Stressed out, this move is getting to us all

   Today was one of those days that had me in near tears, Nixon almost running into traffic (he's safe, don't freak...he was stopped before actually getting that close to the street. But it was enough to scare the tears out of me and he didn't even fight me when I put him in a shopping cart after his great escape!) and Mac ready to leave us (I joke, he can't leave us until we're back in the states, for now we're all stuck with each other). 


   As the boxes pile up, the donations are made and the days tick by, we're all getting more and more stressed. It's finally hitting Nixon, I think, that something big is happening and he can't really understand it. I'm trying to explain it as bet I can, to his 3-year old self, but it's a lot to take in. His whole world is changing and being packed away. 


   Today was MY breaking point. Time outs, putting Nixon in his room what ever we're doing....it's not working. It's the wrong approach. Tonight, as I was putting Nix to bed, I asked him how he was feeling. He just wanted to be snuggled and sang to (sung to??). He asked me to sing to him, his baby song (a song I made up just for him) while laying in his bed with him. 
   I came up with THIS idea: "Snuggle Out". Whenever Nixon's feeling scared, anxious, angry, lonely or whatever he can come to me or Mac and say he wants a "Snuggle Out". During the "Snuggle Out" he'll get 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time with which ever parent he asked. It doesn't have to be straight snuggles. It can be tickles, hugs, smelling his "stinky" feet (that's a mommy thing only...daddy doesn't do it any more) or it could be something like taking his football outside and tossing it around. Whatever it takes to get him to relax for a while.


  And as a silly side story: 

our massive pile waiting to be donated

  I mentioned we dropped off our donations today (took 2 trips). We had a rather spectacular amount of clothes/toys/kitchen things....and as a last minute addition: Nixon tricycle. He outgrew it before he even really learned how to ride it. I sat him down and asked him if we could give it to another little boy or girl, and if he said yes, when we moved to our new house, we'd buy him a big boy bike. His only question was, "Can I have pink bike?" Umm...Mac said no. I said we'll have to see what kind of bikes he has to choose from first. 

If you bitch, they will come (A happy ending to the Santa picture fiasco!)

   Last night during a random but awesome video conversation with my cousin, those damned Santa photos were brought up. How? I don't recall, but that's because it's very hard to follow the flow of our conversations, there's not exactly a flow chart to our thoughts and we sure don't stick to one topic for long! 
   I had said I pretty much chalked them up to a loss and will be writing an email when I'm gone, off the island, for good. Jess said she wanted the email so she could send them an email as well. Hell hath no fury like my family sending emails about being screwed over, especially when we're doing it as a collective unit. 


   Imagine my surprise when I opened my email this morning and found this:
Good morning Mrs. Wilcox-Ball,
I hope you have had a wonderful weekend and I hope I can brighten it a little more with what I am hoping is some pictures of your baby. ;-) Going by the information you gave me, I starting asking a few others that were there about their pictures and it was actually my senior J W that was Santa that day and Tyler and his girl friend had come up with their son to take pictures. I found soem photo's that my daughter had taken of Z and the boys and there is a few with little ones on their that we had taken because of the seniors being so nuturing or the photo just being so sweet we wanted to place them in the senior class vedio and year book. I went back to the e-mail you sent to double check.... I didn't want to send you pictures of someone elses baby. LOL!! But, I think I HAVE FOUND SOME!! Sorry they are not the ones AFN took but, I think they are good and I PRAY they are of your son.
Info from your e-mail:
**My son was wearing a black short-sleeved shirt, with white long-sleeves underneath. He had on dark green pants and black sneakers. His teddy bear, which was in the photos with him, is also white and about 11 inches tall.
There was someone named Tyler there, who was sitting on Santa's lap just before my son. He was one of the high school students and it seemed they were just goofing around at the end of the day.**
I do apologize if it is not and I am doing my best to still look into this. I was hoping you would have brought your baby up when we (not AFN) were doing the Easter Bunny Pictures. We printed them out on the spot and were going to do yours for free. Like I said before.... "I have 5 babies and I know how important ALL those first are and how very special and meaningful they become later in life when you are preparing for a graduation, wedding, birth of your sons son or daughter." So please beleive, "I AM CROSSING MY FINGERS AND SAYING A PRAYER!" PLEASE let me know if it is of him!?!?!?!
Have a blessed week!!
Sincerely and Respectfully,
S

I'm even going to over look all the spelling errors, because SHE FOUND NIXON'S PICTURES WITH SANTA!!!!

Who says my bitching will get me nowhere in life??!? This is proof positive that I will not stop being who I am when it comes to the important things in mine and my family's life and milestones!

I'll have to work on the photos in Photoshop before they're print ready, but the point is: I have them!! Almost 5 months later, but I have them!!

Vulnerability overload....you've been warned!

    Holy shit, y'all! We are now less than a month away from leaving Okinawa and heading home to wonderful East Coast, USA! This is the beginning of the bittersweet last moments on Okinawa with friends like K and Miss Macy. The "controlled" chaos that comes with packing and moving an entire household. Plus the stress of realizing the days of carefree who-gives-a-shit-what-you-think-about-me-and-my-parenting attitude are numbered. Add in the multiple nights of nightmares and dreams that involve me being murdered, witnessing a murder or going to a funeral and it's no wonder I'm on medications!


   It's been easy, really damned easy, to walk around with a "fuck off" attitude towards people who don't like me or my parenting techniques. Because, let's face facts, outside of K, I really could give a flying fuck about what anyone on this island thinks of me. Don't believe me, ask me how I feel about some of the bitches on this rock! 
  But all that is about to end. 
   Pretty soon we're going to be eyeball deep in friends and family again, and I really will care when I hear comments about Nixon's behavior or my parenting (or lack thereof) skills. I know my friends won't make cruel or hurtful comments, but family...well that's another can of worms that you can't always control. Especially some of the "older" generation. *cough, Marsha, cough*
     I already have heard she's praying for Nixon because she's afraid his soul is doomed because we're not taking him to church or teaching him about christianity. I'm pretty sure if she sees a tantrum of his, she'll be on the phone calling her pastor for an exorcism since she once tried to have one done on me....seriously, no shit, y'all! My son's not evil, he's 3. He's willful, stubborn and sometimes a bit wild...basically everything my parents every wished a child of mine would be!


    But I'm not ready to hear (behind my back because NO one from the older generations actually goes to the source with issues, they just gossip behind everyone's backs, knowing eventually it'll get back to the person anyways...same result, less confrontation. Awesome stuff in my family....) that I can't handle my ONE child, or that Nixon needs more structure, or that he wouldn't behave like *that* if he had been in daycare and was around other kids regularly or any of the other stuff I already have running through my head about his behavior coming from someone else's mouth.


   I don't want Nixon to be judged and compared to everyone but it's going to happen. There's a BIG reason why I'm not ready to rush home and spend time with my family. I can't stand the thought of Nixon being compared to his cousins by a great-grandmother who looks at each child on a sliding scale of bullshit! I swear, if you asked her she'd tell you some crazy fact about each one of her grandkids (and now great-grandchildren) that has NO truth to it at all, but she uses it to compare all the others to that one child. And she is constantly comparing us all to each other! Nixon is going to be surrounded by a ton of new faces, thrust into new surroundings and if he doesn't want to hug GiGi she will never let me forget it! Like I should force him to love her after being away for so long!
Here's how that conversation would go:
GiGi: Nixon, come give GiGi a hug!
Nixon: I don't want to
GiGi: Nixon it's not nice to not hug people who love you.
Me: Gram, don't push him. He's just met you give him time to warm up to you first. 
GiGi: What do you mean he's just met me? I sent you pictures of us, he should recognize my face...you have shown him all those pictures I sent you, right? That's why I sent them, so he'd know who we were. We're his family, not strangers he should shy away from!
Me: Yes, Gram, I showed him the pictures but in person you're....not someone he knows, for now you're a stranger.
GiGi: Well, that's great Beck, way to keep him from us! Three years apart and now I can't even get a hug from him! Why are you trying to hurt me?!?


Sadly, I'm not exaggerating the above. I already feel like I'm screwed the minute I get "home" to see my family and they realize Nixon's 3 and I've already fucked him up!
    I'm prepared for comments like: 
"he's so tall, but skinny. Does he eat enough?" 
"Why is he wearing nail polish on his toes? Don't you know he'll catch the gay like that?" 
"Beck, you shouldn't be afraid to spank him more."


   I'm used to being judged by my family and letting it roll off my back. But now, as a mother....I'm not so sure. Because it's not just me being judged. It's my baby boy too. And as much as I'd like to say "Fuck off" to my grandmother for not liking how I handle something, I still have enough respect (and I'm teaching Nixon to have respect as well) NOT to do it. I may smart mouth, but cursing directly at her is still a no-no. 

Details, accomplishments, dates and cuteness overload...man I've been busy!

  March came and went almost too damned fast! Here we are in April, our last full month on Okinawa and I am ass deep in get-the-fuck-off-this-rock mode. I have been ever since we got our travel date (and no I didn't resort to sacrificing a small woodland creature, under the light of the full moon at the precise stroke of 3 am by slitting its throat counterclockwise and dripping it warm blood into a silver goblet while chanting "I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home", all while dancing naked around a bonfire made of virgins pubic hair cut before the first menstrual cycle...but I was totally ready too!) of May 10th. Yep, in 5 weeks from today we'll be leaving this rock and (regretfully?? blissfully??) never returning. 


  I've been doing laundry, collecting clothes to donate, sorting books to donate, packing up extra linens/blankets/towels we won't need, making cozy crate liners for the cats (well Arwen's is done, I need to get on Amber's), replaced the big-ass box tv in our bedroom with a smaller flat screen one (to save weight)...and tons more! On top of remembering I have a son to feed and take care of. 


    But the biggest, most important accomplishment (thus far) regarding the move happened tonight: THE CATS ARE BOOKED AND COMING HOME WITH US FOR SURE!!! And it's not going to cost an assload of money! United is going to honor the original excess baggage fee of $250 per cat. This was a huge weight off my shoulders, and I have the confirmation emails in my inbox (and printed out in my handy-dandy get-'er done notebook) from United guaranteeing their spots and the rates! The only "bad" part is they will have to be checked in as baggage and will not be in the cabin with us. BUT, on the plus side, that does mean I will not have to be drugging my cat. We'll bring the soft-sided carriers and switch them to those when we get the rental car. PLUS, Arwen is now sleeping in her crate because I'm awesome and I'm taking the entire month to let her get adjusted to it little-by-little. 


   Finally, as promised, the cuteness overload. But first a huge thanks to anyone who voted for Nixon and Miss Macy back in February for the Cutest Couple contest. They won, by an impressive margin the proud momma in me feels the need to add, and last week the stars aliened just so meaning K and I were finally able to meet with the photographer to get their couple's photo shoot done. I've had photos done by Lacey (aka Lu Lu Bug Photography) before, several times in fact, but I have never had more respect for a photographer than I did for her working with these two kiddos last week! She was incredible! If she couldn't get them to work with her, she'd make it work. I'm going to post the sneak peeks she posted on her facebook page (PLEASE, if you're reading this and in Okinawa, book Lacey!! I promise you, you will not be disappointed! She's wonderful!) 
  

melts my mommy heart to a mushy pile of goo

You like me, you REALLY like me!! (but who am I??)

Proof of your affection for me came in the form of a surprise nomination for the highly coveted and prestigious SUNSHINE AWARD. I'm flattered and eternally grateful to Jules  for the nomination. She's cool, her blog rocks and she's a fellow Bloggess follower! Check her out, yo! 

Here are the rules for this award:

1) Include the award logo in a post or in your blog.
2) Answer 10 questions about yourself.
3) Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.
4) Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog to let them know they are nominated.
5) Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

Ok, so here are the ten questions about me and my very own answers:

Favorite Color: I'm torn, and have been for years, between green and purple, I can't decide.

Favorite Number:  3, for a multitude of reasons. The biggest reason my family of 3 is perfect despite what some people in society/my family/ the military community think and feel free to verbalize   opinions about, often negative ones at that. Assholes! 

Favorite Animal: tigers...cats in general.

Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink: coffee, I love coffee. Try not to go a day without it if I can help it. 

Facebook or Twitter: facebook, especially the past 3 years away from family and friends.

My Passion: Sarcasm...honestly I'm passionate about spreading the sarcasm wealth around. I'd like to have some deep meaningful passion, and I have some passions, but none so important as using sarcasm as a defense mechanism to make up for my emotional short comings.  

Giving or Receiving Gifts:  I love giving. I love searching for that perfect gift, hiding it and watching the receiver's face when they open the gift. It's awesome!!  

Favorite Pattern:  I'm partial to tattoo inspired patterns, anything with dragons/skulls/koi fish those kinds of tattoo designs. 

Favorite Day of the Week: For now? Thursday, because we leave Okinawa on a Thursday, so it's our new week countdown reset day. 

Favorite Flower:  Lilacs. They smell amazing, look lovely and are purple. 

And now for my nominees:  (in no particular order)

Amanda's design blog

Tiffany and her lovely photos

Julie, her blog inspires me

K, who kept me sane on an insane island

**sorry, I lack a serious blog roll to choose from**