Thursday, March 22, 2012

Shh...be wery,wery qwiet. I spy a DRAMA LLAMA!!!

  Well, seems the Drama Llamas have been a little on the quiet and subdued side lately, right? Have no fear, I found a new one today! 
   I give you: Judgmental, eye-rolling, tongue-clicking, mouth-moving when reading, kid-walking-into, middle-aged bitty, Drama Llama!!


   Nixon and I went to the base mall today after checking mail. I am in serious get-me-the-fuck-out-of-Okinawa mode, and part of that requires getting Nixon excited and keeping him excited about the next stage of his life: moving to Maryland. I've promised him a countdown to our plane ride home, but without a travel date I can't come through on that promise. I decided today...the hell with a travel date, I'm giving Nixon his damned countdown! I bought a bunch of stickers for the countdown board and even managed to find some airplane stickers. SCORE! 
   I thought I was in the clear, heading to the registers, having distracted Nixon from asking for a car by getting him some stickers of his own. And I was right, until he realized we were actually LEAVING the store without getting him a car. 
enter screeching child here
   I got him out of the mall and we were heading to the car, walking behind 4 adults meandering and one woman, in particular, kept turning around and tossing Nixon (who was not screaming but was whimpering and asking for "just one car mommy....I need a have one car") a disgusted look. It might have been pity for him having such an evil mother, but either way it wasn't friendly and she was obviously annoyed that we were "following" her group. 
    We reach the parking lot and cross, away from the group and nasty eye, even though it meant we were a little further from the car. Well, hell if we don't get the car and find nasty eye and her other lady friend standing directly behind MY car, reading my bumper sticker. How do I know she was reading it? I was less than 3 feet from her, her body was shifted towards her friend and therefore towards me, and...she reads with her mouth moving! UGGGGGG! (sorry if that offends anyone, but that was just icing on the bitch cake for me)
   The bumper sticker that they were both so intent on reading, they didn't hear me come up behind them or hear me say "Excuse me" as I walked past them to unlock the car or apparently see Nixon as nasty eye almost tripped over him as he was holding my hand trying to get around me when she finally notice me walking by car to put Nixon into his carseat, says: 
If you don't like gay marriage, 
blame the straight people.
They're the ones who keep having 
the gay babies.

   I'm going to go out on a limb and say neither of these Drama Llamas are gay marriage supporters nor do they have a sense of humor about the subject. Nasty eye clicked her tongue, shook her head and said "oh, okaayy" and head tilted in my direction as she and her friend walked away from my car. 

  Now, if Nixon wasn't with me, I damned sure would've asked that bitch what the hell her problem was! I mean, the bumper sticker is pure and simple common sense. It still takes egg and sperm to make a baby, right? So that means it's still the straights who are having the babies, right? It is not in any way, shape or form a reflection of my parenting skills, am I wrong?? I mean, unless somehow my sense of humor and gay marriage support is causing Nixon to act out and rebel because deep down he is against it but can't tell me that yet. Then of course, that would mean he can read and understand the bumper sticker and I'm going to say since the whole issue with him was over my not buying him a car and NOT over the bumper sticker on the car...OhMyGoddess that's it!! I've discovered why Nixon is constantly asking for "one car". It's not because he likes cars, like Mac and I have always thought. It's because he's trying to find one that isn't tainted with his mother's crazy, left way of thinking, gay-is-okay, live and let live, hippy bullshit feeling! Nixon is trying to tell us, using cars, that he...supports Mitt Romney!!!!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not my baby!!! Anything but my baby!!

Okay, now back to the subject at hand, since it seems this particular Drama Llama comes with a severe case a self-inflicted delusions and toddler conspiracy theories.   

In other random family news; Nixon now pees standing up. He taught himself how to do it, without even letting me know. No cheerio targets for him. Nope, he just gets on his tiptoes and lets it all flow! I swear, just when I think I couldn't love him any more, he does something amazing and simplistic like peeing standing up, and I become a big weepy pile of mommy goo all over again.

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