Thursday, May 5, 2011

social media and holidays

Technology and the internet have really made life easier as it improves. I'm in Japan and as long my internet connection is working and I can send an email, I can have a conversation with my family and friends back home. It's made being here a little easier at times.

Holidays and social network sites, like, are overwhelming at times. This month it's been Mother's Day since the beginning of the month. Of course, everyone wants to post a photo of them and their mom to show they love her. And then you have to copy and paste the same message of "i'm changing my profile picture to me and my mom because my mom is an amazing woman.....blah, blah, blah".

I switched it up. I posted a photo take moments after I gave birth to Nixon, thus becoming a mom.

My mom and I have a strained relationship at best. My childhood was far from the best and I have very few good memories of my mom being a mom. I don't ever remember her reading a bedtime story to me or my sister. I don't remember her kissing me good night or tucking me in a night.

I don't say this to make people feel sorry for me, but I can't help feel cheated in the parents part of life. I still send my mom a card but only because I'd feel guilty if I didn't, not because I want to. I happily send my grandmother, sister and mother-in-law a card though.

I wish I could say I've gotten over the past and moved on, which is mostly true, except for certain times of year. Like when my mother forgets my wedding anniversary but guilts me because I didn't send my dad a birthday card. So I send her a birthday card and she forgets my husband's birthday. And our anniversary. So I send her a mother's day card but ignore their wedding anniversary. And so the cycle continues. The biggest kicker is when she forgets Nixon. I could careless about ignoring my birthday or my anniversary or even my husband's birthday, but to ignore my child, her GRANDchild's birthday just seems a far bigger crime to me.

Both of my grandmothers were amazing to my sister and I when we were growing up. As crazy as my grandmother drives me with her Christianity pushing, backhanded complimenting ways I'm still grateful she's in my life and I love the memories she created for me during my childhood. Granted, not all of them are great, but I have plenty of good ones to shrink down the bad ones.
I want Nixon to have the with his grandmothers. I know my mother-in-law will be wonderful about that when we're home in the states again and I also know my mom will not make any effort. I shouldn't be shocked or surprised, but I'm a little sad to know he'll miss that.

So my Mother's Day is all about me and MY journey as a mother. NOT my mother's journey as a mom, she clearly closed that door years ago.

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