Parenting and preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

   Mac and I have spent the last few nights he's had off curled up watching the Resident Evil movies. Now, he swears these movies are not about zombies, but I say "who cares" they're important learning tools on How-To prepare for an outbreak. Even more importantly, I'm taking it to the next level and using it to be a better mother! 

Rea's How-To prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse and be a Good Mom Guide

(because most people think you trip the kids or use them as zombie bait....)

First, the survival pack. You want it light enough to travel easily but have enough food and supplies to last. Think energy bars and protein shakes. If you think far enough ahead, keep a "quick grab bag" in the house and one in the car. Always keep a case of bottled water in the car, this is just common sense.

Next, escape plan. My plan is to always live near the water. My entire survival plan revolves around grabbing Nixon, heading to the harbor and stealing a boat. Yes, I will be STEALING a boat. I figure at least 5 of the owners will be in denial about the outbreak and won't think of getting to the harbor, so I'll "take" one of those boats. (Now, I do realize the last time I in a boat it did end up sinking but it wasn't all my fault.....and I swear, I'll take boating lessons first!) Nixon and I will be out on the water for 3-4 weeks while the outbreak is going on. Maybe we'll help stranded survivors, maybe we won't. I'm going to say no, because I still won't trust just anyone around Nixon. The end of the world isn't going to change that! Let's be real, I'm still going to be super paranoid and overprotective. I'm momma bear on a normal day, add zombies and people possibly trying to kill us for whatever we have and I'll be UBER-Momma Bear, all killing without those pesky laws holding me back!

Protection, protection, protection....My survival pack includes some weapons and ammo. (and thanks to Resident Evil 4 my ammo will also include lots of loose change! Seriously, it's a great option and, in the movie at least, did a LOT of damage!) I have to find something for Nixon to do too. Probably a big metal baseball bat for him to swing, and not accidentally kill me with in the process. I'd say a taser but not sure that would work on zombies, an ax is a bad idea because of the sharp edge but a bat seems a safe but zombie-deadly weapon!

Finally, mothering during the apocalypse. It's a fine line. Obviously, you can't punish him for killing a zombie because, that's kind of the point of the whole "game".  But bedtime will still be the same time, he will still have to listen to me  ("I said duck!!") and if Mac happens to make it with us (oh yeah, did I mention we've got individual survival plans mostly because he'll probably be at work) then Nixon needs to listen to us both. 

And NO peeing on dead zombies! That's just rude!! 
Make time to ask how Nixon is feeling. The zombie apocalypse will be a scary time for anyone but kids might be especially weirded out. Asking him how he feels and talking about what's going on will keep the lines of communication open and help build a stronger team, which in the long run will be the best for our overall survival odds.    

My entire goal is to get as far from the outbreak as possible, avoid the government "safety" zones, protect Nixon and keep it fun! 

Attention to detail

Mac has a silly little song he's sang for as long as I've known him. It's really dumb, totally inappropriate for youngsters and completely "Mac". And unfortunately, neither of us has ever really paid attention to him singing it while Nixon is around.


Until this morning.


The silly song goes:

Balls in your mouth

I'm in your mouth

Well this morning, Mac sings that (like he's done a billion times before) and Nixon sings it rights after him! So here's my sweet, precocious 3-year old singing "Balls in your mouth" because daddy just said it. DOH!

I stood there dumbfounded, because I couldn't believe of all the damned things for Nixon to repeat crystal fucking clear, he chooses this! Mac tries to tell Nixon "only grown up can sing that song", which as we all know is not going to work. 

Then, Mac and I both have a brainstorm at the same time! Nixon will be allowed to sing that song! In front of his GiGi!! (Marsha, my ultra-Christian grandmother for those of you not familiar with the name) As you may or may not know, I go out of my way to liven things up when I'm around my grandmother. What better way than have my son sing a completely HILARIOUS song about part of his last name (no, seriously, BALL is his dad's last name which is part of our family last name! Awesome, right?!?!?) albeit mostly crude and totally inappropriate little ditty for a child, when he sees her for the first time?? I can't think of one! 

Besides, she's already convinced I'm ruining him by not taking him to church. I'm just "reassuring" her that he is in fact "ruined" by my parenting or lack there of!

  

The clock is ticking......

The official orders came in last week. Mac's next (and final) duty station is Annapolis, Maryland!! We've known for a while, but without the official orders anything can happen. Now it's almost a done deal.

By almost, I of course mean, not anywhere near done deal. Before we leave Okinawa behind and return to the states we have a lot to do. There's shit to get rid of (clothes, baby items, toys, books and other general items of nonsense that we have but will not be taking with us), there's the cats shots to get updated, items to document before packing (expensive things that we'll need to itemize on our pack out sheet) and because I'm incredibly anal about certain things, a lot of photos and personal items to pack MY way!

That doesn't even look like fun, does it? It's not. Let's face it: moving anywhere sucks ass! Moving across the world sucks sweaty bamboo ass!

I refuse to let my final few months here in Okinawa be totally consumed by leaving this island. There's so much to still be done. There's the cherry blossoms coming into bloom, which I fully intend to take advantage of and get some amazing photos in the process! Next month? Sunflower fields! There's a Dam nearby I haven't visited but it's on my list, along with seaglass hunting, visiting a couple more castle ruins, a bird sanctuary I've driven past and said "I'm going to go there some day" because I'm running out of some days and I'm going to ride the Ferris Wheel in American Village before I leave Okinawa, just once!

Before moving here.....

I'm going to say good-bye to Okinawa from Here (the ferris wheel)

Please sir, can I just get my Karma back?

**alternative title: Can't anyone just tell me.....WHERE ARE MY FUCKING SANTA PICTURES?!?!?!**


I couldn't decide which title I liked better, so I'm giving you both. And yes, this post is coming in the first week of January and it is really about Santa pictures. Not just any Santa pictures, these are becoming the Holy fucking Grail of Santa pictures, sought after by many Okinawa military parents and very hard to find! I, myself, am currently elbows deep in complaints on facebook pages, filing actual complaints with multiple sources "responsible" for these photos, getting shitty "not my department" responses, and inches from finding the jolly ole fake fat ass and demanding an immediate re-staging of the Santa photo and a line up of the assholes who can't or rather won't answer a simple well asked (re: I did not curse at ALL, when I posted on the facebook page inquiring where or when I might see Nixon's photos with Santa) inquiry BUT who do take the time to delete it off the wall, so that I might shove a boot up all their asses and then assist them with the GIANT lump of coal they've all earned!


Now, I know this seems a small and petty thing to get bent out of shape about, but I'll explain why I'm so livid, beyond the obvious reason of not having a photo of Nixon with Santa to show for my/Mac's donation to an on-base high school booster club and the total pass-the-blame game the parties involved are playing with me. Seriously?? I never liked being the "pickle" of pickle-in-the-middle. It annoyed me and really gave rise to my Napoleon Complex.


Here's the story (sorry 'bout your luck if you've heard this all before):
   Dec. 11th Mac and I took Nixon to the Base Mall to get his picture with Santa. Yes, we did get there with about 5 minutes to spare before Santa left for the day. Nixon sat on Santa's lap with some coaxing from Santa and BeBe, about 3-5 photos where taken at the time (trust me I counted the clicks and flashes from the camera). Mac made a donation in the donation box, Nixon got his candy cane, and I got a slip of paper that had the photobucket site info and password needed to view the photos and was told they'd be uploaded for viewing in 2-3 days. 


   Dec 13th- 16th no new photos are uploaded.
   Dec 17th there's about 300 new pics uploaded, total pictures around 950'ish. (No Nixon)
   Dec 19th I post on the facebook page inquiring about new photos to be posted, looking for photos from the weekend prior. No response from the admin of the page, but a few other parents comment they also are looking for the same weekend. 
   Dec 25th I look, there's now over 1200 pictures, still no Nixon. 
    Dec 29th, I file a complaint with the store which hosted Santa & the high school booster club, explaining I felt it was bad customer service to host an event like that and not have any point of contact for which to help guests resolve issues with, since the group responsible for posting the photos is ignoring several attempts to find out when the photos would be posted for viewing. It was irresponsible to have so many groups involved but no chain of contact in the event there's an issue like this. The response? 
"Dear Patron,
 We  understand your frustration and apologize.  The Exchange hosted Santa Claus for the community, with only good gestures in mind.  We have contacted AFN regarding the photos for Santa and we are trying to have the issue resolved quickly and efficiently.  The Exchange does not have access to the AFN Facebook page, as far as answering comments being posted.  That page belongs to AFN exclusively.  We are working this problem in hopes of a quick resolution."
   Dec 31 now 1715 pictures, still no Nixon. I spend 3 hours looking at every single photo multiple times for Nixon, no Nixon. I comment on another mother's post on the facebook page, also asking where the photos are and why there are no new ones....the post and all comments are deleted. No response ever given.
   Two days ago I write a long (no cussing) post on the facebook page again, expressing my deep disappointment with the whole Santa at the BX (base mall) photo situation and the lack of response to the parents STILL looking for their children's photos, including myself. It was removed from the page, no response, by the next morning. But the photobucket album has a total of now 1929 photos in it now. Still no Nixon. 
   Yesterday, I file another complaint with AFN regarding the facebook page and the actual photobucket album photos. I copy and pasted the exact message I had put on the facebook wall. (Now I will put it here: I'm seriously disappointed with the Santa at the BX photos and all the hassle that has come along with trying to see the photos. 
I took my son on Sunday Dec 11th, just a couple minutes before 6pm. I've posted here more than once inquiring about those photos, I've looked at all 1715 photos (to date) and have not seen my son's photos with Santa, nor have I gotten a response about when I might expect to see those photos posted. 


There are very few moments where I can say I truly regret making a donation to any cause, but this is one of those times. Kadena BX hosted the event but they aren't responsible for how the photos are distributed/published. The donations were collected for the kadena high school (if I'm not mistaken) but they're not responsible for hosting the event or publishing the photos in a timely manner. WAVE89/AFN Okinawa is in charge of publishing or releasing the photos, but its been far from a timely manner and unless there's an issue with accessing the photobucket album, there's been no real response to any of the numerous parental complaints/inquires/concerns about these photos. 


Being on Okinawa limits many families choices as to where and when they could get the photo with Santa taken. Many chose to make a donation and do it at the BX we all shop at throughout the year, and now many of us are left without that photo and we're getting no answers as to when or if we'll ever see those photos. 


This was the first year my son was excited to see Santa and if it weren't for a member of the community having Santa at her house one night, I'd have no photos of my son with him at all, despite my taking him 2 weeks before Christmas to the BX and visiting Santa. 


This is a very poor reflection of AFN and how they handle public relations with the community, especially such a once-a-year event as photos with Santa.)
   Today, I received an email  about my complaint from yesterday. Good quick response, really shitty resolution: "Ma’am,
This was a booster club function.  I’ll let the booster club president engage."


So, basically.....???? Yeah, I got nothing too. 


It's not the photos at this point. It's not the fact that Nixon sat with Santa in a store. It's the fact that a donation was made for a service and the service has yet to be provided. It'd be like going to a car wash, making the donation for the car wash and then having the people running the car wash tell you that some other group is responsible for the water and buckets and soap, except you don't find this out until you've been sitting there for a few hours AFTER the carwash has closed shop and left. Well, its not exactly like that, but it's the best I've got right now. You get the picture. (they can't all be x-mas tree blog analogy's of gold)
I normally don't bitch about making a donation, but fuck me over sideways if this doesn't rub me the wrong way! The high school used a well known and iconic holiday figure to draw a crowd and raise money for their club, which is fine. BUT, if they're not accountable for the distribution of the photos they basically got money for free, right? I mean, the parents are getting told AFN (the local radio/tv station/public relations here) was putting the photos online in the photobucket album, which means the booster club has no physical contact or control of the photos, correct? So what would the Booster Club President be able to tell me? That he/she will get in touch with his/her contact at AFN and see what this issue is?  


Am I getting extra Karma points for this? Because it feels like a lot of hassle and runaround for zero results. And really, removing a post without responding to the complaint? Why even have a board the public can contact you on in the first place??


Okinawa.....you're really pushing my buttons. Seriously?!?!? Fucking Santa pictures!! THIS is my line in the sand?!?!? 

first post of 2012...they grow up so fast!

For Nixon's birthday we bought him a fisher price kids tuff camera. It's an awesome camera for him and he's really enjoying taking pictures (or "smile" as he calls them) of everything from myself and Mac to the cats, his BeBe and his massive matchbox fleet!


Just before the New Year, Nixon made the successful move to full-time life in undies. No more pull-ups for naps or bedtime, he's a big boy now and it was all on his own doing! He has accidents from time to time, but not once has he peed in bed so I'll take an accident during the day anytime, plus he's awesome about staying dry while we're out and about too! Ahh....he's really growing up so fast. 


So, the point of this blog combines the first paragraph with the 2nd one to get THIS conversation:


Nixon (with his camera, pointed at his groin): "Smile undies!"
me: "What?!? NO, Nixon! You don't take pictures of your undies or penie."
Nixon: "No smile?"
me: (looking over at Mac) "Really, I have to have this conversation with him already? He's 3!!"
Nixon: (camera pointed at his shirt this time): "Smile shirt"
Mac: "Well, he was gonna figure it out some time, right?"


Seriously, NOT a conversation I'd expected to have with him until he was at least 11 or 12, damn him for always being ahead of the curve!

Little Update on the name drama llama

Seems that my blog has a wee bit of a following. And that following is not the warm and fuzzy we-wanna-be-your-friend kind, either. No, my following is more the pretty and popular girls in high school who traveled in packs down the halls and terrorized anyone who didn't worship them or join their freakishly close bitch-cult. Oh, and my following never says hi or even spreads word of my blog. 
Thanks for reading, bitches!


How do I know I have a following of cunty drama llamas?? Simple, Mac my loving and supportive husband, who was at work today had a short discussion about one of my blogs with a woman who has "heard" about it (but never read it).


It seems, she's the wife of the person mentioned in the name rant blog of mine.  I did hear who it was correctly, and apparently my blog rant made its way back to her and she saw Mac, so she wanted to "clear the air", but there's a small problem. She never actually read my blog. She "heard about it" from someone, and just wanted ME to know that they chose Nixon because she collects Nixon brand watches, not for the President and not after our son. 


Now, if she had read my blog she'd had seen that was precisely my point in the first place. (Well, that and her husband needs to learn how to tell the story about their baby name a little better in the future, cause he straight up dropped the fucking ball hardcore on this one) Every, single couple I have EVER met has some kind of story behind WHY they chose the baby name they did. The vague and non-responsive answer he first gave was bullshit, compared to the wife's story. 


So for the secret readers spreading word of mouth about my blog.....thanks for reading!! I know you're there *heeheehee*


FUCK...................I need to get off this fucking rock, I'm going island batshit crazy, now. 


Is it May yet????

It's time for a little Holiday..... weird???

Meet, our christmas tree! It's small, less than 2.5 feet tall. It's white, plastic and pre-lit. It's pretty damned cute little thing, ain't it??? The snowflakes are also plastic and fake. It didn't take much convincing to get Mac to agree to having a tree this year. I found one I liked in a sales ad, I mentioned to him, he said "It's your money" and I took my money and bought the tree. Then I bought the ornaments, snowflakes and let Nixon choose the bird as the tree topper. He choose the teal peacock instead of the green peacock, a lovely choice!


Being on Okinawa means a lot of fake trees to be had and very few real ones. Which, is actually okay with me, because it turns out. I have issues with real christmas trees. Who saw that one coming?!?!? Not me, until I really thought about it. Well, not really thought about it, I grazed on the thought and come up without enough material for this blog. 


See, to me, cutting down a tree is killing it. Because, well, you are ACTUALLY killing it! You can't replant it after the holidays and have it reroot to use again next year. You could cut it and use it as kindling, if you have a fireplace, but the fact remains, a living thing was killed for your viewing pleasure. Either way you look at it (arborcide or arborcualst), a bunch of trees are killed  in about a month's time period, just to fill up peoples house with green beauty.


It's like going to a pet store (or pound), picking out a puppy/kitten/turtle/hamster and then putting a bullet between the chosen pet's eyes shortly after you get it home! Nope, I'm wrong, you'd have to pay for it, and then blow it's fluffy little brains out before leaving the store. Okay, so it's a slightly extreme comparison, but its essentially the same thing, in my eyes. But actually, you'd have to get a fully grown pet, because these ain't no baby trees being chopped down. These be teenagers in some cases. Teenagers?? Well, okay some of the punk bastard trees really had it coming, it was the only way to send a message and scare the others straight! 


Now before people start hating me (all 15 followers I have!!), I get why people have live trees. I don't pour blue paint on them, when I see a live tree in a house, and yell "Fir is Murder!" (although that'd be hilarious!!). I'm very live and let live on the whole thing, it's the holidays you do you're thing I'll do mine. Mine consists of a plastic tree, pre-lit preferably, and yours might involve going to a tree farm a choosing a tree to kill before carting the carcass home and hoisting it up in your living room. Who cares, we both tart the trees up the same class-ass way (lights, ornaments and other prettiness), right?!?! 


So happy fucking holidays!! Enjoy them with your loved ones. Be good, Santa's watching you (does he watch you in the shower too...aren't there laws against that. Fucking old fat Perv!!). 


Speaking of Santa, here's Nixon with the ole fatass!