Friday, August 12, 2011

So pitiful I wanna kick a puppy if it will make him smile

First and foremost, I'm very anti-animal cruelty. If you ask Mac, he'll tell you I have this insane habit of catching and releasing geckos/other random lizards/caterpillars and even spiders (not the giant potential face-eating ones those...sorry but those fuckers are toast!) outside, yes even if the creature in question has already been gnawed on by one or both of the cats and I know is likely to die I refuse to let it die in the house. I've even found dead creatures inside and said a passing blessing as I placed the carcass in the wooded area in our backyard and asked the spirits to forgive my cats for the murder of the innocent reptile. And I repeatedly remind the cats that we are a no-kill household....it's how they've remained with us for so long despite the pissing habits they both have. (just so I don't get any hate messages about the kick a puppy part of the title)

Now....

Nixon's woken up twice tonight from a bad dream. It's the saddest thing in the world now, when I hear the cry from his bedroom, rush in there to see what's wrong, get down on the floor next to his bed and hold him in my arms to ask him what's wrong and hear him say "bad d'eam mommy" between sniveling on tears and swallowing from being scared awake. I hold him and he's still shaking from the dream, holding onto my neck for dear life like I'm the only real thing in his little world that can keep him safe from the nasties in his dream. I tell him, like I always do when he has a bad dream, "Nixon, bad dream can't hurt you. They're scary but as soon as you wake up, they go away and I'm right here for you. Mommy will never let a bad dream hurt you because bad dreams aren't real. You wake up and the bad dream is gone. But you know what is always real and is always here for you? Mommy and Daddy's love for you. We're always here to keep you safe. So no bad dream can ever get you because mommy and daddy will NEVER let that happen okay?" 

It's usually right about then, that Nixon is fighting to keep his eyes open. He'll lay his head on my shoulder, whisper "okay momma" and then lean towards his bed. 

Bad dreams suck at any age, I know I've had a couple this week that have really fucked with my head and made me consider buying a new dream dictionary and keeping a journal again to find the root of them. But it breaks my heart to hear my baby saying "bad d'eam, mommy" in his tender, sleep heavy voice. He's too young to have bad dreams. Isn't he????

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