This is not an original post. I stole these from statuses I've posted on facebook. Nixon cracks me up on a daily basis and some are too good NOT to share.
Perhaps the cutest of all was Nixon telling me today he asked Santa for gifts for Mac and I. I told him Santa only brought gifts for little boys and girls and Nixon says to me, "But mommy, we only have 3 people in the house. Santa said it was okay." I could not love him more if I tried. I just wish I knew what he asked Santa for, for Mac and I. I want him to believe in Santa's magic and if that means buying gifts for Mac and I from Santa, then dammit it's happening!
Nixon: Mommy is the Christmas ready?
me: nope, not a few more days
Nixon: *an hour later* Is it ready now?
me: No Nixon, I showed you on the calendar Christmas is still a few days away.
Nixon: mommy, Christmas IS ready now! I see it! *I had put the gifts from my grandmother under the tree. This is why he says he sees Christmas*
me: Well, I say it's not and I know more than you do.
Nixon: Mommy, you go in time out until you behave and be nice to me!
me: I don't see that happening either.
Nixon: Crap on a stick!
Nixon, playing with one of my headbands, says to me "Mommy, you can't see my eyes "
Nixon, while watching football highlights, all of a sudden says: "the Jets are garbage!"
Mac and I have no idea where he got this from, but I guess he's not a Jets fan, eh?
Anyone want my kid?? He's feeling better and acting an ass again.
On second thought....I'm gonna keep him. Ass or not, he's the only kid I've got.
I love you, Nixon. But if you want to see dinner tonight, bring the ass'ness down a notch or 5, okay??
Well, the neighborhood now knows Nixon's name.
Took the trash out, the ONE time I don't grab my keys, he locks me out! I bang on the door and tell him to open the door. Once. Second time I use my "angry mom voice" and demand he opens the door "NIXON OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!". I hear my voice echo around the neighborhood and 4 people open their doors.
Nixon did too.
Not cool, kid. Not cool.
*this was in the midst of Nixon fighting the flu and immediately following the Conn elementary school shooting.*
Nixon woke up at 130am after an accident. I brought him into bed with me (because I needed him to be with me and because he wanted to be near me). He saw me with tears in my eyes
Nixon: Mommy where's your smile?
me: My smile is hiding. Mommy's sad for some families today.
me: Nixon, do you know how much I love you?
Nixon: A lot?
me: So much more than a lot. Do you know you are the best thing to ever happen to my life?
Nixon: Yeah *smiles*
me: Nixon, if you were ever taken from me, I don't know how I'd survive. Without you my life would be empty. Do you know what empty means?
Nixon: No more m&ms?
me: haha Yes Nixon empty means there are no more m&ms.
Nixon: That's not right! You can go buy me more m&ms.
me: I could, but I can never buy another you. You are mine and there's only one of you.
Nixon: Shhhhh, mommy, it's time to close you eyes. I want snuggles.
I listened to him. I stopped talking and hugged him
In other news: Nixon informed me today, that BeBe is in fact a girl. Not a boy as we've previously referred to her as. Not sure when the change occurred, but we all love BeBe just the way she is
*I call Nixon "baby" a lot. He decided I needed a lesson on why he's not a baby anymore*
Nixon just told me "that means math. Math means I'm not a baby".
I'm thinking this is his way of telling me 4 isn't a baby anymore. I got this lecture after I called him "baby".
Now I need a Nixonese to English logic translator.
*While I was at F's helping her with T again*
Nixon (to me this morning): I not going anywhere unless I am going to school!
me: Nixon you can't go to school yet because we have to find one for you.
Nixon: I know! I go to T's school with her.
me: Nixon, you can't go to T's school.
Nixon: Then I not going anywhere, forever or ever or ever!