Monday, September 5, 2011

Raising Nixon with (brutal) honesty!

This is Dora & Boots, and I have issues with them!
If you have kids, know kids, shop anywhere that caters to kids, own a tv that has stations aimed at mindlessly entertaining kids or are a kid yourself (why is a child reading this blog???) you know who Dora the (fucking) Explorer is. You also have undoubtedly caught yourself singing one of her songs to yourself more than once (without a child around to sing it to or with), and you may have enlisted this imaginary cartoon character to help get your child to do any number of tasks they hate from brushing their teeth to wearing a seatbelt (I now hear Nixon telling me to "buckle up mommy, so you can be safe" almost every time we go anywhere in the car.....thanks, Dora??) to stopping a thief ("No swiping!") but have you ever stopped to realize the real message behind this show?

I harshly told Nixon one morning.

"Nixon, you know real monkeys don't wear boots right? And they don't talk and they don't go on adventures with you."
Nixon turned and looked at me, then went back to watching Dora.
"Nixon, if you ever get close to a monkey, it will throw poop at you. And it will not be wearing boots."
Nixon says to me "No mommy, boots in boots!"
"Yes, Nixon, Boots wears boots, but real monkeys throw poo at you."
Mac was sitting in the room listening to the conversation and says to me, "Rea, that's really harsh. True, but harsh, he's not even three yet."
Well, pardon me for not wanting my child to decide to try to befriend a monkey in hopes that he (the monkey) will wear boots and talk only to instead get a face full of poop. Where will Nixon find a monkey to befriend?? I don't quite know, but I'd rather him be armed with reality than find himself with a face full of poop!  

And while we're on the subject, what kind of parents have no problem sending their daughter off to scamper off with a bull, a squirrel, a monkey, a TROLL, and whatever the hell other creatures she comes across?? Whatever happened to NOT talking to strangers?? I like that Nixon is learning a little spanish from the show, but the rest of the messages....really not so bueno.  Why do I have issues with Dora?? Because I have a headache and I've seen the same goddamned fucking Dora saves the fucking last dance Bring it On dvd release commercial 8 times and never once has Boots thrown a single handful of poop!! So she can dance and speak spanish, but Boots can't throw just one single handful of poop?!?!? What does he do with his stockpile of poop?!?!? Does Swiper just steal it all???? That fucking lazy fox!!


  1. Lmao that was to freaking funny!!!! I love it! And I agree throw some freaking poop point laugh and just walk away! ;) it would make my day

  2. hilarious. I hate Dora. She yells. She has no inside voice and it annoys me.