Making sense of tragedy and learning from it

This photo is going around facebook.

It's of one teacher, who lost her life yesterday. She lied to the gunman (I'm intentionally not naming him, he deserves no acknowledgement of a personal manner) about where her students were. She saved their lives and lost her own. 
Her name is Victoria Soto and she is a hero!
And she was not alone in her act of heroism.

As I read the first story about Victoria Soto's act of heroism, I wanted to show Nixon a true hero. To him, in his 4-year old mind, heroes look like Iron Man, Captain America and Black Widow. They wear costumes, have cartoons and action figures of their likeness he can play with. 
Victoria Soto wore no costume, didn't star in a cartoon and will never have an action figure made of her. But she is a bigger hero than any imaginary character will ever be. 

I'm stealing my post from facebook...
 Just tried telling my 4-year old that this is what a hero looks like. Iron Man and Captain America may be what he thinks of when he hears "hero", but this woman IS a hero! I needed him to hear me say that to him.

Nixon may not have understood, but I did. He saw the tears in my eyes as I told him about her sacrifice. "This lady saved kids from a very, very bad man. And that bad man hurt her very badly, but those kids went home to their mommies and daddies because of her." Nixon said to me "She's a hero, like Black Widow? Like you, mommy?" (I was Black Widow for Halloween so he always tells me I'm Black Widow). My reply was simple "No, baby. Black Widow and mommy wish they were as brave as this lady was. She's a hero. Black Widow is imaginary, she's made up. But this beautiful lady is a real hero." Nixon said to me "Mommy, she's pretty like you." 
All I could do was hold him, stroke his head and say "She's beautiful, baby. She's very beautiful. Mommy will never be as pretty as this woman is."

Adults can barely make sense of this crime, how do you explain it to children? How do I tell my son I'm crying because my very soul aches for people I've never known and will never meet? Most of all, how do I reassure my son that everything is fine when it feels like there's no place safe enough for him anymore?

A moment of somberness

   It's a sad day, when less than 2 weeks before christmas families now have to plan funerals for their children instead of looking forward to their joy on christmas morning. The toys will go unopened, the stockings unfilled and the parents lives forever shattered by one (or two) evil person's actions.

   There is nothing that anyone can say to make this pain any less for those affected. No words of condolence  no amount of flowers laid, no rallying angry cries from the masses. Nothing can replace what was stolen from these families today. Today Connecticut was ground zero for another senseless act of violence and the victims were children. Real children. Little people who had only just begun to live their lives, now gone forever leaving behind a country (a civilized world) in disbelief and families who will never look forward to another December as long as they live. To them, December will always be a painful and heartbreaking month not one filled by a jolly fat man and good cheer. 

   Everyone learning the details of this horrific event is holding their children tighter, loving their families a little more and questioning how and why this happened in the first place. 

    Me? I'm numb. Numb from the realization that there really is no safe place for my child. The best thing I can do is not guide him to a life of fear, but instead help prepare him for a life of uncertainty and hope, just hope, it's enough to see him home to me everyday he's gone from my care. The world just became a little more scarier as a parent, but I refuse to let fear keep me and my family down!

   I'm not going to teach Nixon that all guns are bad. 
   I'm not going to raise him to think everyone with a gun is a bad person. His own father carries one at work, as do the police officers that I expect my son to turn to in case of trouble. I need him to trust that police officers are the good guys and they are there for him and his safety. (I realize this is not always the truth, but he needs to believe there are good people in the world)
   I am going to teach him what to do, in a worst of the worse case scenarios, if he hears gunfire. I'm going to teach him to stay as close to the ground as possible and take cover. 
   I am going to empower him with knowledge on how to stay safe in this crazy world his father and I brought him into. 
   I am going to love him like it's my last day with him. I'm going to save the harsh words and replace them with loving words. I'm going to smother him with hugs and kisses every chance I get. And I am going to tell him, every single day, that he is loved! Because I never want him to think he's not. I never want him to think he was bad and that's why something awful happened. 

    Evil people and evil deeds are a part of life. It's not necessarily a reflection on the people affect by said evil. 

   Let's stop focusing on the bad and evil things in the world and focus on the beautiful and loving things. Focus on your child's smile because you never know when it'll be stolen away. 

    Take a moment today and try to empower your kids somehow. Tell them what their good at, how much they mean to you or how amazing your life is all because of them! Stop breaking down kids. Broken kids are the kids who grow up to be broken and damaged adults. I should know, I am a broken and damaged adult. But my son, my life, helped me see that being damaged isn't a lifelong sentence. I can change and I have changed. I am not repeating my parents mistakes. Not every act of violence is the result of bad parenting, but who wants to take the chance that the one day you stopped saying "I love you" to your son or daughter, was the day they started hating the value of their own lives? Not me. 

  Be strong parents. Be brave, for your children. Be kind. Be loving. Most of all, be there for your children. Some people are just evil, I get that. But do what you can for society and raise a kind, caring, compassionate child into a strong, brave and resilient adult. Give the world the people it deserves, not the sociopaths it's got now. 

Look through these photos  and see what evil has done to this community. Cry, rage, question things but don't forget. Learn from today, and every senseless act of evil in the world. Don't blame all gun owners. Taking guns away from law abiding people won't prevent these things from happening. Demand schools do more to protect your child won't do anything to stop the crazies. Prepare your child yourself for the unknown and have faith that you've done your very best to ensure they are protected. 

   Cliche as it is: knowledge is power.