Being an aunt is pretty awesome too

Going through some old blogs I found this:
"...and all that has me wishing for simpler times. Times when snow meant getting bundled up and going outside with friends for hours. When sledding down a hill was all I wanted to do for an entire day. Snowball wars and snow angels made everything better. When a sled full of friends meant I was loved. A rosy pink nose made me giggle when I went inside to warm up... yeah NOW i know it was probably frostbite, but then I knew it meant I'd had a good day. Now I hate the cold, hate dumbasses driving in the snow, hate getting bundled up and can't remember the last time I went sledding.
I visited home in November '05 for a family emergency. I met my sister and my nephew for lunch. It was snowing just enough to stick on surfaces but not the road. That day I taught my nephew the joy of snowballs. Actually I taught him how to take a pile of snow in your hand and throw it yelling "Snowball!". That was the last time (before Mac's intro to snow a couple of weeks ago), that I clearly remember what snow really meant. Seeing the joy in A's face as he pelted my sister and I with "snowball"s was all it took to remember. When I finally have a kid I will definitely want to see that same joy in his or her face. But that's a long way down the road....." (written feb '07)

   A little over 8 years later and I was doing exactly that: watching my son enjoy the snow for the very first time. And I was right there with him! I may not be a full-time, always there-for-you aunt but I adore all my nieces and nephews, by blood or by choice. 

   

...he's listening and paying attention to the important things I say too!

   Yesterday Nixon had his 4-year check-up with his new pediatrician, who we had been hearing was an awesome doctor in the area. Nixon weighed in at 38.3 pounds (admittedly he was wearing a few layers due to the cold weather) and is now 42.5 inches tall! Look at him grow!

   The nurse was great, very good with Nixon while attempting to administer the hearing test (which did not go very well. There's no issue with his hearing, he just didn't grasp the concept of the test) and his eye exam. He rocked the eye exam, even said "Arrr...I'm a pirate like this" as he covered his one eye for the exam! Yeah, he is too damned cute, right??
   She told Nixon to get down to his undies and wait for the doctor. When the doctor came in and started the exam, he first introduced himself to Nixon and shook Nixon's hand. Nixon shook the doctor's hand properly, told the doctor "I'm Nixon" and answered "I'm 4" and showed a hand with 4 fingers up to the doctor.
   If you don't have a boy, you may not know that doctor's check boy's testicles at check ups. Mac and I have been frequently telling Nixon, no one is allowed to look at him without his undies on or touch his peenie. I forgot about his check-up, so when the doctor asked him to pull his undies down for a moment Nixon said very loudly "But mommy says I can't let anyone look at my peenie without my undies on!" I assured him it was okay, because I was in the room with him. Our new doctor was impressed, telling Nixon he's a good boy for speaking up and telling him that. He also said Nixon's dad and I are doing a good job because most kids Nixon's age don't know that, let alone actually say it in the right circumstances.
  Super proud mommy, table of one, your table is now ready!

  The only other news I got at the check-up was a referral for an ENT about Nixon's speech. His new doctor does see that he is still tongue tied and feels that the ENT specialist will do a good job helping us decide if we should clip the area for the sake of Nixon's speech or not. I'll be calling Monday to make an appointment with the ENT and move forward with this.
  Nixon's visit ended with 4 shots and he took them like a champ. A few tears, a couple gummy lifesavers and a kiss from me was all it took for him to survive those shots.

I close this post with a snowy photo of Nixon and I together. Our first snow day together since...well, ever! 

The saddest day as a mom so far

   Every mom knows there comes a day their child will say something just to hurt them. I never expected to hear it come out of my precious 4-year old's mouth, but I knew I wouldn't be the only mom on earth to not hear it.

   Tonight, after Nixon's shower and after he was told it was bedtime, Nixon turned to me and said "I don't like you, Mommy." Simple as that, not hate-fueled, just very matter-of-factually in the same sweet tone he uses to say "i love you". I was shocked, I was hurt, I was heart-broken. What I was not, was angry. Anger wasn't going to get me anywhere in this situation.
   We stayed in my bed for a minute longer, while Nixon continued to profess his "bossy" ways. I told him, very quietly and calmly, that his words hurt my heart a lot and they made me very sad. I didn't force an apology out of him, I didn't yell or do anything really. I was just very hurt, and shocked, that he said that to me over something he knew was coming! I make sure I give him advance warning on bedtime.

  He brushes his teeth, gets onto his bed and sits there.
He says to me, very quietly while he's fidgeting with his BeBe, "Mommy, I sorry I was bossy."
I say to him "Nixon, I'm used to you being bossy. That's part of you being 4, being a little boy. What made me sad, made my heart sad was when you said you don't like me."
Nixon said "I was only being bossy."
I replied, "Nixon, that wasn't bossy baby. That was very mean."
I gave him a kiss on the forehead and started tucking him into bed. Nixon puts his hand on my cheek and says "Mommy, I'm sorry I hurt your heart. I love you. Your my best friend."
I tell him "Thank you for apologizing baby. I love you too! You are my favorite baby boy!"

  I know he's going to say things to hurt me as he gets older. I said far worst things to my parents, but to be fair my parents were far worst parents than Mac and I are to Nixon, while I was growing up. I hope this is as bad as it gets.

broke my heart and made it better, just by using that little mouth of his. 

The more serious side of parenthood

    I'm spending the weekend with my best friend F. She's moving to California at the end of the month and we scheduled a special girls weekend for this weekend. The thing is, like most things in life, it didn't exactly go as planned.

   Without going into details, I ended up being in the right place to help F through something really rough. Then I had to try to explain it to her daughter without scaring it.


It ended up sounding like this:

   "Your mom is a little emotional right now. You know how, after you have a bad fall and scrape your knee, the first couple days it's really tender and sensitive? Well, your mom's heart is like that right now. Her heart is really raw and tender. She just wants to not talk about it because talking about it makes her think about it and that's like poking a new scab on a fresh scrape. It doesn't feel good right? She'll be okay, just today is like the first day her heart is hurt."

  It helped both of them, her daughter got an explanation for her mom's mood and her mom didn't have to face this meltdown alone. F and I had some good girl time earlier in the day. We went to breakfast, got facials (Ah-mazing!), came home, I had a nice nap and then the meltdown episode happened.

   In the end, my humor helped cheer F up...or at least make her laugh long enough to feel better for a little bit. That's what best friends are for, right?

fancy free and child-free weekend plans

  The best part about moving home from Okinawa was being an hour away from one of my two best friends. It's turned out to be the best thing for both of us, like when F needed me to care for Peanut whole she went out of town for work. It's hard having a job that requires traveling and a single mom, unless you have wicked awesome friends who you trust like family and can take over temporary parenting duties while your gone. Living an hour away allowed me to be that person for her, which allowed Peanut to stay in her own home while her mom was away.
   It also afforded me to be there for some rough nights, when F just needed a friend...even if my in-laws were here visiting. My best friend was hurting and I was finally close enough to help her, so I went and helped. I was even there for a week taking care of her and Peanut as they battled the flu. That wasn't why I was originally there, F was supposed to be going out of town, but the flu kicked her in the teeth and made it impossible for her to leave, so Nixon and I stayed and I made sure they were taken care of.

   The worst part of being in the military is, you're almost never in the same place for more than a three to four years. F's time in Maryland is coming to an end and she's going (back) to California. Yep, we just got back together, all three of us (C is living in North Carolina just 5 hours away) on the same coast and it was too short lived. At the end of the month, F is on her way to sunny California.

   Tonight begins my last weekend with her. I'm "ditching" Nixon (I'm leaving him with Mac for the weekend) and I'm spending time with my girl. I'm not sure when I'm see her again after this, but we're going to make this weekend count. Spa trip for facials (if that falls through we're doing spa day at her house), wine, girl talk, even some totally child-free one-on-one time.
   I'm going to miss the hell out of her! But tonight, this weekend, is all about making memories and spending time together, not goodbyes.

   I love you, F.

I swear he's never seen Ace Ventura...that I know of.

Moms, you'll all know exactly what I deal with when I say: I never get to go to the bathroom alone! If it's not Nixon suddenly needing me, it's my cat scratching the door and mewing like someone is trying to eat her!

Yesterday, Mac was at work, so in an effort to avoid the usual *knock, knock* games, I left the door open. Nixon was quiet for a bit so I was understandably concern. That concern quickly turned to laughing my ass almost right off the toilet, when Nixon suddenly did a drive-by the bathroom door...completely naked!

He did a few laps before stopping outside the bathroom, bending over and smacking his butt saying "Mommy, my butt is talking to you....not farts!" It wasn't crude but it was just such a boy thing to do! He had me cracking up!

It's not just Nixon invading my bathroom time. Last night, while I took a super relaxing hot bath, Amber sat on the side of the tub watching me. At one point she dipped her paw in the water! I honestly thought she was going to fall in and I was going to get the skin scratched off of me. She was good and just wanted to be near me, which is odd for her, because last week I was the devil in her eyes.

This morning he says to me "Trust me, mommy, I'll clean you messy kitchen. You look good cooking", he was using the broom on the floor, while I was making pancakes. He was trying to clean up a single drip of batter on the floor. I'm not a super messy cook, though apparently, Nixon would disagree with that statement. 

I'm not sure how I ever laughed before Nixon and his antics, but I'm pretty sure I never laughed as hard as I do these days!

It's time to start contributing....

   I'm talking about me..contributing to the family finances. Whew, I bet a lot of you thought I was going to start asking for money, didn't you?!?! Nope, not going down that road.

    In addition to Mac and I ebaying a massive amount of comic books, action figures and other figurines I've decided I'm going to reopen my etsy.com store and give in to my crafty side and sell some shit! Specifically, for now at least, the card stock silhouettes I've made. I've done the Avengers  for Nixon's birthday, my next project will be something a little girly. I'm hoping to do a My Little Pony and a Disney Princess or two.

   The point is: I may not be able to get a job outside of the home, but I do have some talents that might be able to bring in some cash.

    Here's hoping. I'll post photos of the newest ones (the "girly" ones) when they're finished. I'm going supply shopping in just a bit.

*UPDATED*...because I'm a mommy to fur-kids (cats) too

My name is Amber and I'm fur-kid #2

    For those of you not in-the-know, we have 2 cats. Arwen has been with me since she was 5 weeks old. She turned 10 in October. Amber we got after my sister adopted her from a shelter. She wasn't super fond of my niece. Since we were childless at the time, we gave her a try. We've had her for 6 years in March and she is perfect!

   Well, kind of. 

   The past week she's been pissing and shitting on Nixon's bed. Only his bed, and if the door is closed she will use the litter box. I took her to the vet yesterday, concerned that she's sick. The vet was impressed by how sweet and low-key she is, of course. (Arwen is the high-strung diva in the house)

   We got blood test and urinalysis results this morning. But before I tell you, can I just say I am LOVING the new vet we found. It's a cat only vet office, which is awesome by itself. The vet called with the results and spent over 20 minutes on the phone with me talking about Amber and possible solutions to the problem. That's an awesome doctor, in my opinion.

   Results. Nothing medical causing this. Amber's had anxiety issues in the past, and prozac helped those, so that's an option but not our first choice. For now we're going to set up a new litter box, with the usual litter not the new stuff we've got, and look into a pheromone plug-in for Nixon's room, to discourage her from going in there. 

   So, while there's no real reason for this and there's no quick-fix, I do have a vet I trust. That's kind of a big deal since I have major trust issues. 

   It's not about Nixon but it's about our other "kids".

*On a more serious note: I've flipped my shit about this fucking pissing and shitting on the bed thing! I'm so over Amber and this bullshit. I flipped on Nixon last night because he kept his door open and Amber shit on his bed (again!). I'm just so annoyed that this keeps happening. Multiple times a day even,and now there's no reason for it. If she was sick I'd understand, but she's stupid healthy!
  I felt bad for flipping my shit on Nixon, but I can't bring myself to kick the cat, no matter how badly I want too! I'm tired of walking into Nixon's room and finding a pile of shit on his bed. I'm over washing the sheets and blankets EVERY NIGHT!
   I feel like I can't do anything correctly. I can't keep a cat from not using the litter box and I can't get my 4-year old to close his fucking bedroom door! And the result of those to failures piss me off!

   I suppose none of this is improved by Nixon's sudden turn to the dark side. NO, not Star Wars, he's just been a total mouthy little shit lately. Mouthing off, talking back, refusing to do simple thing (like pull-up his pants!) and just a real pain-in-my-ass in general. It's stressing me out to the point I've asked for an appointment to get back on my meds, because I keep flipping my shit when he's pissing me off. It's not a good situation and since I don't see him out-growing this shitty little phase anytime soon, I'm doing the best that I can do to take my anger and short-temper out of the equation.
   Gods I hate being such a fucking mess of a person. A mental mess, but a mess none-the-less.

*UPDATE*
    Since the vet called, we've had no messes on Nixon's bed, Amber's being more social with us and I haven't flipped my shit! It could all be coincidence since she can't get into Nixon's room (we've closed the door and angled a gate across the door, so there's no way for Amber to get in without scaring herself first). We'll more-then-likely get the new litter box today, so fingers crossed that helps as well.
   She's snuggled up on the back of the sofa, as I type this, behind where both Mac and Nixon are sitting. I'm still not her favorite person, but the feeling is still pretty mutual, so we're all good.