
Nixon: No! You say it now. Say "crap on a stick" mommy.
me: "Crap on a stick" Nixon. Happy?
Nixon: Yes. Now be nice and happy.

Apparently my days of unchecked road rage, with Nixon in the car, are over. Oh well, it was good while it lasted.


  1. I am not a mother, but I am a regular user of swear words. This gave me a good laugh! :) (PS, I found your blog by following the link from your comment on The Bloggess' latest post about giving away free signed copies. She's great, huh?)

    1. Thanks for reading! I love the Bloggess!
      I've been using swear words for a long time, and stopped when my son was too tiny to talk, then he started walking and throwing tantrums and the cussing returned.