Conversations with Nixon *Holiday Edition*

This is not an original post. I stole these from statuses I've posted on facebook. Nixon cracks me up on a daily basis and some are too good NOT to share. 

Perhaps the cutest of all was Nixon telling me today he asked Santa for gifts for Mac and I. I told him Santa only brought gifts for little boys and girls and Nixon says to me, "But mommy, we only have 3 people in the house. Santa said it was okay." I could not love him more if I tried. I just wish I knew what he asked Santa for, for Mac and I. I want him to believe in Santa's magic and if that means buying gifts for Mac and I from Santa, then dammit  it's happening!

(today)
Nixon: Mommy is the Christmas ready?
me: nope, not a few more days
Nixon: *an hour later* Is it ready now?
me: No Nixon, I showed you on the calendar Christmas is still a few days away.
Nixon: mommy, Christmas IS ready now! I see it! *I had put the gifts from my grandmother under the tree. This is why he says he sees Christmas*
me: Well, I say it's not and I know more than you do. 
Nixon: Mommy, you go in time out until you behave and be nice to me!
me: I don't see that happening either.
Nixon: Crap on a stick!

(Monday)
Nixon, playing with one of my headbands, says to me "Mommy, you can't see my eyes "

Nixon, while watching football highlights, all of a sudden says: "the Jets are garbage!"
Mac and I have no idea where he got this from, but I guess he's not a Jets fan, eh?

(Monday)
Anyone want my kid?? He's feeling better and acting an ass again. 
On second thought....I'm gonna keep him. Ass or not, he's the only kid I've got. 
I love you, Nixon. But if you want to see dinner tonight, bring the ass'ness down a notch or 5, okay??
Thanks,
Mommy

(Dec 15th)
Well, the neighborhood now knows Nixon's name.
Took the trash out, the ONE time I don't grab my keys, he locks me out! I bang on the door and tell him to open the door. Once. Second time I use my "angry mom voice" and demand he opens the door "NIXON OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!". I hear my voice echo around the neighborhood and 4 people open their doors. 
Nixon did too. 
Not cool, kid. Not cool.

(Dec 14th/15th)
*this was in the midst of Nixon fighting the flu and immediately following the Conn elementary school shooting.*
Nixon woke up at 130am after an accident. I brought him into bed with me (because I needed him to be with me and because he wanted to be near me). He saw me with tears in my eyes
Nixon: Mommy where's your smile?
me: My smile is hiding. Mommy's sad for some families today.
Nixon: oh
me: Nixon, do you know how much I love you?
Nixon: A lot?
me: So much more than a lot. Do you know you are the best thing to ever happen to my life?
Nixon: Yeah *smiles*
me: Nixon, if you were ever taken from me, I don't know how I'd survive. Without you my life would be empty. Do you know what empty means?
Nixon: No more m&ms?
me: haha Yes Nixon empty means there are no more m&ms.
Nixon: That's not right! You can go buy me more m&ms.
me: I could, but I can never buy another you. You are mine and there's only one of you.
Nixon: Shhhhh, mommy, it's time to close you eyes. I want snuggles.
I listened to him. I stopped talking and hugged him

(Dec 14)
In other news: Nixon informed me today, that BeBe is in fact a girl. Not a boy as we've previously referred to her as. Not sure when the change occurred, but we all love BeBe just the way she is

(Dec 11)
*I call Nixon "baby" a lot. He decided I needed a lesson on why he's not a baby anymore*
Nixon just told me "that means math. Math means I'm not a baby".
I'm thinking this is his way of telling me 4 isn't a baby anymore. I got this lecture after I called him "baby". 
Now I need a Nixonese to English logic translator.

(Dec 5)
*While I was at F's helping her with T again*
Nixon (to me this morning): I not going anywhere unless I am going to school!
me: Nixon you can't go to school yet because we have to find one for you. 
Nixon: I know! I go to T's school with her. 
me: Nixon, you can't go to T's school.
Nixon: Then I not going anywhere, forever or ever or ever!
Seriously?!?!

Anyone else living with an "over-sharer"?

the littlest over-sharer I know!

   There was a time, not too long ago, that Mac and I were concerned about Nixon's speech. It seemed like we were guessing more than hearing what he was saying. Fast forward to Nixon and I spending over a month with my "niece" Peanut and a verbal explosion has occurred in him. 

   With it, it seems, came the phase of verbal vomit (also known as: no-filter or child inappropriate'itis) from Nixon. Our conversations used to be mundane and one-sided with me doing the majority of the talking. Now I get the play by play of almost everything, literally everything, he does. 

Take this morning:

Nixon- I be right back, mommy

me- where are you going?

Nixon- to potty

me- okay

*5 minutes later*

Nixon: MOMMY, we have a big problem!

me- what's wrong?

Nixon- I took a big poo poo and pee pee. You have to see it (the poo poo I think)!

me- no thank you Nixon, please put your undies back on and flush

Nixon- MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to LOOK AT IT!! I grabbed my toes and I pushed that poo poo right out of my butt and the pee pee is water, it came out my peenie.

me- yes Nix, that is how the body works.

Nixon- it's a big poo poo mommy, i think it won't go into the tunnel (toilet)

(it went down just fine)

Yesterday we had a discussion about how his penis feels most comfortable in his undies:

me- Nixon, what are you doing?!?! (as he's pulling down his pants and undies)

Nixon- my peenie is not right

me- not right?? do you have an owie on it?

Nixon- no. it needs to point down, not up.

me- okay

Nixon- Mommy, you know that

me- Nixon, I don't know that. I don't have a penis.

Nixon- WHAT?!?! (and then after putting his penis right and pulling his undies and pants up, he walks away, mumbling) mommy has no peenie 

I more than likely walk around naked WAY too much. But I figure it's only my son and since he came from the deepest depths of my body, he's not going to get scarred seeing me naked. I might be wrong on that count:
me- (after getting out of the shower) Nixon, you need to brush your teeth
Nixon- nuh-uh
me- NIXON get in here now!
Nixon- mommy yous naked?
me- yes, its how most people are after a shower. now brush your teeth
Nixon- mommy you have sharp nipples
me- No baby, I'm cold and getting dressed
Nixon-beautiful mommy you have alotta butt
me- you couldn't stop at "beautiful mommy" could you?
*Come to think of it, I think I'm getting scarred by him seeing me naked more than he is.*

He's also told me where pee and poo come from in regards to Jack, my friend's giant Great Dane puppy. He doesn't hold back on the morning breath comments either. "Mommy, your teeth are dirty and you mouth stinks", as he comes in to wake me up!

But, I'll take all his open honesty, so long as he keeps calling me "Beautiful Mommy". He came up with that on his own, and he calls me that whenever he needs my attention. 

Conversations with my 3-year old

I have some of my most random, ridiculous conversations with Nixon. Mostly because I'm still not working and he's my main companion but also because he's got some insane thought processes going on in that precious little head of his. Well, not so little head, thank goddess he wasn't born with the noggin he's got on him now cause that would have totally ripped me a new one! Instead he was kind enough to come out and leave me with one small stitch. Let's hear it for a considerate boy from that start!! 


Last Friday, Nixon woke up and said he wanted a haircut. I tried to convince Mac it was a now-or-never thing but he said we'll do it the next day, no reason to rush. Such a silly, foolish husband I have. He didn't listen to me and the next day Nixon had moved on to his "no haircut" stance, and stood firm. For the entire weekend he held his stance. Mac went to work Monday and the haircut was presumably forgotten. 


Until yesterday. When this happened:

Nixon (after his nap) : Mommy, my hair is sticky

me: Really? Why? 

Nixon: I have too much hair 

me: Should I take you to get a hair cut 

Nixon: Umm...we need to go in the new green car. 

me: You'll get a haircut if we go in my green car? 

Nixon: Yes, but not the blue car only the green car. 

me: Go get your shoes! 

Guess who made the haircut happen today?? THIS mommy, right here!

I was especially proud of Nixon because he sat in the salon waiting for over 30 minutes before he got into the chair. He played with his cars and read a car magazine with me. By read, I mean counted cars by color on a page. When he did get in the chair, he was awesome. He smiled, giggled and told me all the colors of the razor guards he saw. 

On the ride home he says "mommy, my hair is all gone"

me: yep, it sure is. You were awesome too! I am so proud of you

Nixon: mommy, how do the bzzzz's work (Nixonese for clippers)

me: they move very fast and cut the hair as they go over it

Nixon: No mommy, how do they work?

me: I just told you.

Nixon: No mommy, how does it work?

me: How does what work Nixon? I'm driving and can't see what your showing me.

Nixon: how does my smile work?

seriously?!?!? Where does he get this stuff? Most kids do "why?" my kid does "how does it work".

And finally, in the category of paying way too much attention to what Mac does, we have Nixon coming up behind me in the kitchen yesterday and destroying a woman's (aka his mother's) self-esteem. 

I was wearing my loose and comfy jeans with a tee shirt. My jeans were a little low, because I was in the middle of putting together our bookcase and trying to make dinner. I was at the stove stirring dinner and Nixon walks up behind me. He starts pulling my shirt down over my jeans covering up any exposed skin I had. While he was doing this he was telling me "No, mommy, no no no". NO?? What?!?! Oh yeah, my husband does this all the time, telling me to cover my goodies up. Apparently my waist and back are just so sexy that a small glimpse of them will drive someone crazy.

Either that or the stretchmarks are so disturbing that he feels the need to protect the world from seeing them. He claims it's for my own good, but now with Nixon doing it...I feel ugly and very unattractive about the whole thing. 

Fucked up in such a pretty package eh?!?!

He awes me.

   We're still at "the commune", and we're getting to the point where everyone is pretty much over everything about each other. We still love each other but it gets hard when there's one bathroom for: 5 or 6 adults, 2 fully potty trained child and one newly potty training child.
   Not to mention we're all used to parenting our own ways and our own kids and now we're collectively watching 3 kids (the infant doesn't count, she's *singing* AWEsome) with 3 different parenting techniques until a couple weeks ago.
   To say day-to-day life is taxing, might be an understatement.
   But we're still all here, kids are all breathing and we've got one helluva built-in support system.
"you take the good, you take the bad....the facts of life"

   Yesterday, Nixon and I had a short "Mommy & Me" date. Just the 2 of us, partly because Mac wouldn't want to do what I had planned, but mostly because we used to have days like that all the time in Okinawa and it seemed like a good time to start doing those again.
   We got in the car, intending to go to one place, but wound up at a State Park instead. I paid the very reasonable parking fee and we just drove around the park until we saw an area that peaked our interest. We stopped at the marina, as it turned out.
   We walked across a wooden bridge and headed into some forest area. I was loving it! I forgot how calming I've always found trees and being surrounded by them to be.
    We spent about an hour just walking while I snapped some pictures before going back towards the bridge and the car. As we got to the car, Nixon saw a jet ski for the first time.
He got all excited and exclaimed "Look mommy a water motorcycle!"
I was puzzled at first, then saw what he saw and said, "Yep, I guess that's as good a description as any.", because really unless he'd called it a motorcycle boat, he couldn't have described what he was seeing any more perfect.
   Of course, I'm his mother, so I might be biased.

   Nixon's also obsessed with shapes. He loves pointing them out where ever we go. Now that we're back in the states with larger vehicles, he's in the middle of the backseat, as he should've always been but the Japanese car was only a 4-seater, so no middle seat. He is so happy now, seeing everything I see, even though he's sitting behind me.

This conversation we had, in the car, during a lengthy 2-way stop sign stop:  
Nixon: Look mom, a red octogon
me: Well it's red but that's a hexagon but good call.
Nixon: s-t-o-p....mommy?
me: yes, baby.
Nixon: Why are there letters on the red *he pauses and thinks for a second before continuing* hexagon?
me: Nixon, did you just read the letters off that sign???
Nixon: uh-huh (I glance in the mirror and see a GIANT smile on my son's face!)
me: Well, s-t-o-p spells "Stop" and that means I have to stop the car. Just like at a red light.
Nixon: 'cause red means stop?
me: Exactly because red means stop! Awesome job.
me: Nixon, would you like to learn how to put more letters together and make more words?
Nixon: okay, but not now.
me: Oh?
Nixon: now we're going to walk together.

Oh, he does know how to melt my heart!

Nixon, crossing the bridge

tranquility thy name is whispered in the trees

Nixon's newest, and greatest to-date, smile of achievement

There's this boy who STOLE my heart.....

....he calls me Mommy

So, here is it November already. Just 2 short weeks from Nixon's 3rd birthday and I can't keep myself from falling more in love with him. I mean, he took my breath away when I held him for the first time but now with his personality and attitude really shining, he's stunning to me!


Take today: This morning he says to me "Maybe, we'll go for a walk", which is Nixonese for "mom get off your ass and lets get some fresh air". The walk ended up a secret code for "buy me a new matchbox car" too! But I also bought us donuts for breakfast so it all worked out. I asked Nixon if he knew he wanted a car the whole time he was asking me to take him for a walk and he said "of course mommy". I'd have been annoyed, except when he put his car on the counter, the cashier put it in a bag just for Nixon and when she handed it back to him Nixon said to her "arigoto" (without a single prompting word or look from me). I was a proud, proud Mommy! When I called him back from the exit and asked him to stand next to me while I finished paying, and he did without a fight, I said "gracias mi amor" my little linguist looked up at me and said "da nada mommy". Oh, let the melting begin!!


After we walked home, had our (deliciously sinful) breakfast and chilled Nixon comes over to me and says "mommy maybe we go see aminals." I asked "you mean like go to the zoo?" Nixon says "well that's where the aminals are" very matter of factually. SO, off to the zoo we go (thank goddess for season passes!) 


Now, I got smart here. On the way in I laid out the ground rules. If Nixon was good and we walked the whole zoo THEN he could ride the train (that evil bane of my existence fucking ride!) and the merry-go-round before we left to go home. I made sure Nixon repeated the rules to me 5 times before we even saw the train. Amazingly enough, he was okay with it!
So we walked to zoo, saw the animals, fed the giraffes, rode the train and Nixon got to ride the giraffe on the merry-go-round all by himself (I was standing next to him though). We had a lovely time and I couldn't have had a better date with him if I tried! Almost 2 hours at the zoo and not one tantrum. I call that progress!


Lately, before bed I'll tell Nixon he's my favorite. He'll give me a smile, a high five and he'll say "mommy I happy". I hope he says that for many, many, many years to come. 

The journey...its in the planning phase

Two days ago, Nixon came to me and said "momma I potty". I asked if he wanted to sit on the potty, he said "yes". So I put the training seat on the toilet, moved the step stool to in front of the bowl, took off Nixon's pj bottoms (a boxer brief type shorts) and finally the diaper came off. He sat on the potty, and as is becoming our way, I read his Nemo storybook while he sat there. Nothing came out and he finally said "I all done". So trying not to push the issue, I took him off the potty and let him wash his hands. He grabbed his pj bottoms and (with a little help) put them on minus the diaper. I was a little nervous, but since we were getting ready to go out in a bit and then he'd have to get dressed, I let him go. In roughly 10 minutes like that, we had no accident. So its a small step, but its a forward step none-the-less.

Next comes the award box, training wall poster and stickers.

Today, after talking to a friend last night, I took Nixon to go get some big boy undies. The selections were slim, but we made it with 2 packs of boxer briefs and 2 packs of super hero undies. The saddest part, as his mom, was when Nixon saw "Doora" (dora in Nixonese) and kept saying "momma I wan Doora". I had to explain big boy undies are different than big girl undies and since he was a boy he'd get to wear undies like Daddy wears. He seemed okay with it, but still kept whispering "i wan doora" but to his credit, he never threw a fit.
The lack of a fit was what got him a new "Chuck & friends" toy.

"pew, pew" and other phrases

It's Friday, so I guess that means it's "Nixon's acting like a fool" day. He's feeling much better after our puke'scapades on Wednesday and is back to his cracking me up with the random things he says and does ways.

It started in his bedroom, while I was getting him ready for the day. Mac had bought him a little bubble-like figurine of Han Solo a while ago. The figurine came with a laser pistol, but looks more like a video camera. Mac taught Nixon to say "pew, pew" and fire the laser. (He also taught him that no matter what: Han shot first!) So there's Nixon, lying on the changing table, diaper off, doing hip thrusts in the air saying "pew pew" while thrusting his hips up and out! I swear, this kid comes up with some strange acts all on his own. I would've thought 2 years-old to be too young for such things, but maybe Nixon is advanced in things like humor and his body!

Mac had an appointment, so before we went to lapsits I took Nixon to a park to play. He was having a ball running around, laughing and collecting giant green seeds. He had one little girl, about his age I'm guessing, come over and start trying to take his seeds away (watch out for her in about 15 years!!). He'd give her one and she'd take them both. He'd take one back and she's leave only to come back and take the second one away again. In the end, she left before we did...with both his seeds. I found him another and all was right in Nixon's world again.
When it came time to leave the park, I asked Nixon for a kiss before putting him in his carseat. He said "no". So I asked him "Nixon, why can't mommy have a kiss from you?" He looked at me and said "no, yucky". So, in Nixonese, mommy can't have a kiss because mommy's yucky. But as soon as he saw Mac, he gave Mac a kiss!

After naptime, Ball family naptime today, I asked Nixon for another kiss. Again he said no. This time he said "daddy only", which means only Daddy can kiss me now. Or at least that's how I'm taking it to mean. Since, once again Daddy got kisses and mommy got nothing. (I did get one kiss right before Nixon fell asleep for his nap. I feel very special to have gotten that!)

We now return you to your regularly scheduled laughter

I realize I've been kind of a downer and a little too serious lately, and I apologize for that. I've learned that getting these things out of my head has been helping me let things go and be happier.

Part of that happiness has led me to FINALLY setting a schedule of sorts for Nixon. Our days start between 8:30-9am, with a cup of coffee for me and milk for Nixon. We watch a couple cartoons, I check emails and then it's breakfast time. After breakfast we color for a bit, play outside depending on the weather, Nixon gets his kneebouncers.com time and snacks. Then its nap time, which lately has been 2-3hour long naps for him. Overall, his temperament has changed. He's not throwing temper tantrums as much, though we still have some of those now and then, he's 2 they happen. Nixon loves walking down to the shoppette. He gets to see trees, birds, airplanes, cars and he gets to practice his stair walking since there's a long staircase we have to walk up and down to get there. Walking with him allows me time to focus on him and seeing how he sees things. Our walk is filled with endless "look it that!" from him.

Yesterday morning during his wakeup diaper change, Nixon was saying "shhh...." and some babble. I finally dropped down right next to his face and asked what he was saying. He said "shhh mommy lub daddy", which translates to "mommy loves daddy" in Nixonese. I'm not sure why he felt this was whisper worthy, but it was cute as hell!

On a final and separate note: potty training is around the corner here in the Wilcox-Ball household. I'm aiming to begin the first of March which, as fate would have it, is when mac put in to take 2 weeks leave. So it'll be the 2 of us helping Nixon figure out the potty. Exciting and scary at the same time. Overwhelming is the main thing that comes to mind when I think of this task. It's the last thing I have that really keeps Nixon my baby. Once he's in underpants he's not my baby he's my little boy. It's sad that its come so fast but its been amazing to see him change from helpless newborn to independent little person.