Random conversation I wish I didn't have to have with my 5-year-old

Nixon: Look mom!
me: Umm.....what, the...?!?!
*he has an unsharpened pencil in his underwear*
Nixon: I put this in my undies! *laughs hysterically*
me: No! Just no! You do not put toys, markers, pencils or anything else in your undies!
Nixon: Why not?!
me: Because your undies are for your butt and peenie only.
Nixon: Oh man.

I should be grateful he's wearing undies, since earlier he declared undies to be "dumb and stupid" and spent 30 minutes in the bathroom, because he's allowed to not wear undies in there.

Updated: Nixon has also been walking around with only one sock on. Evidently, there was something wrong with the other one "There was something in my sock". When I offered "Your foot?", he refused to see the humor I was offering him and instead replied "Well, yeah but something else too. But I took my sock off and everything's all better now. Everythingisawesome!"
*yes he did sing that last part. Thank you Lego Movie commercials*