I'm lazy...so another installment of random conversations with Nixon it is!

...brought to you by: facebook, where all my short and random conversations with Nixon begin.

August 25th: I can't wait for fall! Pumpkin patches, leaves turning, cool air, HOODIES!!, and best of all: Halloween!!Nixon said tonight he wants to be Iron Man. That's MY boy!! So I'm thinking: Iron Man, War Machine and Pepper Potts family costumes. Too much??? (yes I'll need a wig, but Halloween is all about dressing up, yo!!)
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August 28th: Nixon hardly ever has nightmares....I'm thinking it might be a growth spurt in the works. That seems to be when his nightmares happen the most. (He woke up screaming "I need to grow bigger! I need be bigger NOW!")
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August 29th: (after a first-thing-in-the-morning vomit)
Nixon: Mommy, may I have more please?me: More what, honey?
Nixon: more in my tummy
me: More toast?
Nixon: Yes, please. May I have more please?
me: Nixon, I want to make sure you aren't going to get sick again.
Nixon: But mommy, my tummy is fine *points to his tummy* See?
me: I know Nixon, but I don't want you getting sick again.
Nixon: But mommy, my tummy is fine. More toast please?
Guess who's getting more toast?

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And finally, we have today's Nixon conversation jem:
Nixon (talking about Jack-Franny's 102lb great dane PUPPY!!! 9 months old tomorrow guys): Jack's gotta go potty
me: yes, Jack has to go out and go potty
Nixon: so water will come out his peenie
me: Yes Nixon, water will come out his peenie
Nixon: and poo comes out his butt!! (he yells this and laughs)

"Fix it now, Mom!"

  My mother-in-law has been visiting for a week. It's been great! She cooks awesome food! She and my brother-in-law watched Nixon for a night out with Mac. I even got a haircut, and therein lies the story I'm about to tell you.

   At 930am on Saturday I looked like this:          

  When I came home at 11am, this was my new look:


















   Nixon was out with Mac and his family when I got home, and he was crashed out asleep when they got home and then everyone was napping. When Nixon finally saw me and my new hair....it didn't go well.

Nixon: Mommy, your hair!
me: I know, it's all gone, do you like it?
Nixon: NO! Mom you have to fix it now!
me: Nixon, you don't like my hair short?
Nixon: No mommy, you need to fix it! It not good!

   Everyone else loves it. My son? Hated it!

**he's coming around. He told me today he thought it was lovely!

because some days, I need to be more than just "Mom"

   Never have I been so happy to return to my home! I value and appreciate my home, family, cats, bed and coffee marker so much more after last week. Sure, Nixon can get loud and crazy, but it's one loud and crazy kid vs 2 plus a giant puppy. 

   During my week there, my best friend Claire asked me to join her for a 10k run in October. It hardly took any time or convincing for me to agree to do it. I need a goal and this will get me some one-on-one time with Claire. Sure, we'll be running with hundreds or a couple thousand people, but we'll be side-by-side for the whole run! It won't be like our days bar hopping together, or searching for a liquor store that was opened in Virginia, or even hanging out in the barracks getting drunk but we're mothers now, I guess something had to change right?

   Speaking of being a mom, I've lost a lot of myself since becoming a mom. I don't have as much (any) free time these days. I spend days with Nixon and Mac, but not so much doing things for me. I haven't gotten a haircut I paid for since Nixon was 2 months old! That's over 3.5 years ago! I'd rather spend money on things for Nixon than on myself. 
   I'm not even working any more. This is tough. I've had to adjust to not leaving the house alone and I've had almost no adult interactions, excluding Mac of course. 

   So, I've started being for me again. First, this run. I'm training 5-6 days a week for it. There's nothing to benefit Nixon, well maybe a healthier and slimmer mommy, in this. Second, I'm planning a serious haircut. Third, I'm doing things just for me. Last night and today, I finished making comic heels. I bought some sexy platform heels, and I ModPodge'd comic book photos onto the shoes. They look awesome! And are incredibly HOTT looking. They're geeky, sexy, shoes and I love em! Next project is a cover for my kindle. More ModPodge, exacto knife fun! (And another comic book cannibalism project)

   My mother-in-law is coming next week, to stay for a week. My brother-in-law will be staying for the weekend. It's going to be great seeing them again. Plus, with Nana here Mac and I may finally get a real date night! 

the right shoe...AWE-some!

Things I've learned during my week as a "mom of 2"

This blog is a little premature, as my week with Peanut doesn't end until the 2nd, but I've learned some things while having 2 kids in my care.


First, moms of multiple children must have a hidden supply of wine. I'm serious. If your house sounded like "my" house this week, and you're still sane, you must be drunk! I don't know how *you* do it with more than one kid. This weekend, I woke up not wanting a cup of coffee but craving a glass of wine...at 7am! It's not normal for me to want something besides coffee in the morning. 


Speaking of coffee, I've had no fewer than 3 cups a day, since last week. The fact that I had to sneak a cup before speaking to the kids, just so I don't snap because my internal coffee tank is on 'E', is not something I'm proud of but it was a fact none-the-less. 


The whining....it's CONTAGIOUS?!?!? Nixon's not a big whiner, but he is screechy. I know he can be annoying, but Peanut would whine about something not being exactly what she wanted and Nixon would start whining over her, and about NOTHING! And with whining comes her evil twin sister, pouting! Nixon doesn't pout. He fake cries, which I will say is annoying, but he's not a real pouter. Peanut? She's a professional pouter, right down to the silent treatment when she doesn't get her way. Is it a girl thing??


Not all kids respond to my dry sarcasm, apparently. Nixon will laugh or ignore me. Peanut would try to reason with me, when I'm not being serious, which eventually would lead to the aforementioned pouting. 


No toy is as good as the one someone else has....including drooled on dog toys! Gross, but there were arguments over dog toys.


Someone is always "right", but they don't always accept it or care. 


Singing in the car, or house, might lead to a screaming match in the backseat. Peanut likes to sing. Nixon likes me singing to him. Nixon does not like anyone else singing. Poor Peanut would just start a song and Nixon would be yelling for her to stop. She'd start whining that she was just singing and Nixon would yell louder for her to "Be quiet! Stop singing!". I did eventually get him to ask her politely to stop singing, but I'm sure I fucked up that whole situation. She's a cute singer, Dream Lights commercial being her go-to song of choice this week, and since I sing nonsense songs ALL the time I'm not one to silence any one's singing. But I can not drive safely with 2 kids going to war in the backseat! (How do you teach a child tolerance?)


If you tell a child he can't do something, he wants to do it more. Peanut goes to daycare full-time. Dropping her off meant taking Nixon into the school with us and then forcing him to leave all the cool, "new" to him toys behind, untouched. This....did not go over well. Yes, I do think its time to find a daycare or preschool for Nixon but until we find one we can afford, I'm the mom with the screaming child leaving the daycare in the morning. 


Kids, even accidental temporary siblings, can make you want to pull out your hair one minute and cry the next. Instead of an off/on switch, I'm pretty sure these two have a love/hate switch. From whining and tattling one minute, to hugging and holding each other's hands the next. Amazingly adorable!!


You can't please all the kids some of the time....or is it you please none of the kids all the time? I was not making the right choices, according to one of them most of the time. From dinner choices to who gets to choose a tv show. someone was almost certainly going to be pouting. 




Most importantly, my attention span isn't big enough for 2 kids! I can't focus on multiple voices plus complete another task, at the same time.   


So moms of multiples, I tip my hat to you and humbly say: You are better women than I. I'm doing this gig for a limited time only, you do it full-time! Please, feel free to vent about your kids....I get it now! And I promise, I won't judge you. 

...and then I growled at my child

I love Nixon. Actually, I adore him more than life itself. Most days.

But he has this new and horrible habit of stealing my coffee cup and drinking it when I'm not looking. It's a dangerous habit. Not because I add anything that would be harmful for him, to my coffee but because he's stealing my coffee!

This morning he was doing he usual, sneaky coffee stealing tricks. Until I caught him and took my cup back.
Then he came over, while I was drinking my coffee, and took the cup out of my mouth! OH HELL NO!!!! There are very few times I am speechless.
This was one of them.
I recovered, quickly.
I growled at him! I literally growled at Nixon.
Mac, sitting over at his table, said to Nixon "Nix, don't make mommy growl at you".
I said to Nixon "Nixon, stop stealing my coffee while I'm drinking it! I love you, but I love you more after I've had my coffee."
Nixon says "It not warm mommy"
It's not a good argument. He usually says my coffee is not hot, it's warm and since it's warm he can drink it.

Maybe if he drinks more coffee he'll stop growing so much??? A mom can dream can't she?!?!?

Insomnia induced musings

Do you ever sneak into your child's room, late at night, and sit on the floor next to their bed just watching them sleep? Yeah, me neither.

But for the sake of argument, let's say I am that mom. Do you know what I think about, gazing at the sleeping child smiling in his sleep as I stroke his cheek? I listen to his breathing, his sweet voice murmuring about his dreams. I watch him grasp his teddy bear and curl up on his left side, right leg stretched out with his foot off the bed. I watch his eyelids flutter chasing things unseen to my eyes but what must be vivid  dreams behind those long lashes. I kiss his forehead, stroking his hair, and tell him once, twice, a thousand times "I love you" because the nights I do this are the nights I feel I failed him somehow during the day and didn't tell him those three words enough while he was awake.

I think to myself, sometimes aloud to him, how amazingly perfect my son is. He's the single best thing I've done in my 33 years on this planet and I can't fathom a life without him in it. I sometimes think, gazing at his slumbering form, that he's a dream I'm in and will be gone when I wake up in the morning. I lean over to smell his hair, knowing if it is a dream that's the scent I'll search for forever to hold in my arms again. He's the sun, moon, stars and everything in my universe. And oh how I fear he'll be gone one day. It's an irrational fear, I know, but the nights I need to be there watching him sleep, I'm not rational most times.

I wonder if my parents ever do that. Do they hold tight the memories of my sleeping childhood? Do they, like me, wish things were different somehow?

It's awkward being around my parents. They're almost strangers to me, while other family members are much closer. I see my parents and I can't quite reach them. They're in the same room as me but I'm searching for them still.
I remember my dad used to be my world. Then, something happened and the man I knew and loved and worshiped just disappeared. In his place? An angry, ugly, sad man who couldn't love anything around him and destroyed almost every relationship he had with anyone beyond all repair. The day it happened, the day that loving, kind and caring dad left me, I never thought I'd get over.

I looked for that kind of all consuming love, for decades. It haunted me to want to love like that and I forced myself to overlook flaws, just so I could have that love. It was fake, of course, I realize that now. I lied and pretended so much, that I really believed I'd found it. With a boy. I swore I'd love forever.
Then he left me, leaving behind in his place, a wounded and hurting and spiteful man. Wielding my love for him against me like a boomerang. He'd throw it at me and use it against me to get me to do things for him, forcing me to sacrifice my own goals and dreams to help him further his own, rewarding my sacrifices with insulting words and degrading actions. Still I held on hoping his love would come back. When it didn't....
I ran from him.
I ran from everyone I knew and loved. I needed space to find myself.

I found that love, for real this time. The day I felt my child stir in my womb for the first time. It was my 29th birthday and I was just starting really show the bump of pregnancy. Lying calmly at night, curled up in my husband's arms, I'd felt the first nudging from within. Even better, I got to share it with "Squishy*"'s dad, since he was there with me that exact moment.
The moment all other loves I'd thought I had finally paled in comparison and I realized I was carrying my truest love with me that moment. I love my husband for everything he does and is in my life, but I adore my son!
As crazy as he makes me, with his constant almost mindless tantrums and his insane amount of energy and his lightening quick frustration over the smallest things, I would do anything for him.

My son, my sleeping wonderment of silence, my greatest accomplishment, my reason for wanting to build a home where ever our family goes, my heart, soul and whole being now begins and ends with his smile.

I wonder if, years from now, when he's yelling at me telling me I'm ruining his life, will I still feel this way for him? Will it go away with time or get stronger? Does he have any idea that he really is my most favorite thing in this world? I tell him, he's my favorite, but does he understand that concept?? To have a favorite? He has a favorite teddy bear, but over time he learned we had more than one of them for him. He always knew when he had the original one though. Does he know he's my original love?

Does any of this make sense to anyone else?
Am I rambling because I'm tired or tired because of my ramblings?

*Squishy was the only name we told the family before Nixon was born. We knew the name was going to be met with opinions so to avoid the inevitable name choices being tossed our way, we dubbed baby boy "Squishy". Some people pouted over not knowing the name (Marsha....cough, cough.......) and others fully embraced Squishy. A few people may have even been concerned that Squishy wasn't just a nickname and we were going to somehow actually name our child Squishy on his birth certificate. We didn't because we always knew he'd be our Nixon.

more silliness from a 3-year old

I swear some days Nixon just amazes me. Every minute of the day he has the potential to make me laugh, cry or both at the same time. 


We watched Ice Age last night. After Mac went to bed. Just the two of us, snuggled on the couch. Nixon LOVES "dinosaurs" as he calls all things Ice Age franchise related. The first one isn't as warm and fuzzy as the movies that follow it. It's got some sad parts. Near the end of the movie, the neanderthals are searching for the baby and Manny shows up with the baby. It's a real tear-jerking scene. Damned thing gets me every time! 
It also got Nixon! In the cutest, most "manly" way ever...
me: Nixon, are you okay? (I see his lip is quivering and eyes are getting shiny)
Nixon: No mommy, its sad! The baby and the daddy are together....it's so....AWWWW!
me: Nixon, it's okay to cry when your happy. I do, a lot.
Nixon: *stiff upper lip* I not sad mommy. The baby and the daddy are together! It's good.
me: Nixon, movies sometimes make you cry and you don't know why. It's because its a good movie, right?
Nixon: Mom, the movie...I not sad over the movie *wipes his eyes because he's got real tears now* I'm sad no Popsicle before bed!
me: You're crying because I said no Popsicle before bed, at the beginning of the movie?!?! Really, Nixon??
Nixon: Popsicles are yummy, mommy. 
me: Yeah, I know. Are you sure your okay? The movie's not over yet.
Nixon: *Diego just appeared on screen* MOM, it's the lion! He came back! AWWWWW....*sniffles* I so happy!
me: Nixon, you are a mess, just like your mom!
Nixon: *kisses my cheek* I know, mommy.


It's amazing that at his age, he's developing empathy enough to cry at the end of a movie and even more amazing is he covers it up with a really silly excuse! I love this kid, I truly do. 
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We're still ass deep in boxes here. Trying to get everything in order because my mother-in-law will more than likely be here for a visit in less than a month. I'm actually really excited for her visit, because I can't wait to see her and Nixon together. He already love her so much! Whenever were on the phone, he says "I talk to Nana now", even if we're not talking to her. Earlier this week, he asked to call her twice! Then he'll walk around the house on the phone blabbing to her about his day. The best part is when he thrusts the phone in the direction of something that he's really excited about and says "See, Nana!??" like she is there with him instead of on the phone! He's so adorable! 


Back to the unpacking.....


Because of the unpacking, things get strewn all over the place. Today, Nixon found one of my bras underneath pillows on the sofa. I'm going to say, possibly from folding laundry, it how it got there. I turn to see him pulling up his shirt, and trying to fasten the bra around his chest. 


me: Nixon, why are you trying to put on my bra?
Nixon: I needs to hide my nipples mommy. 
me: Hide your nipples?
Nixon: Yeah, like you do.


Oy vey! Really, I need to (a) stop getting dressed in front of Nixon or (b) make sure Nixon knows the difference between my nipples and his nipples. He does not need a bra! Hell, let's be honest, I barely need a bra! I totally adore my son! 


He tends to be such a mini-me, in far more ways than I had ever imagined he could be!