Well, my Saturday is off to a fine start. How is everyone else's? I hope for your sakes, not anything like mine is going. Unless you are a mortal enemy of mine and then I hope you are having the same day times 5. Which would only be possible if you have 5 kids or quintuplets.
Nixon is currently in his room, and is there until he decides to leave his room clothed. He's in his jammies, but is refusing to change for the day. Fine, I'm tired of this constant battle of the wills. Not going to change your clothes, stay in your room. Done!
While I'm dealing with this at home before I've had my coffee even Mac is off waiting for a comic book signing at Third Eye Comics, where he's been since 7am. It's an ongoing theme lately. I deal with Nixon's tantrums and Mac is....well, anywhere but home. True, a lot of the time he's working or doing something work related, but this week it's also been him doing things he likes doing...alone. Which translates to he gets free time and I get? Another wonderful tantrum, strong-willed filled day of Nixon fun. *sigh*
After 20 minutes in his room, Nixon came down and got dressed then asked to go see Daddy. Before we left (I made a cup of coffee) I warned Nixon that if he acted up and didn't listen to Mac or myself, I would bring him back home.
We left the house and got to Third Eye Comics without issue. Nixon was a gem, sitting in his chair while I actually got to have a conversation with another adult about something I enjoyed! He started watching his PSP, but was soon enamored with a friend's pet rat. The rat was replaced by solitaire on our friend's phone, which Nixon was quite good at surprisingly enough.
Everything was good, until Nixon decided to run around and stop listening. Enter me. I picked him up, carried him (screeching at the top of his lungs) to the car, and we left. He was warned and now I was following through. He was upset, wanted to go back to Daddy, but that wasn't happening.
And Mac? He's still at the comic book store, waiting in line for the signing. To be fair, he did offer to come home, before Nixon and I got there, to help get Nixon ready. I declined because forcing Nixon to get ready wasn't going to fix anything. Nixon needed to make the choice himself.
It's frustrating that my days are filled with tantrums and plans getting shelved because Nixon won't behave, but Mac's life and plans go on. It's a cycle we go through every 6-9 months. We'll be on really good and equal ground for a while than BAM! I'm losing all my sanity and he's getting a lot of breaks. It balances out in the end, it's just been a little harder since I suck at making friends. Wait, does a bottle of wine count as a friend? Cause if it does then I've had a couple new friends in the past two months, but it ended abruptly when I realized they were empty and I was tipsy.
Showing posts with label oh my lung capacity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oh my lung capacity. Show all posts
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
My little self-dictator
As a parent, a mother especially I believe, it's hard to face reality and accept that your child may have "issues" and seek to get them help. It's common to get feedback from well-meaning strangers, friends and family members like "Oh, it's a phase" or "Well, what do you expect, you spend too much time with him" and other shit along those lines.
Recently, while facing the reality that Nixon will be going into some kind of Pre-Kindergarten this fall, I've also been faced with his less than perfect behaviors and took the first step to see if these were real "issues" on a larger scale or if they were, in fact, just a phase.
The county we live in offers evaluations for learning and behavioral disabilities through a program called Child Find. While this info is not easy to find, on your own without guidance from the school system, it is there if you are like me and willing to spend hours scouring the Internet searching for public resources. I finally made an appointment, after explaining my concerns for Wednesday May 15th.
What were my concerns? Nixon is easily frustrated by new tasks to the point of tantrums, he has some speech issues, he's very sensitive to sounds,he's very focused on things being done "right" if he thinks it's wrong everything is ruined. To someone else, these would seem small and like I'm overreacting but put them all together and on any given day Nixon is a ticking time-bomb in a new environment.
We met with the evaluator and were taken to a small classroom setup. Nixon was given a few small tasks to complete, puzzles and things of that nature, while Mac and I spoke to the evaluator about our (mostly mine) concerns. After talking to us for roughly 20 minutes, during which time Nixon completed an advanced puzzle meant to occupy him for several minutes in less than one minute, she went to spend time with Nixon one-on-one. This was when I had to focus on filling out paperwork and tune them out because I needed to resist the urge to correct Nixon's behavior. He wasn't being horrible, he was just forgetting his "please" and "thank you"s while he was constantly saying "I can't do it" a favorite phrase of his before he does a new and unfamiliar task and more than once being bossy. But this was why he was being evaluated and he was told to be himself, much like he would be in a classroom.
He didn't like when the tasks had to change, for example switching from cutting paper to drawing suddenly. He wanted more time building blocks. He displayed his "this is ruined" behavior when he found a broken peg, but didn't flip out because it was quickly removed from his sight. He was able to hear a classroom of students through the wall and asked why they were "being so loud", the evaluator said they were learning like he was and he said "they should do it quieter, they are being too loud"...she looked over his shoulder at me and gave kind of a knowing "Oh I see" glance. He was able to copy building block patterns she made, even a more advanced setup that she didn't expect he would be able to complete...he did!
She made notes of his language the whole time. With the exception of his "th" sounding like "f" at the end of words mostly, which is age appropriate, he is fine with language and can carry on exceptionally well for his age. He is above age-level for grammar, with his sentence structure of "Excuse me, may I please play with this box now?" according to the evaluator. I just thought I was teaching my child to be polite, I never gave a second-thought to sentence structure.
One of the funniest moments came during the verbal analogy part. She'd give Nixon an analogy and ask him to complete it. The first one was "Food is for eating, Milk is for_____", expecting drinking. Nope, Nixon says "cow". So she repeats it and he says "cow" again, she tries a third time and Nixon says "I said milk is for COW", she moved on and he did fine on the next 3 analogies, even correcting himself with a more appropriate word at one point: "My hand is big, your hand is____" Nixon first said "little" but then said "No, wait...my hand is small." She was impressed that he would correct himself like that.
After all was said and done, she sat down with Mac and I again and went over her findings. She does not see anything that leads her to believe Nixon has a learning disability, first and foremost. He has no signs of being on the autism spectrum either. He does have sensory perception disorder with sounds, but we've got a firm understanding on that and are handling it appropriately at the moment.* Nixon is showing signs of being very bright, above age-level intellectually wise but (there's always a but right?) he has behavioral issues which can pose problems in a classroom environment.
Nixon is self-dictated. He's happiest when he's setting the pace on what he's learning and doing. Which is no surprise to me, I saw him learn how to walk independently in a matter hours when he decided he was ready and potty training was the same way. When he was ready, he went from pull-ups to undies in a couple weeks...full-time, no accidents overnight even! Self-dictated? Yeah, I can see that!
But he's not good with taking directions. Which will undoubtedly be an issue in a classroom. He's so damned bright, I want him to love school but he won't if he's getting in trouble for not listening to his teacher. Which is why the evaluator referred us to another program BEST (Behavioral/Emotional Support and Training) to help us learn how to help him control that now before he's in school.
Overall, it was a good evaluation. Until the end. We'd mentioned Nixon's epic tantrums that happen when he's told to do something he just does not want to do. Well, he did not want to leave when our appointment was over. And he let it be known...by screeching at the top of his lungs! I was my usual calm, I've-shut-down-because-I-need-to-check-out-and-just-deal-with-him-non-emotionally-right-now self, and the evaluator and her boss both asked if this behavior was normal, and of course we replied, "When he doesn't get what he wants and a distraction doesn't work, yep, this is normal" I'm glad they got to see it. It's important they see all the behavioral issues we'd mentioned, and they're going to pass their notes onto their Occupational Therapist as well.
* I've been worried, especially since I only have one child, that I might be over-indulging Nixon and making his issues worst unintentionally. When going shopping or to a restaurant, we have his PSP with shows on it so he can watch that and focus on the familiarise of his shows rather than the noises around him. I had been worried that I was helping him "check out" of reality, but the Child Find head behaviorist actual said, given how she had been witnessing Nixon in the classroom setting, giving him something else to focus on is great. He's still out in public, getting to do things like eating out and helping with the grocery shopping, when he's comfortable enough, but he's not overwhelmed by the surroundings all-at-once. By having something for him to focus on, that we know works to keep him focused, we're providing him safety from the chaos he would otherwise be going through. The fact that I will also take him outside and let him decompress away from the site and sounds of a busy diner, is another good thing I'm doing for him. I'm not punishing him, for getting overwhelmed, I'm giving him a chance to regather himself.
It's been hard to see Nixon struggle and not know if it's me causing the issues or if he's had genuine issues. To get actual professional opinions about him has helped. We know where to go from here, how to help him and what steps to take to help make him successful when he enters school. It's hard to admit your child isn't perfect and might need help, but the very best thing for your child is to get them that help early so they can be successful later in life.
Recently, while facing the reality that Nixon will be going into some kind of Pre-Kindergarten this fall, I've also been faced with his less than perfect behaviors and took the first step to see if these were real "issues" on a larger scale or if they were, in fact, just a phase.
The county we live in offers evaluations for learning and behavioral disabilities through a program called Child Find. While this info is not easy to find, on your own without guidance from the school system, it is there if you are like me and willing to spend hours scouring the Internet searching for public resources. I finally made an appointment, after explaining my concerns for Wednesday May 15th.
What were my concerns? Nixon is easily frustrated by new tasks to the point of tantrums, he has some speech issues, he's very sensitive to sounds,he's very focused on things being done "right" if he thinks it's wrong everything is ruined. To someone else, these would seem small and like I'm overreacting but put them all together and on any given day Nixon is a ticking time-bomb in a new environment.
We met with the evaluator and were taken to a small classroom setup. Nixon was given a few small tasks to complete, puzzles and things of that nature, while Mac and I spoke to the evaluator about our (mostly mine) concerns. After talking to us for roughly 20 minutes, during which time Nixon completed an advanced puzzle meant to occupy him for several minutes in less than one minute, she went to spend time with Nixon one-on-one. This was when I had to focus on filling out paperwork and tune them out because I needed to resist the urge to correct Nixon's behavior. He wasn't being horrible, he was just forgetting his "please" and "thank you"s while he was constantly saying "I can't do it" a favorite phrase of his before he does a new and unfamiliar task and more than once being bossy. But this was why he was being evaluated and he was told to be himself, much like he would be in a classroom.
He didn't like when the tasks had to change, for example switching from cutting paper to drawing suddenly. He wanted more time building blocks. He displayed his "this is ruined" behavior when he found a broken peg, but didn't flip out because it was quickly removed from his sight. He was able to hear a classroom of students through the wall and asked why they were "being so loud", the evaluator said they were learning like he was and he said "they should do it quieter, they are being too loud"...she looked over his shoulder at me and gave kind of a knowing "Oh I see" glance. He was able to copy building block patterns she made, even a more advanced setup that she didn't expect he would be able to complete...he did!
She made notes of his language the whole time. With the exception of his "th" sounding like "f" at the end of words mostly, which is age appropriate, he is fine with language and can carry on exceptionally well for his age. He is above age-level for grammar, with his sentence structure of "Excuse me, may I please play with this box now?" according to the evaluator. I just thought I was teaching my child to be polite, I never gave a second-thought to sentence structure.
One of the funniest moments came during the verbal analogy part. She'd give Nixon an analogy and ask him to complete it. The first one was "Food is for eating, Milk is for_____", expecting drinking. Nope, Nixon says "cow". So she repeats it and he says "cow" again, she tries a third time and Nixon says "I said milk is for COW", she moved on and he did fine on the next 3 analogies, even correcting himself with a more appropriate word at one point: "My hand is big, your hand is____" Nixon first said "little" but then said "No, wait...my hand is small." She was impressed that he would correct himself like that.
After all was said and done, she sat down with Mac and I again and went over her findings. She does not see anything that leads her to believe Nixon has a learning disability, first and foremost. He has no signs of being on the autism spectrum either. He does have sensory perception disorder with sounds, but we've got a firm understanding on that and are handling it appropriately at the moment.* Nixon is showing signs of being very bright, above age-level intellectually wise but (there's always a but right?) he has behavioral issues which can pose problems in a classroom environment.
Nixon is self-dictated. He's happiest when he's setting the pace on what he's learning and doing. Which is no surprise to me, I saw him learn how to walk independently in a matter hours when he decided he was ready and potty training was the same way. When he was ready, he went from pull-ups to undies in a couple weeks...full-time, no accidents overnight even! Self-dictated? Yeah, I can see that!
But he's not good with taking directions. Which will undoubtedly be an issue in a classroom. He's so damned bright, I want him to love school but he won't if he's getting in trouble for not listening to his teacher. Which is why the evaluator referred us to another program BEST (Behavioral/Emotional Support and Training) to help us learn how to help him control that now before he's in school.
Overall, it was a good evaluation. Until the end. We'd mentioned Nixon's epic tantrums that happen when he's told to do something he just does not want to do. Well, he did not want to leave when our appointment was over. And he let it be known...by screeching at the top of his lungs! I was my usual calm, I've-shut-down-because-I-need-to-check-out-and-just-deal-with-him-non-emotionally-right-now self, and the evaluator and her boss both asked if this behavior was normal, and of course we replied, "When he doesn't get what he wants and a distraction doesn't work, yep, this is normal" I'm glad they got to see it. It's important they see all the behavioral issues we'd mentioned, and they're going to pass their notes onto their Occupational Therapist as well.
* I've been worried, especially since I only have one child, that I might be over-indulging Nixon and making his issues worst unintentionally. When going shopping or to a restaurant, we have his PSP with shows on it so he can watch that and focus on the familiarise of his shows rather than the noises around him. I had been worried that I was helping him "check out" of reality, but the Child Find head behaviorist actual said, given how she had been witnessing Nixon in the classroom setting, giving him something else to focus on is great. He's still out in public, getting to do things like eating out and helping with the grocery shopping, when he's comfortable enough, but he's not overwhelmed by the surroundings all-at-once. By having something for him to focus on, that we know works to keep him focused, we're providing him safety from the chaos he would otherwise be going through. The fact that I will also take him outside and let him decompress away from the site and sounds of a busy diner, is another good thing I'm doing for him. I'm not punishing him, for getting overwhelmed, I'm giving him a chance to regather himself.
It's been hard to see Nixon struggle and not know if it's me causing the issues or if he's had genuine issues. To get actual professional opinions about him has helped. We know where to go from here, how to help him and what steps to take to help make him successful when he enters school. It's hard to admit your child isn't perfect and might need help, but the very best thing for your child is to get them that help early so they can be successful later in life.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
My heart's breaking and I'm the reason why.....this parenting gig kind of sucks ass, yo!
As I write this, Nixon is sequestered in his room screaming and crying for me and I'm ignoring his pleas and demands. I'm not heartless, though I certainly feel as though I am right now. I'm not doing the "cry it out" method to get him to take a nap, we're way past that and thankfully he likes his sleep almost as much as we do.
No, I'm punishing him (and myself it seems) for his continuous screeching outbursts in public. They've been getting progressively worse and louder recently, and with a plane trip which will last HOURS in our not-so distant future, I'm nipping this shit right and tight now. Even if it means I'm breaking my own heart listening to his cries in the meantime. Because, afterall, most of this is a result of my own doing.
"How so?" you ask. You ask a wise and loaded question. See, I started rewarded Nixon for good behavior in public, which became almost second nature. However, when the tantrums started the rewards stopped and the screeching started! He even got smart enough to behave long enough to get the reward, only to act out as soon as we left because I wouldn't let him get more things he "need"ed. Then he learned to say "May I have...?" and thought that by asking correctly he'd get it automatically, sometimes I'd give in other times not (depending on his prior behavior and what he was asking for), when I said "no" the screeching began. It really became the go-to in his arsenal against us for anything he didn't like. Didn't like dinner? SCREECH!! Didn't want plain white milk? SCREECH!! Didn't want to wear underwear in the house? SCREECH!! Clearly, you can see how it'd wear a person down.
So today, I drew a line in the sand. We went out to run errands while Mac slept (poor guy is on midnights and I decide I'm going to go balls-to-the-wall hardcore parenting....I love you, honey!), I told Nixon "no car" before we left, I told him again when we got to the store, I had snacks in hand for him and we just meandered for almost an hour. Mindless, pointless walking around quietly together after I grabbed what I was there for in the first place. It was nice. It was calm. It was.....short lived. As soon as we left and he realized I really meant no cars, he demanded (re: SCREECHED) to go into another store. I whispered directly into his ear "No, Nixon, I'm sorry but we're leaving" and headed for the door. I got out the door and he asked for a snack (our new distraction when we're going to be a while) out of the vending machine. When he got told no for that as well, he screeched again!
*Enter dirty glares from perfect strangers here*
I gave him a warning, if he screeched or yelled one more time, we'd go straight home and he'd go in his bedroom for 30 minutes with no toys and no books. (I will leave him BeBe though). He was quiet all the way to the car. As soon as it was time to get into the car....a screech that almost popped my eardrums as I was buckling him in!
*Enter more dirty looks from strangers, 3 parking row (not spaces ROWS) way*
I got into the car, buckled my seatbelt and told Nixon we were going home because he had earned his trip to his bedroom.
He screeched, yelled, cried, screamed and slammed his door for 27 of 30 minutes. I spent a couple minutes curled up on Mac's chest on the verge of tears listening my my son RAGE at me and for me. He stopped yelling less than 2 minutes before the timer went off. I went into his room. He was lying on his bed, fingers in mouth clutching BeBe, his sweet little tear-stained face lying away from the door and his eyes were closed.
I woke him, hugged him, kissed him, told him why I did what I did and now he's curled up next to me waiting for me to finish up this blog so he can play one of the games he loves on kneebouncers.com.
My heart still hurts from all his anger, but I know we're going to recover....just in time to do this a few more times over before he gets the lesson I'm trying to teach him.
No, I'm punishing him (and myself it seems) for his continuous screeching outbursts in public. They've been getting progressively worse and louder recently, and with a plane trip which will last HOURS in our not-so distant future, I'm nipping this shit right and tight now. Even if it means I'm breaking my own heart listening to his cries in the meantime. Because, afterall, most of this is a result of my own doing.
"How so?" you ask. You ask a wise and loaded question. See, I started rewarded Nixon for good behavior in public, which became almost second nature. However, when the tantrums started the rewards stopped and the screeching started! He even got smart enough to behave long enough to get the reward, only to act out as soon as we left because I wouldn't let him get more things he "need"ed. Then he learned to say "May I have...?" and thought that by asking correctly he'd get it automatically, sometimes I'd give in other times not (depending on his prior behavior and what he was asking for), when I said "no" the screeching began. It really became the go-to in his arsenal against us for anything he didn't like. Didn't like dinner? SCREECH!! Didn't want plain white milk? SCREECH!! Didn't want to wear underwear in the house? SCREECH!! Clearly, you can see how it'd wear a person down.
So today, I drew a line in the sand. We went out to run errands while Mac slept (poor guy is on midnights and I decide I'm going to go balls-to-the-wall hardcore parenting....I love you, honey!), I told Nixon "no car" before we left, I told him again when we got to the store, I had snacks in hand for him and we just meandered for almost an hour. Mindless, pointless walking around quietly together after I grabbed what I was there for in the first place. It was nice. It was calm. It was.....short lived. As soon as we left and he realized I really meant no cars, he demanded (re: SCREECHED) to go into another store. I whispered directly into his ear "No, Nixon, I'm sorry but we're leaving" and headed for the door. I got out the door and he asked for a snack (our new distraction when we're going to be a while) out of the vending machine. When he got told no for that as well, he screeched again!
*Enter dirty glares from perfect strangers here*
I gave him a warning, if he screeched or yelled one more time, we'd go straight home and he'd go in his bedroom for 30 minutes with no toys and no books. (I will leave him BeBe though). He was quiet all the way to the car. As soon as it was time to get into the car....a screech that almost popped my eardrums as I was buckling him in!
*Enter more dirty looks from strangers, 3 parking row (not spaces ROWS) way*
I got into the car, buckled my seatbelt and told Nixon we were going home because he had earned his trip to his bedroom.
He screeched, yelled, cried, screamed and slammed his door for 27 of 30 minutes. I spent a couple minutes curled up on Mac's chest on the verge of tears listening my my son RAGE at me and for me. He stopped yelling less than 2 minutes before the timer went off. I went into his room. He was lying on his bed, fingers in mouth clutching BeBe, his sweet little tear-stained face lying away from the door and his eyes were closed.
I woke him, hugged him, kissed him, told him why I did what I did and now he's curled up next to me waiting for me to finish up this blog so he can play one of the games he loves on kneebouncers.com.
My heart still hurts from all his anger, but I know we're going to recover....just in time to do this a few more times over before he gets the lesson I'm trying to teach him.
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