**originally written and posted May 26th, 2009**
It's just after 9pm here. Nixon is finally asleep! I'm.....well, I'm recovering. To all my mommy's-to-be, just baking babies right now...you might not want to read this. If you choose to...you've been warned and I will not be held accountable for the emotional meltdown that reading this may cause.
That being said....
The last 2 weeks I've had my routine. Nixon's gums were hard and you could see the teeth threatening to poke through. I decided to do everything I can to make it as painless as possible. That meant holding frozen teething rings for him, putting washcloths in the freezer for him to chew on, letting him chew my finger when we were in the car and even putting his bottle nipples in the freezer while I was warming up his formula just so he had a cold surface on his tender gums. I gave him Tylenol and teething tablets 3 times a day. I was golden! I was calm and prepared.
I was wrong!
This morning, while giving him his teething tablets (moms-to-be stock up on these things, they are a life saver!!!) I felt something that hadn't been there before. Nixon's first tooth came through!!! I saw the white amid the pink of his gums. I'd done it! I was the most amazing mother ever!! My son broke his first tooth and didn't even notice!!! Man, I was ready to have 1000 more babies, cause I now had motherhood down!
We ran errands, had lunch out and came home. Nix went down for a nap and so did Mac. I watched Gilmore Girls and just reveled in my skills as a mother.
Nixon started getting a little fussy around 730pm after Mac left for work. I took him into our bedroom while I worked in there for a bit. About 5 minutes later,my smiling happy baby boy was abducted and a screaming monster child was left in his place! His face was bright red and he was taking huge gulps of air between screams! I picked him up and tried everything that usually relaxes and calms him. Nothing was working. "Uncle" David Bowie failed me. Swinging him side to side, failed me. Making silly faces and sounds, failed me. Chewing my finger, failed me. No matter what I did he wasn't being comforted.
All my newfound mommy confidence went out the window and it was replaced by a desperate need to comfort my son and make the pain stop. In a last ditch effort, I left him in our pompasan chair and RAN into the laundry room to get Beary (who was in the wash because earlier today Nixon threw him on the driveway) and brought him out to Nixon. Nixon (usually very happy and throwing arms out to get Beary) sat there, tears still rolling down his cheeks, bottom lip out and quivering, looked at me and Beary....and screamed some more! I put Beary in Nixon's arms and his ear near Nixon's open mouth. During a break from screaming to take a big deep breath, Nixon's mouth closed on Beary's ear. Nixon stopped crying! He still whimpered and sighed, but no screaming. I took advantage and made him a bottle, the nipple had been in the freezer for 15 minutes now.
Around 845pm he was quiet.
I picked up my somber baby and went to the loveseat to give him his bottle. Beary never left our arms! Nixon settled in for the bottle....and all hell broke loose again! The screaming, crying and red face all reappeared! I grabbed the Tylenol and gave him some. I put the teething tablets in his mouth and rubbed the resulting paste on his gums. He relaxed enough to take half his bottle. I held him, stroked his arm softly, sang my silly nonsensical songs to him and also sang "twinkle, twinkle little star"more times than I can count. That song has a magical calming spell on my son. I have his aquarium mobile set to that song, I have a toy lion that plays that song and I will sing that song a million times, if that's what it takes to get him to calm down!
Finally, by 9pm on the dot, his eyes were drooping, his tears were dry and we had survived! I gave him kisses, put his diaper clad self in his crib and turned on his aquarium. I also left Beary with him, cause you never know when a teething child will need something to bite on.
I realized one thing tonight. Despite my recent thoughts of wanting another child....it will never happen...NEVER!!! I couldn't handle going through that again. The sleepless nights, the completely helpless infant stage, the back labor, the constant kicking in the same spot, the morning sickness...these are all things that I consider every time I think of wanting another one. But tonight...that's the deciding moment. I felt so helpless just letting my poor pain ridden child cry and scream knowing there was NOTHING I could do to make any of it better. I can't do that again, and shipping a teething child to grandma's house hardly seems fair, so not an option.
Nixon's been asleep for almost an hour now..One more cup of coffee and I should be fine.
Good goddess above....I have no idea what I'm doing as a mother! But the good thing is...Nixon doesn't know that. That's why he smiles when he sees me in the morning, giggles when we play our diaper game and reaches for me when he's been out of my arms for too long. I'm his mother, his rock, his whole world....and I'm pretty damned good at it!