Frolicking in the snow

   Nixon had a snow day today. Yesterday saw over 4 inches of snow fall in our area, and due to falling temps overnight the roads got icy fast which led to schools being cancelled for the safety of the children. I had a feeling they'd be cancelled and kind of prepared Nixon for that last night. I woke up at 6am, checked the school's county facebook page to see what the decision was, and went back to bed when I saw school was cancelled today.
   Nixon came into our bed sometime around 730am and went to sleep with us for a bit. In the end, we stayed in bed until very late in the morning, and it was glorious!

   After breakfast and coffee, the three of us bundled up and headed outside to shovel the sidewalk/parking spots and clean off the cars. Nixon just played in the snow most of the time.
   He did have one winter kid experience that every kid I know has had: he ate an icicle he pulled off my car! Mac thought it was gross (which it is) but I just laughed and told Nixon that I did the same thing as a kid. It happens, but not to do it again.

   When the cars were cleaned off, the sidewalk shoveled and the parking spots cleared I showed Nixon how to make snow angels in the backyard! Yep, I got down in the snow and made one with him. And it was awesome! We rolled around in the snow together, chased each other and threw snow at each other just completely enjoying the snow and our time out in it!
    Having him and watching him playing in the snow brought back memories of my own childhood winters in the snow. I'm glad he's making some snow-memories of his own and I hope he'll remember me being there with him.

It's almost the end of December...that means everyone fight about which holiday "owns" the month, right?!?

   It's that time of year again. The time of year it's hard to be a decent person without offending someone by simply imparting a genuine well-meaning wish of merriment to them.
    That's right boys and girls, it's the end of December, otherwise known as "Wish-me-Merry-Christmas-or-else-you-just-told-me-to-go-fuck-a-two-headed-goat" season.

   It's complicated for me. I'm not Christian, Mac's not Christian and Nixon doesn't even know what a church is. I'm trying to impart some basic pagan ideals on Nixon, but not so much that it's influencing who he is. I'm also trying to include other religions when we talk about the holidays of the season.

    It started with our tree. I can't ever have a "real" tree in my house. Why? Because it's a tarted up corpse of a tree. The minute it's cut, it's already dying. I can't, in good conscience, pay for a tree corpse to put up in my living room and water to keep the illusion of a live tree going.
   Nixon went with me to get all our winter decorations from our storage unit, including our black christmas tree! I bought it last year and I love it! It's fake as can be, it's pre-lit and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I mean I know my tree is fake, I'm not pretending it's not, so why not embrace it and go really fake?!?!
   Nixon asked why our tree is in a box.
   me: Nixon, when you cut down a tree is it alive or dead?
   Nixon: It's dead!
   me: Would you want a dead tree in the living room, with ornaments and lights on it?
   Nixon: No, trees should be in the ground.
   me: That's why our tree is in a box. Because it's fake and I don't feel bad about decorating it. If we had a real tree in the house, it wouldn't be alive and it'd be thrown out after the New Year. Once a tree is cut, it can't be replanted. It's very sad to me.
   Nixon: I like our box tree!


   I've also started telling him a little bit about the Pagan beliefs of Yule. Yule is the celebration of the return of the sun after the longest night of the year (Winter Solstice). The tree is symbolic of life, and lights help brighten the dark winter nights. There's more, but I'm keeping it simple since this is the first year I've really started explaining it to Nixon.
   I told him most importantly, this time of year is to be grateful for our friends and family. We should appreciate what we have in our lives and be generous and kind to others less fortunate than ourselves. He took that last part to heart when he and Mac went shopping for my christmas gift. We have talked about Toys for Tots more than once with Nixon, so he understands the toys are for kids who might otherwise not have gifts under their trees. As he and Mac were checking out, the cashier asked if they'd like to donate to Toys for Tots. Nixon quickly said "YES!" and even chose the toy that would be donated and put it in the box! When they came to meet me, Nixon was bursting with the news of helping a little boy/girl get a gift for christmas! My heart swelled with pride that he was so happy with his donation!
   I worry sometimes, that he doesn't appreciate what he has. He always wants another toy, even if he just got something 10 minutes ago. It seems like he's always taking and not giving, but his generosity at the store and for Toys for Tots proved to me that he does understand on some level at least that it's not always about him, and he does think of others.

  We do most of our talks in the car these days. It's when I have his undivided attention, unless it's snowing outside, and it's when we talk about almost everything in a serious manner.
   He asked why some houses were lit-up and some weren't. I told him not everyone put lights outside and then I added, not everyone celebrates the same way. Some people celebrate other holidays and that's okay.

   It's hard keeping it on a 5-year-old level without missing the meaning entirely. Nixon's been really great this year and has been asking a lot of questions. He also helped me decorate the tree! And picked where we'd hang our stockings this year.

.....And he sat with Santa, of course!

Coming to a classroom near you?? No, but I am going to be a room parent in Nixon's class tomorrow.....

   Good thing I just refilled my Prozac, because I have a feeling that spending the morning with almost 30 four and five-year-old kids will be amping my anxiety to the nth degree.
   Tomorrow is Halloween but it's Thursday which isn't a normal school day for Nixon, his class is doing a Halloween parade and he is allowed to go, we were given 2 choices: a) he could go Thursday and have it take the place of Friday (his usual school day) or b) I could stay and be a room parent for the day.
   I chose the later option. I get to stay and enjoy Nixon's first school Halloween event?!? Hell yeah I'll be there!

   But there's another reason I want to be there. Nixon's still saying he's having issues with a boy in his class but his teachers aren't witnessing anything. Monday Nixon had a small bruise on his face but neither of his teachers mentioned what happened and Nixon was in the middle of a meltdown when we picked him up.

   So what should I expect as a room parent? I have no idea! His class is always loud, full of energized kids and tomorrow they'll be in costumes enjoying the Halloween festivities! I think the hardest part I'll be facing is letting the teachers handle Nixon and not deal with him myself. I'm on their turf and need to let them do their job.

   Most of all, I'm grateful I have the ability to go to school with Nixon for a day. It hasn't been easy, my being home for the last almost-5 years, but there are perks. This is one of those perks. Soon enough I'll be going back to work but for now, I'm enjoying these moments as they happen.

   In other news, today was Nixon's first school picture day. I took a couple practice photos of him at home, so he knew what would be expected of him at school as we've never really done posed photos before with him.

before school cutie pic. he picked out the tie himself!

Happy (early) Halloween!

Happy Halloween, from my little brony family!
(I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, Nixon is Pinkie Pie and Mac is Big Macintosh)

Hmmm....how to explain an eviction to a 4-year-old because of a scene he witnessed in our neighborhood?

   There are some things I'd like to not have to discuss with Nixon. Things that he shouldn't even have to worry about at his young age, not things that I find uncomfortable to talk about because the reality is there's very little I won't talk about with Nixon when asked.

    Today, Nixon and I had a breakfast date planned. We got up, dressed and were ready to go...I mean, in the car leaving, when I saw something that didn't look right happening in our subdivision. I normally go out of my way to avoid getting involved in matters that don't concern my, unless someone or an animal is being harmed. Today that was not the case, but I got involved none-the-less.
   I saw 3 vehicles, including a truck with a large trailer filled with what looked like trash, taking items from the vehicles and placing on a large and growing pile just about 5 yards from my backyard and less than 3 feet from an immediate neighbors yard. I know our home owners association is a stickler for a neat and tidy appearance of the neighborhood and this was an eye sore to me, I can't imagine what they'd say if any of the board members saw it.
   Even though I had Nixon in the car with me, I stopped. I told Nixon I was only going to be a couple minutes and I went to find out what the frack was going on, because to me it looked like a bunch of random people dumping shit in the subdivision.

    I'll skip the boring part: It turns out it was an eviction, served by the sheriff's department. According to Maryland law, personal property of an eviction notice served may be left on the curb for up to 48 hours. Or something like that. I actually called the county police because while there was a sheriff's car, I saw no sheriff in the area of the trash being piled/dumped. I took Nixon with me for that, because I wasn't comfortable leaving him and walking more than the 5 feet I'd walked to inquire about the dumping. Nixon says, quite loudly, "Hey you guys are making a big mess! You need to clean it up, right now!", as we were walking to find the sheriff.

    The end result of all this? The following conversation with Nixon:
Nixon: Mommy, why were those people making a mess and leaving all that stuff on the ground?
me: Well....it seems the person who owned the house had to get the people living in the house to move out because they were not being good somehow.
Nixon: Like they were talking back?
me: *laughs* No, not like that. They were adult naughty. Something happened and the courts decided that they can't live there anymore.
Nixon: So they can't take their things?
me: No, it looks like they're being petty by making that mess. They seem to act like they're already naughty so their going to be even more naughty.
Nixon: Oh....I don't get it.
me: Okay, let's try this: If you were to hit me, and I sent you to your room for hitting me, would coloring your walls with crayon be a good idea or bad idea?
Nixon: Oh, I don't hit you Mommy. It makes you sad. And it's naughty.
me: I know, and I'm glad you know that. But would coloring on your walls be good?
Nixon: No. That'd be really naughty!
me: Okay, I'm glad you understand that baby. Those people are basically doing a grown up coloring on the walls by leaving that mess.
Nixon: That's not nice. It looks ugly!

    At breakfast, I made sure Nixon understood that we're not going to get forced out of the house. It seemed like something was bothering him and I was pretty sure he thought we might get evicted because he didn't fully understand. I told him that we are good people and we make sure we're paying out bills on-time so we don't have reason to lose our house.
    Once we talked about that, he was much better and we had a wonderful morning together.

Sometimes you have to stop and really listen to kids....and then hide your tears while you wipe away theirs.

    For the past week or so, Nixon has been saying he doesn't want to go to school, that he wants to stay home. He'll fight with me about getting dressed for school, going to bed the night before school and even one day he refused to get up for school (he eventually did get up, but it was a slow morning for him from the get-go). It's so strange because as soon as he gets into his classroom, he's happy and ready for school, saying "hi" to everyone. Even when I pick him up, his teachers tell me he had a good day no tantrums and was participating.

   This morning, Mac was home and helping getting Nixon ready. I was upstairs, attempting to do my hair and failing epically, while listening to the "battle" ensuing downstairs. Finally, I'd had enough. Nixon was crying, Mac was frustrated and I needed to know what was really going on.
   What's really going on is Nixon doesn't feel safe at school. He told me there's a boy in a red sweatshirt that is mean to him. He picks on him, says mean things and throws things at him. Nixon tells me he didn't want to have the "mean boy" be not nice to him and he'd stay home with me instead.

   How do you deal when your 4-year old feels unsafe?
   What's the right reaction?
   And how do you assure him while trying to calm the rage building deep in your own soul at the thought that your child is not safe at school?

   I held Nixon. I gave him hugs, and kisses, and I reminded him that he can always always, tell Mac and I when something like this happens. I told him that we are his voice when he's scared and our job is to make sure he's safe even when he's not with us. I made sure he knew we'd talk to his teachers and he can talk to them too, because they want him to be safe in class as well.

   We took him to school, and the 3 of us held hands walking to his classroom today. Nixon's teachers weren't busy, we were there a little early, so I was able to mention the concerns and issues we were having at home. While I was doing that, Nixon showed Mac the boy he says is being mean to him, and Mac in turned showed him to the teachers. I'll be honest, I've seen this child mock Nixon before and I'm not sure if it was a mean-spirited mocking or just kids being kids mocking.  
   The teachers are aware of it now, and have promised to keep an eye on both kids. Now I realize, Nixon hasn't been in a classroom setting before and there is an adjustment period, so he may not be used to kids playing and goofing around, but if he's genuinely being bullied in preschool there's something wrong with that and I'll stand up for my child as long as I feel he feels he's unsafe. If it means I have to ask to be in the office and monitor the class video feed for a day, I will do that. I will not let my child feel like he's on his own when he's just starting school!

   We'll see how it goes. I hope as Nixon gets more comfortable and used to the kids, he'll handle the situations better and be able to handle some conflicts on his own. BUT, I'm also trying to help him realize any kind of bullying is wrong and he should stand up to it. Even if it's not happening to him, he should stand up or stand by other children being picked on as well and not join in the picking on to fit in.

   It's hell that I'm having to help him navigate this at 4-years-old. He's not even in school full-time yet! I'm scared for today's youth....it starts so early.

Somehow this wonderful, kind, friendly, caring, funny and loving kid came from my body and has my genes in him. I don't know what happened to me, well I do but that's not important...Thank gods I have Nixon to redeem my faith in humanity.

   Ever have a moment when you just look at your kid and wonder where he came from? Yeah, me too...all the time.
    Today Mac had an appointment at Walter Reed Medical Center today. Since he's been working so much lately and we've missed him, Nixon and I went with him. Walter Reed is also where a lot of our wounded soldiers are treated.

   Nixon and I were sitting off in a quiet area while Mac signed in. (I should add before people start getting crazy: Mac is not wounded. He was there to get seen for his wickedly flat feet, and get custom insoles for them. He's been in for 19 years, these things happen. He is in most other ways, totally fine. His mental stability is suspect, but that's mostly because we've been together for 7 years and I rub off on the sanest of people in less time and smaller doses.) Nixon was people watching, something he enjoys but always has questions about. He first saw a guy with crutches and said "Why does that guy have sticks with him?". I explained crutches and the use of his indoor voice. Next he saw a double amputee with prosthetics on a Segway. Nixon says "Mommy, look that's so cool! That guy is standing and on wheels! Look how fast he's going." Did I drop the ball because I didn't overly explain the situation? Maybe, but at the same time, Nixon wasn't afraid of anyone and he wasn't seeing these heroes as "different". He was looking at them in awe.
    A little later we were getting ready to walk around for a bit. There's only so long that he'll sit still before he needs to get up and move. As I was gathering my bag, Nixon smiled and waved at a young boy in a wheelchair that went by and said "hi". He kept moving, but his dad said "hi" back to Nixon and smiled. When we were coming back from our walk, Nixon saw the boy again and again smiled and said "hi". This time the little boy said "hi" back. His dad said they had to hurry to go pick up his legs. It was only then that I noticed he was missing both legs. Nixon? Never noticed. To Nixon he saw a kid and said "hi", like he always does.
 
   The only cringe worthy moment was when he and I were walking behind a guy with a cane and an ankle brace. Nixon says "Mommy, what's wrong with him?". I try to be very tactful and say "Well baby, it looks like he has a cane to help him keep his balance and a brace on his ankle, probably for an owie of some kind." Nixon says "Well, what happened?" Oy, really kid?!?! I say "Well, I don't think he did it on purpose, it was probably an accident of some kind. But he seems to be recovering, which is always good when owies heal." and Nixon says, as we pass the guy who stopped at a coffee shop, "I hope you feel better soon!"

   I am in awe of the kind and friendly child I'm somehow responsible for raising. I just want to keep him this pure and wonderful for as long as possible. Because right now he is perfect, just the way he is.